kutekat100

My boyfriend I have been dating for over tow years and for the most everything has been wonderful. Recently we have been having a few problems to say the least. He was working shooting porn and it led to our break up but this only lasted three weeks over January. To cut a long story short he realised how much he loved me and I am him and we got back together. Incidentally the job fell through and he is now got a much better one! To cut a long story short, he has always been serious about me and before our initial break up he had said he wanted ot marry me eventually and move in together in about a year. This made me really happy as I have always wanted ot do these things with him. However we got back together and four weeks in I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately neither of us felt ready for a baby and I had a termination. Throughout this process we have said how much we love each other but I had also said some horrible things to him, just out of anger, frustration and feeling miserable about the whole thing. The week after the abortion he spent the Friday night with me. We had a arranged to go to dinner that Saturday night but in the morning he had got a call from his friends asking to go over for the night. He caused a big argument with me and told me he was going to his friends and he couldn't do this anymore and he didn't want to make plans with me anymore and just wanted to mess around with his friends. He says he's feeling crap, about the baby, about not having nay money, about not seeing his friends for the last few weeks and I don't help matter because I have money and always end up paying for everything. I was so confused. Juts four months ago he had said how much he wanted to marry me one day and live together soon enough and didn't want a casual relationship. He emphasised this even more when we got back together. He came round last night after spending Saturday night and Sunday with his mates and he said he was so sorry. He said he loved me very much and he didn't mean the things he had said. He had even said he only stayed with me this last week to make sure I had an abortion. He said he only said these things because he knew they were cruel and he wanted to upset me so that he could get away on Saturday and see his friends. I can sort of understand this as I always get a bit annoyed when he wants to go and see his mates, which I know is wrong, but stems from him always lying about seeing them which he says he has to do because otherwise I'll get mad! I don't know what to do. He says he wants us to work thing out and be happy together. He said he didn't mean the things he said about not making plans. But do I believe him? Does he still wnagt to marry me one day, could his feeling really have changed in less than four months or is he just frustrated confused and feeling overwhelmed? I mean we have both been exceptionally stressed, do you think he just needed to alsh out and then spend some time away from me. Should I bring up whether he still one day want to settle down with me, or should I just play casual for a while. I just want the old 'us' back and I know its there it's just got lost amongst all the trauma of the baby.

Oh yes, I see what you are saying, but I don't think relationships are as clear cut at that. Sometimes people make decisions that may not be in 'your plan' of how things should go, but surely as long as you trust in them and stick by them and know it is making them happy, then you create a better relationship. x

I have to say, as much as I am upset about the whole thing, I also think patience is a bit immature to say that six months is classified as a break up! I'm hurt by it, but lots of relationships come up against distance and I really appreciate what zimetra is saying. Plus we are only 26! Of course we are going to want to travel! I think I can understand his wanting to go with his friend, boys will be boys and all that! But lots of people face distance. I really thank you for making that clear in my head.

Thanks for all your comments. Snugglemuffin I ehar what you're saying and these thoughts are obviously going through my mind, but I think RayKay and Zimetra, your advice is very good. In the past i have believed negative things about our relationship rather than positive and thta has been so detrimental and came somewhat towards breaking us up. I really wnat to trust him on this an dhave faith and believe in us...it's just that leap of faith that I am having trouble with. I don't think he is the type to get back together with me if he didn't want to remain committed and create a better relationship than w ehad before. And I spoke to him on the phone and he says I surely don't know him that well, if i think he will be unfathful just because there are a few hot girls around. I guess this really is a test of our relationship. It just seems that evryone aorund me has really easy relationships with no tests!! But maybe thats just me thinking they do. I wonder has nayone else got stories of how they survived when their partner decided to travel? thanks! xxx

Thank you for all your comments. I understand what some of you are saying by he's basically having his cake and eating it! When we split I had been giving him a lot of grief and we had been arguing for at least two months, so something had to happen to stop it. He is very honest and wouldn't get back together with me unless he really meant it and was serious. So I don't doubt that he loves me. Obviously this sounds contradictory to me then saying I don't think he can remain faithful for six months…but I still believe even if you love someone, its very hard to do when you are seeing new places and having lots of new experiences. This is really my fault because I know if we hadn't argued for the last two months he would probably still want to go with me. I just wonder if over the next seven months, if we son;t argue at all, if maybe I can persuade him that it would still be lots of fun to do together. But perhaps that's just me having wishful thinking. I know that sounds like I'm putting my life on hold for him, but its really not like that. I think he had just been very hurt by the break up and the arguments…and perhaps if we have a glorious seven months together he may want to go with me still. But maybe its not that easy to change his mind…

My boyfriend of two years broke up with on new years eve after a series of rows that were just going round in circles. I was obviously so upset and so was he and we talked a bit on the phone but didn't see each other. Anyway, three and a half weeks later and we are back together! He said he loved me deeply, he was so so sorry and things had just got on top of him and he wants more than anything to work things out. So were are! Both however are being cautious and so far I have seen him twice and it feels weird, I guess we are both still hurt, but I know we truly love each other and with a couple of weeks it will all be okay. However he dropped the bombshell on me, that if we got back together I had to know that he is going travelling for five/six months in September. I was really hurt by this; we had talked a bit about going together but I have always known he wants to do it. I can understand why he wants to go, but I am so hurt that he does not want to go with me, even knowing that I want to go travelling too. He is going with his best mate. He says he does not want o go with me incase we have a huge argument I said I was okay, that I was going to do a bit of travelling as well and my flatmate wants to come, but I thought this would be three months max. Five/six months seems like a long time to be apart. He says he will remain faithful but I am really not sure how easy this is to do when you are travelling, especially with another single guy. For our whole relationship he has said he can't bear to be apart from me for longer than three days and we have always seen each other a fair amount and it's always him that is the first to say he misses me. So I am confused as to how he thinks it will be so easy to go for six months without seeing me, especially when I am willing to come. I'm not sure what to do. As a compromise I suggested whilst I am also travelling with my flatmate, we meet up in Australia for five to six weeks and he said that sounded like an amazing idea. So it still leaves me wondering why he doesn't want to do more of it with me/ how he thinks we will survive for those six months etc etc. Any input/similar stories would be great.

Been having a few problems with my boyfriend if you see previous posts, about him now filming porn. We have almost got over this problem although there has been constant horrible fighting for the last month. We are both tired and drained by the fighting. However we have always said throughout how much we love each other. There have been a few times when he's said he's not making me happy and he can't be bothered anymore but then will say he loves me so much and wants us to work out so badly. We have both been saying these things. Before he got the job we had been getting on so amazingly and he said he wanted to marry me one day and he couldn't bare to go three days without seeing me. However over this period of fighting he has also moved into a house with tow other 'bachelors' We are still fighting a bit but are getting back on track and he says he would like us to live together in about a year and a half. However after yet another argument last night he has now said to me that he misses me a lot but he wishes that we could do things separately, and go out separately and that I would be okay with this. He says he still wants to do lots of stuff together as well but wants to be with his friends too. Of course I understand him wanting to be with his friends and this last week I haven't seen him at all and he has been with his friends every night. So I now wonder, have his feelings changed. Is he trying to let me down gently? It seems he has gone from wanting to spending nearly every day with me and getting married one day to now wanting to do lots of thing separately. He has never really been like this before? Could it be because he has moved ion with single boys, or because of all the fighting? I am worried about why the sudden change. I love him so much and I don't know what to do. It sounds petty now I have written it down, but it hurts that before he got his house he would spend a lot of time with me and now suddenly he just wants to be with his friends, yet he maintains that he loves me.

Thank you for all the advice. I am not insescure in the sense that I worry I'm not hot enough for him. I'm a model so it's not really a look thing. It's more an attutude thing. these girls sell sex, and do whatever the man that phones/texts wants them to do. This scares me. maybe he'll come home and think I'm boring, not adventurous, that they are much more interesting than me. I worry that his friends will be cheering him for getting this job and trying to get him to get phone numbers and go out for drinks with them. To me, it's quite a seedy job and the man I fell in love with used to have integrity and believed in what he wnated to do (not this) I feel like he is selling out for cash, and fundamentally he is. He says to me that you love someone for who they are and not what their job is. But I feel it does matter. the choices you make partly define the person you are and I think mroe than anything I ma worried aboutt he person he will become. Of course there is now nothing I can do, he starts the job today and e mailed me to tell him he hopes I support him and can be there as his safe haven when he comes home. Out of curiosity I aske dif he would mind if I stripped and he said he would and that it's totally different. Personally I don't see how and feel he is being slightly hypocritical. Thank you you all for the advice. x

I'm having a really hard time with my boyfriend. We have been dating for ages and are very much in love and over these last few months have really grown to trust and understand each other and get even closer. And we are so serious about each other. He works as a freelance cameraman so work is few and far between. He's had a couple of good jobs but not enough to keep paying rent and he is moving to a new house in this month so needs steady work. He went for a job last week and it turns out that it is filming for television x, live chat shows in which girls sit there, strip off and then men text in and say what they want the girls to do. He is filming this three nights a week and doesn't see why I am having a hard time with it. I was so angry he said yes to it. He's planning on doing it for at least six months. Basically he is filming porn and I don't know what to do. I got really mad and this annoyed him. But I'm worried. The girls will be attractive, have the usual big breast tiny waists, acting all sexy and probably on loads of drugs in order to do these things. And it feels weird my boyfriend being there filming it. I mean it's obvious, regardless of whether he wants to, he will get turned on by naked girls stripping in front of him. From going to talking about forever we are both now not sure If our relationship has a future. Any advice

Oh standtall please don't take what is aid the worng way. it wasn't meant to anger you. I am merely saying that it is probably a good thing thta you have split as things that are so rushed over a four month period, lust can often been confused with love. Perhaps instead of clinging if you had pulled away too, she may have been more interested. The best relationships work when you have your own lives too and you don't need each other, but you want each other. From your p.o.v of course it must have been extremely hurtful and frustrating when she pulled away, but perhaps she just thought things were rushing too fast. And she probably was just genuinely very busy at work. In relationships you have to look at things from the other person's eyes, and not all people react, act in the same way.

You sound very clingy and needy and I am glad to hear you guys have broken up. You ahve only been going out for four months, yet already you have taken lots of trips together and were planning a cruise, yet you say she was going away for 2 - 3 weeks at a time! You can barely have had the time to get to know each other. I think the best thing is to work on yourself and figure out your own identity before getting into a relationship. good luck.

To me this sounds like a really worrying relationship. You have only been together for 9 months, that's really not that long to move in with someone, especially with all these problems you are having. A safe, secure, loving relationship does not have arguments like this every week. I know how you feel, I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and really wanted to move in with him, but he says we are not ready yet, that we should give it another year. I am having trouble accepting it but deep down I know he is right. Why do you feel the need to live with her, to be in each others pockets day in day out? You have other friends and hobbies right? You both do stuff separately? Because if not, that is bad in itself as well. Relationships are about growing a trust and bond that you do not have with other people. If you have that with her then she will not go off and get involved with someone else. Just because you don't live together doesn't mean she will go off with some one else. And if you think that way, then you cannot be in the best relationship. Let her go, enjoy being apart and dating, enjoy making plans for 13 months down the line. If you are so sure this is the relationship that will last forever, why does it matter to wait 13 months to live together?

So everything has been going pretty okay with my boyfriend. I am still hung up on his past and his ex, and I have found out he lied to me a couple of times, but only about silly little things that I have probably made more of a big deal about than I should have. I guess that means I lack confidence and feel threatened by his past, which I do. I wish I knew how to stop that, anyone have any ideas?? However, now what is playing on my mind is probably something stupid and little but I can't get it out of my head now and the more I think about it the more it upsets me. The other day we were talking and he said he had been really depressed and upset when he broke up with his ex. (this was a long time ago, we have been going out for two years now) But apparently he was devastated and couldn't stop crying and didn't want to even look at another girl. Now I know this obviously happened way before we met but this has really upset me and made me paranoid. Was he so upset because she was the one? Does he think that he lost his true love? Would he be that upset if we broke up? I'm worried that he wouldn't, that maybe he doesn't feel the same love for me, I just feel like I am constantly trying to compete with her and it's tiring me out and I don't want to feel like this anymore. Anyone have any tips, suggestions? Thank you.

Oh no, I have to disagree, I certainly don't want to be with my boyfriend all the time. When you love someone, true love, you don't need to be with each other all of the time. You would have nothing to talk about, no one to miss, no way of realising how special that person is. My main problem at the moment is wondering why i get mad and jealous when my boyfriend spends time with his friends. I want him to spend time with them, I just get jealous, and worried he is chatting up other women. It sounds daft but i wish there was a sure fire way to stop these feelings...

My boyfriend and I got back from a fantastic holiday two weeks ago and things were going amazingly well. Then we had a big argument the week we got back and I phoned one of his friends to see where he was and he said he hadn't seen him since last Monday. The day after we got back. That day my boyfriend had borrowed money off me for petrol and said he was going home. It turns out he didn't go home he went into the country to see his mates. When I spoke to him the next day he told me had been at his grandma's all night. I was so mad. One because I had paid for the holiday as he ahs no money and is going to pay me back later. Two because he took petrol money off me that he said he was using to see hid grandma. Three when I asked him why he had lied he gave the answer that he didn't want to hurt me, that he knew it was wrong, that he wanted to escape. I said, escape from what, we just had a great holiday. He couldn't answer. I asked him if that was the whole truth and it seems weird that he didn't just tell me when I asked where he was. He said it was the whole truth and he wouldn't lie again. I later found out that his ex's friend was there with his girlfriend. Now I'm paranoid his ex was there as well. I asked him and he yelled no. But would he tell the truth anyway. I get angry when he goes and see his friends which is something I an trying to control but I think I am in my rights to be cross about this because we had just been away, he lied and he took money off me. So my questions are, how will I ever know if his ex was there. How do I get past this and not keep bringing up? How do I know he doesn't lie all the time? How do I start to not be angry when he sees his friends, when he has fun without me, when he goes off with them and doesn't call and seems to be having a much better time without me.