Has anyone ever struggled with addiction?

[handsomejack]

I am coming to you as someone who has struggled, failed, somewhat overcome and still having a hard time? Sounds a little out there, but it's true.

 

I've lost a lot of people in my life. I don't have much of a family. The friends I do have are amazing but they don't understand.

 

It all started with binge drinking and basically staying drunk all day and passing out. I would push the friends I do have away. Honestly, it numbed every bit of my pain (I do realize it is temporary) but it helped me sleep, it helped me overcome. I had lost a family member to suicide, my mother had been diagnosed with early-onset alzheimers and I needed something, just something to keep myself from going over the edge. Although I had.

 

I would travel back and forth from where I live to my college town. My college town has been my favorite place, unsure why I moved away but I visit frequently since my mother lives there. I fell back into contact with my serious ex-boyfriend from college and unfortunately began experimenting with stronger/harder things.

 

I am trying my hardest to overcome this battle and it has been increasingly difficult as I face so many difficult things (excuses, I know) but my friends have pushed me away to get help. Does anyone have any advice for someone struggling so hard to keep his head above water? :( Has anyone been through this or known anyone to go through this? What do you suggest?

[DanZee]

Have you tried AA meetings? They have a system that works for a lot of people. Everybody there are fighting the same demons and you can get support, especially if you have a sponsor you can go to when you're feeling tempted. You don't have to believe in God or do all of the 12 steps to get a lot out of the program.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent advice from DanZee. The first step is getting out o your own private hell and allowing support from those who've been on that road.

[jesus83]

Drugs and alcohol, I've been there. Once you get used to something, it becomes hard to do without. I found myself quickly bored without a drink. Many will tell you to get involved in activities like volunteering, but if you're working during the day, that makes it difficult. There really isn't much else to do at night. You can cook, watch TV, read or get on the internet, but I'll be honest and say as an extroverted person, those aren't first choice when I have money. Being used to meeting friends for drinks and watching sports.

[Kev0s1983]

Just seen OP hasnt been online for ages! - if it helps anyone else --->

 

OP: Today is day 100 of sobriety for me - from alcohol.

 

Been a heavy drinker for a long time and it is so difficult to recognise an issue when trying to assert the problem is 'not that bad' or 'Im not an alcoholic because I have a job' etc.

 

I got the wake up call when the ex left me at the start of the year. It was the second time she left and right away I made the choice to take the path of leaving my addiction behind.

 

I have been to an AA meeting every day for two months and that will continue. The program can work for you if you allow it and have patience. I found my mindset and personality were totally different from what I wanted to believe they were.

 

I had zero self-respect, no confidence, terrified of so many things (including losing the ex which became reality!) ... For me, alcohol numbed and allowed an escape from some messed up stuff in the past, but my outlook and perspective was not correct or healthy. When you change the way you look at events in your life, you have the ability to make use of them in a positive sense.

 

I have become fit, healthy, eating better than ever, looking great and have discovered so much about who I really am. Sure, life is not perfect and I have so many amends to make (part of the 12-step program of which I am working through one step at a time) but the past is gone, I cannot change it. What I can control is the present, the future isnt here either but I have hope and positivity for the first time in ... who knows!

 

Learning to accept life as it happens and 'let go' has been difficult to come to terms with but, life happens! Realise that you can control one thing - YOU. You have the power to change you and by taking positive steps, really trying, things improve. It isnt easy as it is frightening to honestly look at oneself but it is a worthwhile 'journey' (hate using the journey phrase but it is appropriate).

 

Only yesterday I posted something regarding an upcoming situation and because I am still learning and understanding, I do not yet have full clarity/confidence in the decision making ability. The fact it relates to my ex who I am working towards moving on from makes it difficult for me to not try to generate a certain outcome. In hindsight, I would have been very selfish - a trait so common in the person I was just a short time ago.

 

I hope that what I have written can provide some help and support. It takes courage to change and for me alcohol was my "saviour" - or so I believed. 'Cunning, baffling, powerful...'

 

I want to state that whilst I have found AA has been very beneficial for me, it is not the only option. But to be in the company of others who really understand and I can relate to is and continues to be of MASSIVE benefit.

 

Be kind to yourself, be patient, but try your best to show up and make a true effort for yourself. When I started on my recovery, I did it for the wrong reasons, for the ex... Sure, I would like to think we will have a shot in the future, but I am more excited and eager for the real me to continue to be revealed.

 

People will be much more accomodating and kind to you as you make positive changes (witnessing this all the time). My relationships with my family is better than it perhaps has ever been and sure there are times when I feel low, but Im human - who doesnt?? I do know that I dont need to drink to escape or numb anything.

 

Warmest wishes