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Thread: How long does that 'in love' feeling last?

  1. #1
    Confused123123
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    How long does that 'in love' feeling last?

    So I've heard that that 'in love' feelings that you first feel for someone lasts about 6 months...if that.

    And after that, you have to be mature enough to realise you have to work at a relationship.
    Is it easy to 'rekindle' those 'in love' feelings, if they have already been there once before?

    Once you have been with someone a while, you seem to love them, rather than be in love with them. Correct? They become like a best friend. Someone you have a companionship with.
    To keep the passion and 'in love' feelings, you need intimacy. Yes?

    Please give me your thoughts on this topic!

    I am very curious to know how long these 'in love' feelings last, and how couples dealt with it once they started to disappear.

  2. #2
    thejigsup
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    You become less passionate, but much closer. Best friend can describe it, but it's way more than that. They are literally your second half. You are partners in life and everything that goes along with it. MUCH better than the "first six months" feelings.

  3. #3
    844
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    I think objectively speaking they can last a lot longer than six months (although six months might be the honey moon stage as in acting crazy in love). I definitely felt in love for 3 years before (although some of that might have been long term attachment which people typically associate with longer relationships). I don't think people always form that kind of attachment though a lot of times there's a split after a couple years.

    Here's a wikipedia about the science behind it and I'm assuming the linked articles are more in depth link removed
    Last edited by 844; 05-30-2011 at 02:59 PM.

  4. #4
    sara-pezzini
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    i have been in love with my bf for almost 7 years, it has progressed into deep love, care, friendship, feeling safe, warm feelings and all, but still whenever i hear his voice or see him i get that same crazy in love feeling and lots of butterflies....we have had some problems but the feeling has never gone away...

  5. #5
    Eocsor
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    I don't know. I was always excited to see my ex(we were together 14 years) I was always in love with her, but it was a deeper love than just the "I can't wait to jump your bones" love. I think for some lucky people real love lasts a lifetime. You just never get tired of the person and they are a part of your life.

  6. #6
    DWNWRDSPRL
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    For me, it has lasted since I fell in love with her in 1994.

    Sure, there have been good times and bad times. Times when we were at each other over trivial things, times when we both said hurtful things to one another. Times when we were at our worst.

    I always loved her more and more each day.

    As I age, I find myself thinking of her more and more throughout my day when I am away from her. Thinking of how nice it would be if the two of us could escape our daily lives and just enjoy one another's company on some deserted isle somewhere.

    The sacrifices I have made for her over the years I would gladly do over again. I long for our relationship to reach even higher levels of passion, understanding, and care for one another. Funny thing is that I seem to need more emotional connection than she does; or at least I seem to want more heart to heart connection in our daily lives.

    So for me, it has lasted most of my adult life. That love, that connection, is something that I cherish. It has made me a better man, a more confident, self assured being in a crazy world. And I hope that my son sees that aspect of it in addition to the kisses, the arguments, the trials and tribulations of my marriage.

    I want him to love like that too. And to be loved by a good woman that only wants the best for him.

    If any of that makes sense. Hopeless romantic, I guess.

    Too much jazz today......lol.

  7. #7
    Batya33
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    I used to confuse infatuation for love or in love. I used to want to end things when that infatuation ("in love?") feelings ended - and, hmm, often they ended when the thrill of the chase, or of the newness, was over.
    The best thing ever is not only rekindling the passion/in love feeling but knowing you can -and knowing that very soon after, let's say, a bad argument - to me that security means so much - it doesn't give me permission at all to provoke or extend an argument but if one happens it's that knowing it will not only be ok but that neither of you is going anywhere and both of you are going to do what it takes to make up because of the bonding feelings (and not for other "rational" reasons although of course those factor in too during those tougher times).
    Just knowing the other person is invested in keeping the passion alive also keeps passion going.
    I think once a person stops confusing those "newness" smitten feelings for all smitten feelings then that's a step in the right direction.
    I read somewhere that when it comes to sex and how often, studies show that quality is more important than quantity in happy marriages. For me personally I disagree- yes, quality is very very important (!) but I think regular lovemaking is both satisfying and triggers stronger and more frequent desires for even more lovemaking. So that even if you only have time for a quickie (this happens with new parents LOL) it's better to go for it than to delay until you have a longer time unless you know it can definitely be later that day or the next. Even then there's something about going for it that reaffirms for each other how important that part of the relationship is which is a real turn-on passion-wise.
    I do think that people who expect the cloud nine feeling to be there always without any effort or work have unrealistic expectations. Can it happen? Sure! But expecting it means risking not finding a good match. It depends on what your priorities are.

  8. #8
    Confused123123
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    Yeah.....well my bf broke up with me and said he didn't think he loved me anymore.....
    But he found it very hard because we are so close (like eachothers other half), and we are best friends, and were SO comfortable with eachother. We just clicked. I guess we just got lazy in the relationship...and the intimacy faded off. We didn't do as many things together either. Our relationship became very routined.

    It's just a shame because I think we could have got all those back! But he's not mature enough to realise that that 'infactuation' or 'in love' period will come to an end, or diminish in all relationships. But you can work together to try get it back if both parties want to. I think he will look back one day and realise what we had was worth saving.

  9. #9
    Batya33
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    "In fact", infatuation is not the same as "in love".

  10. #10
    FairyGodmother
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    I don't think the "in love" feeling ever fades if you're with the right person; perhaps it was a sign that you two were more suited to be best friends rather than lovers?

    I do however, appreciate the difficulty of escaping the "routine relationship" trap, having been in one myself, which of course came to a rather unpleasant end. It just important to remember you always have to work at a relationship whether you've been together 8 days or 80 years (by doing things together, trying different things to keep it spicy etc) so that you never take any of it for granted.

    In the end though, I do think that ultimately the "in love" feeling should always be there naturally when you find the one
    Last edited by FairyGodmother; 06-05-2011 at 10:12 PM.

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