Pet loss, shock, anger, guilt & tearing family apart.

Hello

I'm new here & so desperate.

I had a Jack Russell terrier called Lucy, as all dog owners say, she was the best, so beautiful, clean & humanlike.

She was about 15 years old & recently started acting confused, not eating much, tail was down, no interest, going a bit deaf, but as dogs can't talk, we didn't know the prob.

We knew she had a bad tooth & maybe that was distressing her.

We went to the PDSA in uk, which is a vet for people on benefit as my parents are pensioners & they gave her anti inflammatory & anti biotic pills, saying it was old age. They don't do scans or anything as they are a charity & is too expensive.

We couldn't feed them her as she got aggressive & it was a physical impossibility to give the daily dose!

Friday morning she started chattering her teeth & having violent seizures, her head, legs & body moving so intense & her eyes looking so scared i was much, it was hard to take.

We took her to the clinic at 5.30am & they sedated her & told us to phone back at 10 am, we did & they said they had monitored her every half hour, bringing her out of sedation & the seizures started again, this happened for 7 hours.

The vet said if she was to stay alive, she would need permanent sedation, no life for a beautiful dog.

Thing is my mum is depressed & i have anxiety, her marriage is just a habit after 47 years & they aren't close really, the dog was everything to her, she treated it like a human.

She says now it was all she had & is the final straw.

Guilt is a sign of shock & bereavement, as is anger.

She says she knew it was more than old age & blames me & my dd for not taking her earlier, but still the vet would have said old age & given her pills, who knows.

She said she would have paid thousands to make her well.

We all have cried non stop, i am taking valium like sweets, i see her, hear her, dream of her, smell her & we are all in total shock that she is gone & wewon't see her again.

Can anyone empathise. Our world seems in tatters, i can't study, my mum is in bed with high blood pressure & i can't do anything to help, my dad is feeling guilt as there is tension between them & i worry about his health.

I have read the below topic about pet bereavement & empathise with Max. I just know that she was put to rest whilst sedated, so she knew nothing about it.

I just can't believe i won't play ball with her again, or see her chase cats.

She was the best, so clean & always scratched at the door when she wanted to pee etc. I have lots of photos i can't begin to see.

I've had to move her bed, her bowl, her toys, her chews, her lead etc.

I'm so upset & don't know when this will end.

Can someone help please

Gary

I am so sorry for your loss.

I have never experienced the loss of a pet, but I know our family dreads the day we may lose our loyal family dog since she is like part of the family. The joy our pets give us is truly a miracle and sometimes when I am sad ( b/c of a breakup), I look at pictures of our dog to make me smile ( she lives with my parents). We are truly blessed to be able to have these creatures touch our lives.

I don't know the right words to say because I can't imagine your grief and

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Please take care

Thankyou Bluegal

I have had relationship seperations & always thought they were worse as they were deliberate.

My dog showed unconditional love & that i saw her in pain & the shock, is something that will take time in healing.

I can't believe this, it's so much not real & i think i am going mad as i think i hear her lap water in her bowl, or trotting upstairs, but i guess thats us humans being selfish.

I can't believe i'll never see my Lucy again. I used to go to her when i was upset & talk to her, stupid i know, but she was there, unconditionally. A friend always there.

Thanks

Gary

gaz,

Let me give you some first hand experience and advice.

I had a Golden Retriever named Goldie who was diagnosed at the age of 2 with idiopathic epilepsy, for 10 years she was medicated 4 times a day with Phenobarbital and potassium bromide to reduce the number of daily seizures, not to stop them. She lived for 9 more years heavily medicated and very lethargic. In the end I had to put her down because the years of medication took a toll on her liver. She probably suffered her last few months but my own selfishness over took my common sense and I refused to have her put down, until the very end. To this day I hate myself for allowing her to suffer, the right thing to do would have been to put her down much sooner. A dog that is 15 years old probably would have survived a few more months with the medicine but the quality of life is what we sometimes fail to look at. It is very painful to put down a dog which we love so much but in the sense of the word love, we must do what is best for them and not us.

Google the poem "Rainbow Bridge" it may help your family. I'm very sorry for your loss but again, it's about what is best for the dog not the human that counts.

RC

Dear guz

I lost a pet 5 years ago, she was pregnant and was killed by a thief

All I can tell you is that I suffered a lot, but time deteled this pain from my mind

The worst pain and hard to deal with is the remorse by the things that we caused

And I am having a terrrivel pain right now for things I did in this last years

and I will post it in a new topic

So stay calm that time will set you free for this pain because it's not cause by guilt

Mustache

I have lost a few pets in my life, and every time it's absolutely tragic, just like losing your best friend.

Rest assured your pet does not blame you, nor does your pet feel anymore pain. Ask God for a sign that Lucy is alright, and try to remember all the fun times you had with her.

Your mom is very wrong for blaming all of you, and is acting very immature for her age. Don't pay any notice. We all want someone to blame when tradgedy strikes, but she should not be blaming you.

Much love and prayers to you.

Your all so helpfull in this, yes, human selfish time me & my family go through at this moment!

The emotional things that get to us like seeing her water bowl, her bed, not seeing her in the morning & taking a walk are all the part of the human & not the dog.

