Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21

Thread: Healing from break up - like grieving a death?

  1. #1
    bubblyblonde11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    London. UK
    Age
    44
    Posts
    1,736
    Gender
    Female

    Healing from break up - like grieving a death?

    Something I thought though, you know how like when someone dies, we grieve but we still carry on with our daily lives go about our normal business after a few days or a week or so after they have passed. When that happens we put on a brave face and carry on as best we can, however every now and then your feelings come into play and we miss or think about the person the loss etc.

    Same goes for relationships ending. It's like someone dying. We have to grieve, but at the same time be strong and carry on with life. More importantly LIVE not just exist.

    Hope that makes sense.

    Apprantley we have to go through all four of these too truly grieve and move on if you miss one emotion out you might suffer in future relationships because you haven't moved on properly?

    Anger
    Sadness
    Fear
    Sorrow

    So when we grieve a death we must go throguh the above in the same way we go through these when we experience a death of a relationship.

  2. #2
    sandyv

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    1,838
    Gender
    Female
    Yep the end of a relationship is very similar to losing someone to death. The feelings are pretty much paralell.... thats been my experience at least....

    And it is gradual but you do actually release that person from your life although it's a painful ending....

    Thats when you truly begin to heal I think.

    Sandy

  3. #3
    orchidrose
    Platinum Member orchidrose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    USA
    Age
    30
    Posts
    2,285
    Gender
    Female
    Very similar, especially in certain instances. I think a lot of us feel like the person that we loved is gone. For whatever reason, they chose to move on with their lives and detach themselves from us, often very suddenly. I find myself grieving more for the man that I loved than thinking about who he is now or who he will be. That person that I loved is gone forever, and all that I can do now is grieve for him as if he is a person who actually died.

    I think those four steps are very applicable in that sense.

  4. #4
    cabman
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    232
    Gender
    Male
    My relationship with my girlfriend ended a little over a week ago. I can tell you that the emotions associated with that are the same as when a loved one dies. There is dispair, extreme sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and fear. In my humble opinion there is a twist to it, the person you loved didn't die...they just don't want you anymore. Thats a tough one to swallow. I keep hearing that it just takes time to overcome these feelings, but man, its tough.
    Last edited by cabman; 07-30-2007 at 04:16 AM.

  5. #5
    Coyote9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Oregon, USA
    Posts
    1,284
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by cabman [Register to see the link]
    My relationship with my girlfriend ended a little over a week ago. I can tell you that the emotions associated with that are the same as when a loved one dies. There is dispair, extreme sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and fear. I my humble opinion there is a twist to it, the person you loved didn't die...they just don't want you anymore. Thats a tough one to swallow. I keep hearing that it just takes time to overcome these feelings, but man, its tough.
    So very true, and I think in a way can actually make the grieving process longer than for those we've lost due to death in some cases, because our minds can't accept that this person who we so loved is truly gone because, at least in sense that they are alive and able to love (someone else) they are still out there. I think for many of us we almost have to think of our ex's as if they've in fact died and stay in NC in order to really move through the stages of grieving that's been outlined here so well.

    A good friend of mine lost his girlfriend to cancer about a year ago. He was function very well within a couple of months but seems like he's having a tough time making connections to new women. I think that out of a breakup, once we can make a connection with someone new, the healing really accelerates quickly. I know for me it takes me many many months to get to that place after a signficant relationship breakup. Good thread Bubblyblond11!

  6. #6
    bubblyblonde11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    London. UK
    Age
    44
    Posts
    1,736
    Gender
    Female
    I think that is it, because the person is still out there, it makes it harder to accept and come to terms with.

    Perhaps we need to pretend they are dead?

  7. #7
    benga
    Gold Member benga's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Between Singapore & Chicago
    Age
    42
    Posts
    881
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    18
    Quote Originally Posted by bubblyblonde11 [Register to see the link]
    I think that is it, because the person is still out there, it makes it harder to accept and come to terms with.

    Perhaps we need to pretend they are dead?
    Bingo!!! Death is final. Nothing can change it or reverse it! Breaking up with somebody you love and are still connected to you, gives you very similar feelings & emotions.. To compound the emotional woes, the ex's are still very much around high fiving their friends for having you out of their lives...

  8. #8
    bubblyblonde11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    London. UK
    Age
    44
    Posts
    1,736
    Gender
    Female
    He can take any high fives and shove them where the sun only shines where his mum in concerned.....lol

  9. #9
    papalazarou
    Gold Member papalazarou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Brighton England
    Age
    44
    Posts
    870
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Its very much a living death because you know they are still alive.

  10. #10
    bubblyblonde11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    London. UK
    Age
    44
    Posts
    1,736
    Gender
    Female
    but wish they were...........ummm I am so naughty!!!

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
I know better....
Hello, I've been reading through many of these stories and find there are a lot of people that are going through similar feelings of heartache
Lots of sex with different partners during healing after break-up. Normal?
Hello guys, Just to make it short I ended a situationship where I was in a relationship, then got friendzoned and heart broken(this was about 2
52 male Heartbroken and lost
My girlfriend of 17 years broke up with me, we had just purchased a lovely home after years of renting. The house sold and I quit my job because of
Feeling lost after blending families
Disclaimer - my apologies if this is the wrong place to put this, but it seemed like the most sensible location that I could find. I recently
Confusing response from ex
Hi you all, I've shared my story here on enotalone before. Basically i was in a relationship which ended a couple of months back. The reason was that
30 days NC
So today is 30 days NC. The break up was done months back but my previous NC periods were broken up with her reaching out, the latest including a
Why does this bother me so much?
Hey guys. So gf of 7 years has left me for another guy again long story short and some of you know the long. So I did the unhealthy habit of looking

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Has anyone on here used face time after meeting someone online?
Met this lady on Craigslist and when I suggested we exchange numbers so we can set up a meeting she preferred face time. I have no interest in face
Does a cheater get a second chance..?
I posted earlier but everybody's just looking at all the negative stuff which I understand but my question is if you find out your significant other
Encouragement and Advice Needed Please
Hi, When I was younger I was very ambitious and optimistic about the future, I believed I could turn things around for myself and create a
Friends..!
Can exes remain friends?
Heard something pretty rude while dining out tonight
So I'm sitting at Paneras when a man and woman sit next to me. The man announces to the woman that as of today, he's lost 35 pounds in 10 weeks from
Too many weddings and babies and I m nowhere
Hi everyone I don't even know how to start but I m feeling depressed. I m in my mid 30's and never had a kid or got married. I had few serious
Is this cheating??
My ex and I got together for closure a few weeks after our break up. We talked and said how much we loved eachother and it was very emotional
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •