it just happened

So basically we just broke up. He said " I am not ready for marriage.You are. You want this relationship to go from 50mph to 100mph.And i am not. I see that you are unhappy. I dont want to break up.Why cant we just love each other and laugh. " I said , the problemis that you dont EVER see marriage in your future. And i want it. This is not gonna work out." I started crying.. we were on the phone.... he YAWNED!!!! HE YAWNED!!!!

I said are you yawning right now?I am crying , we are breaking up and you are yawning??? He started laughing , i hung up. Took the phone off the hook. I dont even know what to tell my family. This is the worst.

I know that this is hard, but really, it's for the best. He's in his 40s, right? If he wanted marriage, he would have probably brought it up by now. Some people just want to stay single forever.

He sounds like he was being rude and heartless towards you.

If you want marriage, then this guy isn't the one for you. It's good to recognize that sooner rather than later....

it will be ok.

I agree w/ annie.

Blessings come in disguise often, and we are here to learn.

you deserve someone who wants the same thing.

Thanks guys . He called my cell phone - tricked the caller id - i answered he said there is something wrong with your home phone.I said There is nothing wrong i took it off the hook.

he said why

i said because we just broke up , i was crying and you yawned.

he said we are not broken up

i said yes we are , its over

he said i will call you later , when you feelbetter

i said dont ever call me again , its over

i hung up

now to tell my family.

I am sure this is going to get some good responses and will say it anyway. How long did you go out for? Were you happy? Was he loyal? Did he respect you and treat you right? I realize the time comes to get married, but have also been in your ex's shoes. I don't know him so will not stick up for him at all because there are a lot of players and single for life guys out there. I just know that I was not ready for marriage with my ex. I knew that I loved her and just needed more time. It is so hard when your partner wants to marry and you are not ready because you just don't know when that point will come. I went out with my ex for three years, but did not feel ready financially and just got divorces right before we met. Marriage is very scary for a man. I realize that a man should want to marry his partner out of love, but I hate to say it, but in most states a man has a lot to lose. I am not saying he should not trust you, but do believe he just has to be ready. Marriage seems to be much more viable for a woman because they have nothing to lose. Sounds harsh, but it is true. With that said, I loved my ex so much and if she just gave me a little more time, I would have married her in a heartbeat. She had $35,000 in debt and I still would have married her, but wanted to be a little more secure financially. Your ex could be justifiably scared or he could be a bad guy. I have no idea. I realize that most intelligent women do not want to waste another second with a guy that will not marry them. Women seem to think they only have up to a certain age to be wanted. I am 37 and there are plenty of woman out there that are attractive to me. If he is a good guy, then maybe you should have a talk with him. There were like two times my ex said she would only wait six months and then get married with in a year. She broke up with me and was engaged in three weeks. It did not work out.

yes he is in his 40's.

Hi ocrob. The thing is - he said he NEVER see's himself getting married. Not to me not to anyone. NEVER. NO KIDS EVER.DOESNT WANT THEM.

I do want a family. I want a house together - a family together.

I asked him where he saw himself in 3 to five years.He told me yesterday" Right here where i am .In this condo . Doing the same thing i am today"

There was no future with me , none. What was i to do? Yes he was loyal , commited , wonderful to my family. But i want to get married. Plain fact is he doesnt. EVER.

oh well , here comes the panic attacks.

Sibling, this guy is a commitment phobic. I know a guy exactly like this. He's 43, NEVER been married, doesn't want kids (he even got a vasectomy)...and he is one of the most selfish jerks I have ever met. This guy probably means what he says when he says he's never going to get married. You or ANYone won't change that. So let him be happy with his selfish self.

Marriage seems to be much more viable for a woman because they have nothing to lose.

ocrob, you know you are going to get some abuse for this generalized untrue statement. (that's all that I'm going to give you- )

Sibling,

I'm sorry that it finally happened, but maybe it is better this way that you don't drag it out any longer, knowing that he never wanted to get married and you did and wouldn't have been happy settling for less with him.

