Need help on cheating husband

Hello all,

About a month ago my husband was on a business trip overseas and slept with another women. We have been married for three years and this was a huge shock since we have had small problems but nothing like this. He came home immediately and told me about it. When he came in he wanted to get the divorce. I supect it was due to the fact that he thought I was going to want the divorce and he was preparing for it because now he has changed his mind.

For the last month I have started personal counseling. My husband said he would consider going to a counselor but wasnt thrilled about it. The counselor I am seeking says we need to talk with someone together. I dont want to make my husband go if he isnt willing too. I know some couples have been able to work through infidelity without seeking outside help from a counselor.

He says he loves me and was extremely sorry for what he did. We actually have been getting along better and been talking about problems as they arrise instead of ignoring them. However, now he is scheduled for another business trip and I am still fearful of him cheating again. I have tried my hardest not to constantly remind him how I feel about the situation and just talk about how we can prevent this from happening again. I am affraid if I hold it over his head we will grow even futher apart.

I guess I just need some advice on where to go from here. I want to trust him again but I feel like I am going to go crazy while he is gone. I know there is a lot of love between us still otherwise I dont think we would be willing to work on staying together. Any suggestions would help.

Thanks,

cynsweet

The true test of trying to work through infidelity, is that both parties are willing to make an effort to make positive changes in the relationship. Another key component is that the person who committed infidelity wants to change their behavior. At this point it's a judgment call, if you believe that he wants to work things out then you need to allow yourself to trust otherwise your relationship is already doomed.

That's why I don't like men who are always away in business trips...too much temptation. They are lonely and feel no one will find out.

On a male view i think you both need to give it 1 last tryand you need to trust him, at the end of the day u can never see what ur partner is doing 24/7 and a marriage is worth working at especially if u love each other, but i will say if he ever cheats again u know u have 2 walk away for good!!

If your husband is really interested in working things out, then he should be thrilled about going to marriage counseling.

Go with him. If you can't, then I guess you just have to trust him.

I agree with some_guy.

He should be doing anything it takes to make you feel better about things adn everything to fix his incredibly huge mistake, including going to counseling with you.

I personally would NOT go. I'd prefer to work on things myself through talking and learning to trust etc. I dont need anyone poking their noses in my affairs, bringing up the bad stuff that maybe should be forgotten and maybe he feels the same. We are all different.

However, he didn't have her needs in mind when he cheated. He should be bending over backwards to make this relationship work since he's the one who royally screwed up, even if that means going to a counseling session he wouldn't have initially gone to.

He should be bending over backwards to make this relationship work since he's the one who royally screwed up, even if that means going to a counseling session he wouldn't have initially gone to.

I agree. If he really cares about making things work, he should be willing to do whatever his wife feels it will take to earn back her trust.

However, he didn't have her needs in mind when he cheated. He should be bending over backwards to make this relationship work since he's the one who royally screwed up, even if that means going to a counseling session he wouldn't have initially gone to.

I agree. He can feel free to tell you that he's just not the counseling type, but he should go and participate if he's that sorry and wants to keep you.

It's commendable that you don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to; but you wouldn't be going to counseling either, had he just kept it in his pants. You are within your rights to ask him to go.

BTW, get recommendations for marriage counselors, and check them out beforehand. I've known couples who got counselors who dragged out old baggage. You should expect some of that as you explore any issues that may have led to cheating. However, this counselor didn't help them resolve anything. The couple ended up fighting more and resolving less and ultimately quit counseling.

Your counselor should focus on cheating: how it should NOT happen again; and trust: how you can feel it and how he can earn it back. Ask them for suggestions that will help both of you get through his business trips. And is it possible for him to put off traveling until you get through some of this?

Good luck, and please keep us posted. Take care!

If your husband is really interested in working things out, then he should be thrilled about going to marriage counseling.

Well said some_guy! He is the one in the hot seat so he should be the one putting forth the most effort. He should be so happy that you didn't leave him that he jumps at any chance to reconcile the relationship.

I know it's hard but all you can do is trust him. He obviously is not a liar if he told you what he did even though he knew that if he did he could lose you. All you can do is believe him when he says he won't do it again.

Like lillady wrote, he really should be bending over backwards since he's the one who royally screwed up. If he really loves you, he'll sacrafice for you and go to counseling.

I fill you should trush him, reason he came home and told you about the affair, he felt bad or he would not have told you. If he did not love you he had the choice to end the marraige and did not. That tells me that he still wants to be with you. #1 he would give me the name of the girl he cheated with and would make a call to her right in front of me and tell her to never contact him again and to leave him alone. That he loves you and does not intend for this to go any further, if he can do this then you can trust him. He should be able to do a least this much if the wants the marrage to work. If not I would walk.