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Thread: Can My Boyfriend Love me fully while liking another woman ?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member crystalpistel11's Avatar
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    Can My Boyfriend Love me fully while liking another woman ?

    Alrighty.

    Heres my deal ...Ive felt like something has been going on with my boyfriend and his one girlfriend for awhile now. Well my "feelings" are always right . So I read some messages written between the two of them . And they were planning on hanging out ..without me knowing about it . It wasnt for him to cheat . She told him to tell me ..and he said no because I would flip out . Well he ended up hanging out with her behind my back . So finally I couldnt take it anymore . And I asked him what was going on . I asked him if he liked her and he said yes . My boyfriend "loves " me and likes another woman . Well that just broke my heart because I have done nothing to deserve something like this . So I asked him if he wanted to be with her and he said no . And I Said well do you love her . and he said no . But he clearly has a crush on her . It just kills me because I know that the more you talk to somebody the more you get to like them . So I told him either he doesnt talk to her or its over . I know it probaly wasnt the right thing to do but I dont want to lose him . And I Know that if they didnt talk then theres no way he could like her more and more . Well I told him to tell her how he feels about her and why I am so upset about them hanging out . He ended up telling her .

    So then they were not talking . And then I ended up getting into a pretty bad car accident on the 3rd of febuary , and I had to go stay with my father for a few weeks while my boyfriend was here alone at our apartment . Well while i was gone ..they started talking agian . After I told him how much it hurt me

    What I want to know is..Is it possible to love me fully but have crushy feelings towards somebody else ?

    I typed this in a hurry if you want to know more about the situation just let me know

    Please help me out ..Im stressing out so much im making myself sick

  2. #2

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    He's not ready to be in a committed relationship, period. It's as simple as that. Sure, you could get him to agree not to see this woman, but he'll still think about her, dream about her, fantasize about her, perhaps even when he's with you. You can't change that.

    You can only control you. So your decision is simple. Can you tolerate some guy who isn't really ready to be in a relationship and will crush on other women, and potentially, cheat on you down the road? If you can handle it then do it. If not, then get out now. It's your choice.

    One thing is clear, you will not be "reabilitating" him. That's just not done. He will only be resentful and want to do something more is he's continuously told that he can't do something. He's just like a child or a bratty teenager that way.

  3. #3
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    of course he is capable of loving you fully

    he's just stupid that's all.

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    Bronze Member crystalpistel11's Avatar
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    We have been together for over a year and a half though . It was his idea to get serious .

    I just dont understand what is going on I really dont . I dont want to deal with him liking another woman But I guess it just happens . He said he doesnt want to be with her . They were friend before we met . He had a chance to be with her and he chose me . And she is in a serious relationship as well . And Ive talked to her about this whole thing too

    I just dont know what to do

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    You can love someone fully while crushing on someone else. We're mammals, it's a trick of our biology.

    But when you do love someone fully, you put them ahead of the crush and make them your priority. He isn't doing that.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member crystalpistel11's Avatar
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    Well he is too a certain point . I just dont understand him. I mean I even made him cry . I truly got thru to him . I thought. But now they are talking agian . I just dont understand it .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Yes he can both love you and like this girl at the same time. The question is do you want to be with him while he is hiding his feelings from you?

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    I just dont understand it .
    He's weak and stupid.

    He knows what he could loose and does it anyway. That is not the action of someone with control.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member crystalpistel11's Avatar
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    I want to be with him . Because I dont think I would be happier with anybody else . He truly makes me happy. Ive never met anybody that makes me so happy ...but so mad at the same time .

    Im the one he is with . He must want to be with me. But why would he risk our relationship? Should I let them be friends ? Should I get to know her ..and maybe let them hang out but only if im there with them ??

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
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    Did I miss something or why don't I see the problem?

    You're the jealous type of girl, right? Not trying to justify anything, but it would explain him not telling you when he went to hang out with her.

    About the liking part, what's the big deal? I like my guy friends (the same way I like my girl friends). That doesn't mean I have a crush on them or want to be with them. Liking is liking somebody as a person, simple as that.

    I think you're actually pretty possessive and controlling if you're going to forbid him to talk to other girls. You need to trust him.

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