I didn't realize he was in his 40's already.... yes, I'd say that by now he's had a fair taste of the "single" life and would know whether or not he wanted to marry.

You are doing the right thing for you. Now you will not deny yourself the chance the get married to the right man who loves you and wants that level of commitment, have a family with him, and live your dream.

You are very brave. He was honest, you knew the way it was, and you stood up for yourself.

((HUGS)) hang in there girl!

Thanks Lady Bug and Hope .

Just took a bath -put on my pj's and gonna wallow my sorrows in hot chocolate

Tomorrow i am gonna remain positive. And get focused. My girlfriends have offered their couches and bottles of wine , but i feel good at home alone right now. Maybe a large pizza is in order.

As i typed this he just called , he left no message.

please keep me focused my friends!!

well, if you want marriage and kids, and he doesn't, then the breakup was inevitable. Better you break up now rather than 5 years down the line, still without a family and kids and a house.

It is better for both of you.

Hey Girl,

Get your extra anchovies on that pizza, have a glass of wine, take the offers this week of your friends' support, and keep busy.

You did the right thing, and in the end although it will be hard, I think you will be happy knowing that you now have the change to fall in love with someone who wants to get married to you and have a family with you.

((HUGS)) Wrap a big fluffy blanket around you and give yourself a big hug!

I did write my post to get a response and also wrote it because I was there once. But, this guy does not seem to fit into your plans. If I am with a woman that knows she wants kids and I don't, then it is a waste of time to continue. Like I said, I don't know this guy and after further explanation, he does not sound like a good fit. You have to be willing to compromise for the one you love. He sounds very selfish or at least focused on only what he wants. You can't make a man want kids, but I do believe marriage is something that will come with time. I think that you are right on and I just wanted to express that some of us guys are scared about marriage. I know that once I find my soulmate, then I will want to spend the rest of my life with her. Good luck!

sibling295,

This guy won't change. There are other men out there that want the same things out of life that you do. Stay strong and be good to you now.

Prayers,

hosswhispra

Hey sibling,

Sorry to hear, I know it's hurtful, but based on your other posts and other conversations with you, I really think this was the best thing as you two really were in very different places and wanting very different things in the future - not just in terms of marriage but also with children. Ultimately those two are dealbreakers if they are important enough to the people involved.

It will be hard of course, and there is lots of healing time ahead of you, but I am also glad you did not drag it out another few months as I think it was pretty clear he was adamant about it never happening. I think though he is still trying to exert control over you, to make you seem like the bad guy, so I really suggest you limit contact with him so as to prevent getting dragged back into this again - knowing that things will not change for him.

Ultimately, you are both better off being free to be with the people whom will be more compatible and share the same values/goals when it comes to marriage and children. Neither of you was wrong, but you just were not right together.

RK

Hi Sib,

Good for you! I'm so proud of you for ditching this man who was so rude and unloving that he yawned while you broke up with him!

He is expecting you will change your mind...don't. If you ever stand up for yourself, do it now. He just demonstrated how little the relationship actually means to him by being so uncaring and just plain rude to you. He didn't seem upset at all...that says something.

I hope you had a glass of wine with that pizza girl, and welcome back to the real world, where someone who is loving and kind has been searching for someone as wonderful as you.

I completely agree with everyone here. Accept your friend's support, and spend time taking care of yourself now. Be sure to get his junk out of your place as soon as possible or he will be back and you'll get guilted into staying with him.

PM if you need anything and we'll have a chat.

I hope you are doing well. It surely seems you will be best off in the long run with out this man. You speak of wanting marriage, a home, a family. He has made it clear that he doesnt and that he sees himself doing the same thing he is now in 5 years from now. Even though he has the right to live the kind of life he prefers, he was very rude and cruel to have yawned and laughed in your face over the phone when you were clearly upset over it what was going on. The two of you want different things. YOu have hopes and dreams for yourself. He has already stated that he will be probably be doing his same old thing years from now. I am sure you will find what you desire in life. Keep strong and dont let this man reel you back in.

How was your day Sib?

Are you doing alright?