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Thread: How can I not be insecure about bf going to bachelor parties?

  1. #1
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    How can I not be insecure about bf going to bachelor parties?

    Hi everyone!

    My boyfriend and I live together, we have a great relationship.. best I've ever had. Probably headed toward marriage. We rarely fight too which is great. Unfortunately we're both at the age where our friends are all getting married and with that, bachelor/bachelorette parties.

    I'm new to town here (moved to be with my bf) and met a friend through him..who happens to be his ex's good friend. She invited me to Vegas for her bachelorette party. Nice of her huh? Except the ex girlfriend will probably be there and the idea of spending a whole drunken night with her unnerves me. So should I go?

    Part two of the question (the main reason)..is I'm sure my friend's fiance will invite my bf to the bachelor party. I can't stop being anxious about it! I don't want to be a prude or selfish and make my bf hate me if he misses out...but especially if I don't go, I think I'll be really upset if he goes.
    BUt even if I go..I'll be worried the whole time about some drunk girl at a club or a stripper being all up on him. I know, I know..guys hate when girls feel this way, which is why I'm seeking advice from the internet and not letting him see I feel so crazy. I feel crazy. How can I calm down about it?

  2. #2
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    How could you not be insecure about this, lol?
    What I'm saying is I don't think it's unreasonable,
    He probably won't either.
    Also, if you were 100% fine with it it would probably make your BF think you didn't care all that much.
    I say tell him how you feel.
    This is one of those situations in which a little insecurity is warranted and will probably bring you closer, not further apart.
    Every man loves his ego stroked that his girl is worried about losing him.
    A situation in which beautiful and professional hustling women are involved is the perfect time to show him a little bit of honest vulnerability.
    Don't make him feel guilty for going, but I say let your crazy come out a bit here,
    Talking to him will calm you down.

  3. #3
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    Knowing your boyfriend, do you trust him to go to this party and not do anything crazy? If not, then that may be an issue all within itself.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shuttterbug
    I'm new to town here (moved to be with my bf) and met a friend through him..who happens to be his ex's good friend. She invited me to Vegas for her bachelorette party. Nice of her huh? Except the ex girlfriend will probably be there and the idea of spending a whole drunken night with her unnerves me. So should I go?
    I take it you have been invited to her wedding as well... along with the ex girlfriend. You, your boyfriend, AND his ex will be at the wedding. How do you feel about that? It's not uncommon for people to not go to weddings because of the presence of their ex being at the event.

    If you aren't comfortable to be around the ex, don't go. If you don't go to the Bachelorette party because of the ex, then you might as well decline the wedding invite as well.

    [quote]BUt even if I go..I'll be worried the whole time about some drunk girl at a club or a stripper being all up on him. I know, I know..guys hate when girls feel this way, which is why I'm seeking advice from the internet and not letting him see I feel so crazy. I feel crazy. How can I calm down about it?
    Do you trust him? The stripper shouldn't be the issue... it's how your boyfriend conducts himself.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Snny


    Do you trust him? The stripper shouldn't be the issue... it's how your boyfriend conducts himself.
    I agree with this. This isn't about the stripper, this is about how your boyfriend behaves while out having a good time. You need to trust him more, than the stripper.

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    Yes, I trust him. It's my own stupid insecurities I suppose. Regarding the ex: unfortunately, I see her at parties often. I say unfortunately because although she has a hot hunky boyfriend herself, yet she "bans" her friends from hanging out with me. She's kind of nuts. I wouldn't have a problem w/her if she didn't hate me. But she does..hence my hesitation to spend a weekend with her.

    So anyway..yes I trust my boyfriend. I get really wrapped up in my thoughts and wonder about the "what ifs". And peer pressure when guys get together and drink. I suppose he would do somethings out of the ordinary when I'm not near by.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by shuttterbug

    So anyway..yes I trust my boyfriend... I suppose he would do somethings out of the ordinary when I'm not near by.
    These two statements contradict each other. If you trust him, then you don't assume he'd do things differently just because you're not there to monitor him.

    You're insecurities are your own. Your boyfriend can meet another woman anywhere, anytime. So thinking you can control it by labeling certain events/places (like bachelor parties) as more dangerous for the relationship is irrational.

    Regarding Vegas, you can either politely decline, which is fine, or go and give it your all to try to establish a friendship with this girl. It might actually work, which would make the parties you go to and the upcoming wedding a lot more pleasant. If she has made it actively known that she dislikes you, then you might even consider meeting up with her and just telling her you want to clear the air before all these events, so everyone can just relax.

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    Originally Posted by bulletproof
    These two statements contradict each other. If you trust him, then you don't assume he'd do things differently just because you're not there to monitor him.

    You're insecurities are your own. Your boyfriend can meet another woman anywhere, anytime. So thinking you can control it by labeling certain events/places (like bachelor parties) as more dangerous for the relationship is irrational.

    Regarding Vegas, you can either politely decline, which is fine, or go and give it your all to try to establish a friendship with this girl. It might actually work, which would make the parties you go to and the upcoming wedding a lot more pleasant. If she has made it actively known that she dislikes you, then you might even consider meeting up with her and just telling her you want to clear the air before all these events, so everyone can just relax.
    Regarding the ex; I had emailed her to sort of put her at ease & come to an understanding, and she gave her perspective which was basically.."I don't want you to be close to my friends..but I would like to get you know better." Weird right?

    You're right..I probably am contradicting myself. And thanks..this helps me. I am being irrational. Which is why I came here to have people set me straight before I go off the handle on him with pent up jealousy and insecurity regarding the bachelor party.

    I want to be okay with it all and trust him, I just honestly have serious anxiety about a historically drunken debaucherous night filled with strippers and guys misbehaving.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by shuttterbug
    I want to be okay with it all and trust him, I just honestly have serious anxiety about a historically drunken debaucherous night filled with strippers and guys misbehaving.
    Maybe you have to ask yourself why, and then continue to do so, until you get to the root of it all. Writing it down might help. So you start out with, Why do I have all this anxiety? What exactly am I fearing will happen, specifically? What's the worst thing I can imagine? Could that really happen? What if it did, what would I do then? Why don't I trust that he will not disappoint me? What about our relationship indicates that I shouldn't trust him? etc.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    You have every right to not trust other women but you should be able to trust The way HE reacts to the untruthful women. You could put my husband in a room with 50 scantly women and I wouldn't bat an eye lid because I know HE would never do anything. I'm not naive enough to think he wouldn't look - id be worried if he didn't! - but I know he would never touch or do anything wrong.

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