sister got cheated on,mistress is pregnant

Hello!

I am devastated.My sister told me this weekend that her husband had cheated on her a couple of times, and now the mistress was pregnant (the condom broke). my sister is mother of 3 and 10 weeks pregnant. i would never have thought this might be possible, he really seemed a perfect and loving husband. they looked like the perfect family.

what kind of advice can I give my sis? she is going to see a lawyer, and wants to ask her husband to convince his mistress that she needs to abort...

gosh, i don't know what to do, so if there is someone who could help me, I'd appreciate it.

Thank you

Hey swissangel,

That is a terrible situation for your sister. Is she seeing a lawyer because she considers a divorce? I think pressuring for abortion is not exactly the way to go. Her husband and the misstress are completely responsible for what happened. So this is something he has to resolve. Now that she is pregnant it's not your sisters choice to end the pregnancy. It's the choice of the mistress who is carrying the baby. I think it's her right to decide what happens to the baby. I think it's best if she seeks legal advice if she considers ending the marriage, or else get her husband to agree to marriage counselling.

Ilse.

Tough situation. Even with 3 kids and one on the way, your sister would most likely be much better off without a cheating husband. She should talk to the lawyer about protecting her interests should she decide to get a divorce.

While her husband can tell the other woman he'd rather she had an abortion, I seriously doubt there is any way to (legally) force her to do so. Forcing someone to have an abortion (no matter what the circumstances) strikes me as wrong on so many levels. The final decision should be made by the woman who is carrying the baby, IMO...but that's a debate for another time.

If she decides to have the baby, your sister's husband will have an obligation to provide financial support to that child. I see you are not in the US, but I'll assume there are some sort of child support laws in place in your country.

Even if the other woman decides to abort, it doesn't make the underlying problems in your sister's marriage go away. Those are the things she should be addressing with her husband, a lawyer, and perhaps a counselor. Difficult as it may be, she needs to think clearly and focus on herself and her children and protecting their interests, and try not to get pulled into the drama of the other woman's pregnancy.

they looked like the perfect family.

Remember that the next time you look at someone and think they're better off or happier than you are, or you find yourself envying what you think someone else's life is like. Things are not always what they seem to the outside observer.

Yes...your sister should get legal advice on what her rights are. In terms of ending the relationship, if she is ready to do that at this point.

Doesn't sound like it. Not when she is thinking that MISTRESS aborting will solve the issue. uggghhh... I hate it when innocent babes are involved. The baby didn't ask to be made. And now its there. NOPE.. she doesn't have the right to ask MISTRESS or tell MISTRESS what to do with her body or her baby.

HUBBY is a heel!!! its him she needs to get angry at and deal with.

YEP.. it always seems so perfect and so wonderful from the outside. Rarely is it that easy or that simple. The grass always looks green in the neighbors yard. I always marvel at how some people hide thier problems better than others.

Be supportive of your sister. Help her care for herself and her children. Offer to listen to her vent. Try not to give too much advice... just listen. WHY? whenever a husband and wife are involved... and you give advice or opinions... it never fails. They patch it up and you wind up being the scape goat. uggghhh. So be supportive and loving as you can, without being to judgemental of him.

Suggest counselling for her.. for him.. for both of them. Your sister will need it more than anyone to get her through.

hi Ilse,

thanks for your answer. Just finished talking to my sister, and the mistress does not want to abort. My sister is going to the doctor's on wednesday to see what are her possibilities with abortion (for herself), and on thursday she and her husband are going to a counsellor.

They have been talking a lot, and she is especially afraid of seeing a kid coming to her place in a few years asking to see his dad. She said that was the most terrifying thing for her. SHe could accept and understand her husband cheated on her,but the fact of knowing there is another of his child in the same town is very difficult for her.

anyway, i'll do my best to support her...

hi...

I just saw the latest answers they were posted when I was answering Ilse.

As you both said, my sister has no right to force the other woman to abort, and now sh'es telling me she doesn't know why she should have an abortion instead of her. SHe wanted her baby and is probably gonna have it. We live in Switzerland and the laws are really good here, so that's not her problem actually. he earns enough money to support her and the kids, but she doesn't know yet if she wants to divorce or not, it's all to early, she only discovered it 3 days ago...

I really try to be there for her at the moment and invited her for a holiday, whenever she wanted so she could change her mind...

Your poor sister! The only thing I would do is be there for her. Her lawyer should give her plenty of advice...maybe.

I can imagine that she doesn't want another baby with the man she just found out cheated on her. However, I would really try to convince your sister to do nothing just NOW. It's just been three days. It's her baby as well, she might really regret it later. I think the best way is for the husband to break off the relation, make the mistress clear that he wants to work on the marriage, go to counselling and YES, he needs to pay childsupport for the baby if the mistress wants to continue the pregnancy.

Do you know if the mistress knew he was married? Or did he have her convinced he was an unattached lad (or her boyfriend?). That would really be sad for her as well.

Take care,

Ilse.

What is your sister's intentions in going to a lawyer?

I think that having your sister's husband demand that she have an abortion is not going to solve the problem. Your sister needs to address her issues with her husband, the mistress having a baby is actually not her concern. Her focus should be on her marriage and her husband, and she needs to decide what exactly she wants to do.

hello!

well, my sister's intentions in going to see a lawyer is to find out what her rights are in case she wants to get a divorce and in case the mistress's kid arrives one day and asks for his father...which she is really afraid of.

she is talking a lot with her husband, but is still very hurt and cannot sleep much.

my brother in law had his mistress sign a paper saying that she will not ask him anything and so on, but the problem is that it has no legal value.

as said before, they are going to see a counsellor and talk about all that, which is a very good thing. they have been talking too a lot about all this; my sister could accept the cheating part, but not the baby and now she has to think what is best for her. she will need time, they will need time to set their, her priorities straight and see how they can deal with all that.

she is also concerned about her two oldest sons, who already noticed there was a problem between their parents...

Frankly I think the best thing she can do is contact a lawyer for divorce. Imagine wut it would be like if the child were to ask for his father and wut would your sister then tell her children, stepchildren, imagine that. If it was just the cheating alone then she could do counseling but it's the baby that's a concern and thte fact that the mistress won't abort it.

I personnally agree, but for her it's too soon to think about that, she is still under shock. she'll need time to figure out what's best for her...but it's a terrible siutation...