I don't know how dogs think, they are creatures of habit & want 'us' because we give them food, kindness & comfort, i just know that how she looked at me the last time i saw her with eyes of terror & not knowing what is happening, will upset me a long time.

I believe from an ex vet nurse that i spoke to from a UK website, she was almost 100% sure it was the spread of ex mamary tumors to her head, hence the deafness, lack of co-ordination & eratic behaviour. That it grew & pressed on the brain & resulted in the seizures. They can't talk, they just show it in ways!

It is heartbreaking & will take time to get over the pain she must have been in at the end, the pressure in her little head!

Thats what i never wanted, for her to be in pain, she loved life.

Gary

"DOGS ARE PEOPLE!" ....this is a little bumper sticker that I have on my refrigerator. I have an English Bulldog who is "my child." I love her with all my heart. I can't imagine losing her and she is only a year and a half. You had your sweet puppy for 15 years!

Anyone that says "it is just an animal" makes me sad. I wish they felt differently and wouldnt assume that others would buy into their belief. No one knows exactly what it is like to love a pet unless they have been in that situation. You seem a lot like me...sensitive and a big heart.

In my guidance counseling internship, I volunteered at a grief camp for kids who had lost someone important in their lives....a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, etc. What we taught them includes the following:

-it is ok to cry.

-people shouldnt be encouraged to just "get over it."

-they should be encouraged to talk about it and express how they feel.

-bond with others who have lost someone special, too.

-we created "memory boxes", encouraged journaling, scrapbooking, etc.

My suggestions:

*Create a webpage "tribute" to your puppy. "Myspace" would be a good one. Its easy. You can put so many pictures up, slideshows, make friends with others, post bulletins, blogs, select music for your page, etc.

*Brainstorm the memories you had with her. Reflect on her life in terms of a "celebration."

*Does AKC have a Jack Russell Club? If so, maybe they have a "In Memory" page. I know English Bullies do.

Hang in there. Its ok to be sad. You have lost someone very important to you. Please keep me posted as to how you are doing.

>The emotional things that get to us like seeing her water bowl, her bed...

Yes, looking her objects can sure cause pain and it happened to me too

But as it's not your guilt. So it is a healthy feeling of a person who is able to love a pet

Believe me, time will delete this pain

Mustache

Thanks

I know i did see & my mum especially, that this dog was humanlike, but no dog thinks like a human, i think they sense things, like she used to go behind the couch when there was an argument.

They don't think in English !!, i wish i knew how they thought, i know they sense a lot & can't explain whats going on, my dog book says they can't reason things.

They keep away from people that treat them bad, she always avoided or growled at certain people.

She had a big fussy personality as Jack Russells do, but Relationship Coach is right, us humans are selfish & sometimes keep animals alive for our benefit to avoid our pain!, not thinking of the dogs.

Thats what gets me, if she could have talked, would she have said 'let me go'??

I'm going through times of feeling a little more accepting & then i see something & burst into tears.

Gary

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I lost a dog too that was 19 years old. She had much the same symptoms that your dog did and unfortunately for us we had to have her put to sleep. It hurt soo so bad. This dog was a friend from the time I was 6 years old on. I still miss her and think of her often. I hope that the following poem is of comfort to you. Your mom is still in the anger/denial stages of grief. Its going to take a while to get past this. YOur puppy was old. They spent many happy years with you. It doesnt make it any easier, but know this... 'all dogs go to heaven'

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown... link removed

Southerngirl thanks

I hope i don't get electrocuted as i write this but tears are falling.

I thankyou for the poem & have spoken to pet bereavement councelors & understanding is the 1st issue, knowing that i couldn't have done anything.

Her mamary tumors removed 18 months ago are connected to Brain tumors & Epileptic fits don't go on for 7 hours like the seizure my dog had! She was brought in & out of sedation many times & my vet said if she was to live, it would be under heavy sedation. No life, just selfish human choice.

I read the poem & others, i cry when i do, i imagine her frolicking with other dogs, it is reminding me of our times & although makes me smile, makes me cry too, it's strange how the 2 emotions are linked.

She will always be in my heart & for time yet, bring a lump to my throat.

As all dog owners say, she or he was the best!!

Regards

Gary

I knowthis, she had a great life with us, just she is missed & her face, smell, touch & all is so clear in our minds & yet so far away.

It even gives me anxiety to think of them cremating her,she had a lovely coat of hair & her face was adorable, i'm sorryy i can't type anymore ...

(3) I read somewhere (not sure how easy this is) that some people have their desceased pets stuffed by professional taxidermists this way their beauty is preseverd for ever.[/Quote]

 

There is something I saw on tv. It was a news special. There is a company that will preserve a loved pet through a process that involves freeze drying them. They look like they are sleeping when the process is completed. It can be kind of pricey but if you look at the website you will see what its about. link removed

I know through relationship counseling & times when relationships with girls ended, i felt the same, but an animal gives you no grief, no stress, they take little & give a lot.

Thats what upsets me.

I shan't be having an urn of ashes or a tree or somewhere to visit, i want to remember the good times in photos in future & in my mind.

Gary

Gazmix : How are you doing today?