wow... I am honesly very sorry to hear your loss... I am in the same boat as you.. My mom wanted to kill herself and she too is an alcoholic.. I havent lost her yet.. she has given up on hope because she has recently divorced a very abusive husband and father... All I can tell you is... PLEASE dont blame yorself, there is nothing you could do even if you wanted to I hope that somday you will realize that.. You have a very strong heart and I hope you youself will not give up hope because it does get better, if you can get past the pain and everything else, there is a better life out there and I hope that you dont base your life around that ( Im not telling you to forget about your mother but to let her rest in peace)
