how do i help this shy guy feel more comfortable?

hey everyone, this is my first post, so here goes...

this guy and i have been hanging out for a while now, but talking to each other for a lot longer... we've both said that we like each other, but it never has gone any further because we are both so shy... especially him! i like him so much and he likes me, but he doesn't quite know how to express it. i've dated shy guys before, but never like this one... but he's just so great, i can't just let this potentially good thing we have go down the drain! what should i do? thanks

Are you willing to waste your feelings on him based on how shy he is? What is more important to you?? You can't exactly make a shy guy unshy.. maybe the more you two hang out and get more comfortable then you both will open up more and do the things that you feel are outgoing.

09iswhereitsat,

Eventually, one of you is going to have to make a move. Since you're taking the initiative to try and get advice about it, I would bet you're going to be the one to make a move.

Plan a date with him. Doesn't have to be fancy, it could even be just to hang out, grab some coffee, whatever. Read his body language. He already told you he likes you, so you're halfway there. When you're close to him at any time during the date, watch his eye contact. Lock eyes with him. While locking eyes, move in slow. Tell him you like spending time with him. Continue to watch his body language. If positive (which it should be), move in for a kiss. Just make it a peck if you're too nervous. Also, it probably wouldn't hurt to wear a v-neck shirt to tempt him even more. Good luck.

If you want more your going to need to take the initiative. Us shy guys are more likely to open up if we know are moves will be reciprocated, and if your making the moves already then it boosts our confidence so we can make a move ourselves.

chai714 gave some good advice. I'd say though that if he is really shy moving in for a kiss might be a little much, even if it would diffently get the point accross. While your looking in his eyes take his hand. Say how much you enjoy spending time with him and how you want the relationship to progress. Ask him how he feels and try to drag it out of him. Being that close, touching you, hearing you say those things... it should get him going.

I agree in that you are going to have make the first move. It may surprise you. I was a shy kid at that age and when my girlfriend came on to me and planted that kiss, I was like 'why haven't I made the first move before!" I ended up not being as shy and was more aggresive and outgoing.

Melting a guy's shyness takes time, but it's so worth the effort! Invite him out for something fun but harmless like mini golf, bowling, billiards, rollerblading, etc. and just have fun with it. Flirt mercilessly!

If it'll help ease his nervousness, make it a group date.

A little humor goes a long, long, long way.

It's so obvious! Get him drunk!

Lol - Dizzy...

If only you would add, "But not TOO drunk."

Can I add my story here? Apologize for hijacking thread but maybe it'll help...

10+ years ago I met someone I consider one of my best friends - it's a guy I'll call Humble, Hum for short.

Started off just thinking - nice guy, really shy, very fun, likes the same things I do, we can talk for hours, have similar interests (not all the same tho), he thinks I'm funny, I think he's hilarious...

We go to the casino, concerts, rollerblading, biking, dinners, movies... etc... and one night, lo and behold, I think I've fallen in love with him.

For 2 years I don't say a word but I "know" - my heart races, I giggle like a teenage school girl with him around...

One night at his family pig roast (we're now talking 10 years ago, k?) - he puts his hand around my back, I'm like "oooohhhh"... then another night he puts his hand on my shoulder at the casino, and I'm like, "aaaahhhh" - yep, I'm falling harder than a boulder down a cliff now.

So, fast forward 2 years (now 8 years ago) - I'm leaving my company for a new job. We go out to the summer "place to be"... a guy there wants to know how long Hum and I have been married... We laugh, say we're not... he says how long have you two been dating... we laugh, we say we're not... he says, "well why not?" He pulls me aside and questions why I'm not with Hum - do I not have a thing for him? HE tells me it's obvious that my friend is in love with me... I'm like, how can you tell? I tell this guy at the bar (not my friend) that I've been in love with my friend for years.

So... I proceed to get not just drunk, not just plowed, but hammered... puke hammered. I was ALL over my friend that night - touching his arm, rubbing his back, brushing up against him... oh Gawd, and then I got sick... in the bathroom at the bar, on the way home... he had to stop twice.

We get to my house - he doesn't just drop me off, he comes inside. He goes to give me a huge hug (we've never hugged to that point) and all I could think was, "MAN this is AWESOME!!!" and then like a wave on a beach in Florida during a hurricane, I think I'm going to... puke... right down his backside.

So, I boot him out the door, rush to the bathroom, lose whatever's left inside of me.. and he comes back in with my sunglasses... yep, while I'm wiping my mouth... I tell him thanks, send him on his way. It's about 3:30 AM.

Next morning he calls me at 8:30 AM... yep, 5 hours later. I asked him if he got to bed by 4 (he lives about 25 minutes away)... he said, "No, I was so wound up last night I had to watch tv for a bit. Do you know how hard you were on me last night?"

Fast forward 8 years, two ex bfs, and I'm still in love with him... no... wait, not in love, I adore him... always have... and probably, always will.

He's the light in my life when skies are cloudy and dark; he's the laughter in my life when I do something funny, stupid, hilarious; he's the calm in the storm for me when I need him to be; he's the rational when I need an outside perspective; he's my shoulder when I need one to cry on (and he's been there so many times); he's my friend and I adore him.

But, he's shy.

I wasted a chance 8 years ago to take this thing of ours to a different level by being TOO DRUNK. I wasted a chance with him to not waste time with other, not worthy of me, men.

I will love Hum forever. I will move heaven and he!! to help him with whatever comes his way. And for as long as I live, I will regret that booze ruined a potential life with someone.

Drinks help alleviate the shyness - just don't get too drunk!

He's the light in my life when skies are cloudy and dark; he's the laughter in my life when I do something funny, stupid, hilarious; he's the calm in the storm for me when I need him to be; he's the rational when I need an outside perspective; he's my shoulder when I need one to cry on (and he's been there so many times); he's my friend and I adore him.

 

But, he's shy.

Lakergal, I have a feeling this story of yours isn't quite over yet...

09iswhereitsat, try not to move too fast, or else he might not know how to react. time and attention.. plus you making the first move will help ALOT. even if its not anything physical, maybe sending a letter or note telling him you'd like to get more serious. dropping some nice big bombs (but not too big) will help. as chai said though, watch the body language. It'll still take time, but if you care about him, it'll be worth it.

lakergal, what came to be?

LOL - it's been about 11 years in the making... a little more time won't hurt

So... same old; he's very busy right now with work, and I'm pretty non-intrusive - I'll wait until the busy time ends in a few weeks and go from there....

I know I'll always see him again - when I told him a few years ago if I didn't find a job I was moving to FL, he sort of panicked and asked why I wouldn't come to him for help...

So? Time is on our side - we're old, ya know - 41 (almost) and 44... and the love is still there

Hope all is well~

09iswhereitsat, I will tell you as a guy who used to be shy, he may never make a move. He needs some kind of indication that it's o.k. to make a move. Yes, flirting is a good idea, but remember that men and women flirt differently. If they've dated much, they can pick up on the subtile flirts of the opposite sex. In the case of shy people, you need to flirt much more obviously and in a fashion they will recognise.

Women use body language much more than men. Men tend to flirt verbally.

This is why flirts go unnoticed.

If you want him to do something, flirt verbally. Remember to pause before and after you say it to make it stand out in a conversation. Maintain eye contact if possible and most importantly... repeat, repeat, repeat. The first time he hears it, it will stick in his mind. The second time will make it stand out. The third time will validate his suspicions. Some guys may take more time and repetition. Remember, guys are dense. We can do a lot of things, mind-reading is not one of them.