we have a abused friend. PLEASE HELP???

please help us we have a friend who is abused by her dad but will not tell anyone but us. she dosnt tell cuz shes afraid she'll be taken away from the rest of her family. shes gotten to the point of depression and just recently told us that she cuts herself. she made us swear not to tell and we made her swear that she wont cut herself. shes a sweet kid but she always has bruises, and none of her family knows. she has 2 siblings and a mom but he only does it when they're asleep or out of the house. her dad usually drinks at night, and then comes at her and grabs her arms to the point that it bruises. she often stays up late texting us cuz shes scared. she covers the bruises up by whereing sweat shirts or covering her arms with her hands. we dont no what to do or who to tell. please help!

She NEEDS to tell an adult that she trusts because otherwise it will continue and escalate. And who says he is not abusing her siblings as well. This needs to be reported whether she is taken away or not. Child abuse is NOT ok! She can also call the KIDS HELP PHONE. Be a good friend to her and tell YOUR parents or call social services yourself and save your friend.

Heres a thought, drop a random note to child services or something.

the only thing is that she WILL NOT tell ANYONE because really shy and doesnt trust many people should we tell someone without her knowing??? we were considering telling our school counselor but were not sure that she can be trusted. if she did find out that we told an adult she would be very mad. our parents dont know her well because she is so shy. she only has three friends to tell, us.

(were only in middle school)

Thats why I say to just drop a random note on your couselor with her name. Its anonymous, someone can say they saw a glimpse of a bruise on her.

we dont trust trust the conselor though. she dosent seem very trustworthy

Ok think of this.....what if she is seriously hurt?? Either by her father or by cutting herself?? What if she dies?? Are you really going to care if she would have been mad? Her being mad is only cause she feels shame or retribution by her father. I am a foster parent I have seen SO many hideous abuse cases. Please tell someone YOU trust or report it to the police or child services! Child abuse is WRONG WRONG WRONG! It does not matter that she will be mad or even hate you, you will know you did the right thing. She needs help but is not in an position emotionally to seek it herself. Be a good friend and report it. You do not have to give your name to child services you can report anonomously.

An aldult needs to be informed immediately.

I would suggest you sit down with your own mother or father and tell them. Violence is a disgusting act, and it is very much an ADULT situation. Children can only escape violence by adult means.

You can trust your parents. They will protect you and your friend.

your right. thanks.

Friendinneed,

I know this situation is difficult. What you must consider is that it can get MUCH worse. I know it is hard to believe, but ask yourself this question. If the situation were to be allowed to continue, and it did get worse, went someplace dark and disturbing, and your friend ended up getting hurt MUCH worse, suffering deeper psychological damage, or physical damage, even ended up being killed or committing suicide, how would you live with your inaction?

Depending on the school administration, an anonymous note might not be taken seriously enough. You can try three things if you don't trust the counselor:

-tell your parents or the parents of a mutual friend

-tell a teacher you trust

-call child protective services in your city (just call information at 411 and ask for the phone number)

Then also reassure your friend that she'll be okay. She might be sexually abused as well. Cutting is often a behavior associated with that sort of abuse. And this is very concerning to me: "he only does it when they're asleep" This seems to suggest he is doing this to her at night in her bedroom.

Good luck and keep posting here if you have questions.

she makes us swear not to tell... aNd I don't wanna break tyt swear. I know it's for the better And I gotta be brave

and sense only few of us know... if I told she would know it's one of us and never talk to us again

I love her so muchh. would child services take her or her dad??

and he does not sexually abuse her I know that for a fact. he just hits her at night when noones aware of it

Hi friendinneed. I'm glad you're still posting. We realize how hard this must be for you. You don't want to betray your friend's trust but you also want her to be safe so she's not abused anymore. This kind of situation is even hard for adults.

But listen to what all of us are saying. Your friend is crying out for help. She is saying she doesn't want anyone to know because she knows she'll get in trouble if her father finds out she's told you. But she also knows that by telling you there's a chance you'll tell someone. It's the only way she knows to get help. So you need to be brave and tell an adult who can make sure she's taken care of.

There's no way to know at this point whether she would be taken away. It depends on a lot of other things. Maybe the mother would divorce the father once she finds out. Maybe the father would be arrested and put in jail. Maybe he would simply need to go to family or individual counseling.

Your friend's safety and well being needs to be your top priority right now. Do you understand that?

your right, tomorow were gonna call and try to help, thank you guys so much we will post when we know more. thank u again, but we have 1 more problem... shes totally ablivious to had bad cutting herself is and how her dad is horrible. we tell her she could die from both but she dinies it she wont listen to anything we say

I'm so glad you're going to try to get help for your friend. You're doing the right thing.

Take one step at at time. Let's get through this first and then post again and let us know how it goes. Then we can talk about your friend's cutting.

well we were just talking to her over text and she promised she would stop cutting herself. shes one of the most honest people i no so i believe her, she didnt realize how dangerous it was. now she just asked us what to do in place of it... we said talk to us but thats not the best advice, any ideas???

easiest thing, tell one of your teachers at school. The teacher will look into it. Then they will most likely take her to see the counselor and then after talking to the counselor, she can decide what to do about the situation. She may be screaming for help but is too scared to tell an adult so she told you, hoping you'd tell someone that could protect her.

well we were just talking to her over text and she promised she would stop cutting herself. shes one of the most honest people i no so i believe her, she didnt realize how dangerous it was. now she just asked us what to do in place of it... we said talk to us but thats not the best advice, any ideas???

one of thanks best things she can do is to write about how she is feeling. what is going on in her mind. Or she can do something like draw. or read. or even listen to music that is uplifting.

i told my friend(when i was in high school) that i was going to kill myself. I really was serious about it. and she saw it...told my teacher, then i had to see the counselor. We talked. and i felt like someone was there for me, that helped me so much. I didn't think my parents cared for me, but knew my teacher and counselor did! I was mad at my friend at first. But I got over it, and thanked her for saying something that I wasn't ready to tell an adult.

ok, thank you again. il try it.

Those are good suggestions.

omg, thats serious. thanks 4 telling me, how long were you mad at her?

hi stella74, should we tell a parent before telling child services/a counsilor????

I think you should trust your instincts on this one. If you have a parent you really trust and feel you can talk to, you might feel better telling the parent first. But if you don't feel comfortable taking to any of your parents, you can talk to an adult at your school or child protective services.