ShySoul

While there are women who take advantage of men and men who fall for it, I'm thinking there might be a missing category for men and women. Isn't it possible for men to contribute not because they hope to get anything from the woman, but because they want to to support her business venture? It's all for fantasy, so they'll indulge in it and in return help her out., But they aren't hoping for more. Likewise, for some women they could very well be doing it because they enjoy it and actually treat their fans very well. Apparently simp shaming is also a thing and the term gets thrown around even when it's not called for. Really comes down to the individual.

If I may join philosophy corner, I believe the male does revel in the helping. He is slaying the beasts that have tormented her for so long. He is helping to bring her up into the light where she belongs, giving her a chance to shine. I prefer to see it as a mutual rescue though. The classic fairy tale is the knight saves the princess. But I think the real romance comes when the princess does just as much of the saving. Two people hurt, lost, broken. Each find solace and comfort in the other, each able to see something special in the other. They relate and understand each other and can fight their battles together, stronger as a team. That's just the naive sop... uh, I mean deep romantic in me. 😁 Apparently there are simpettes (thank you urban dictionary). And I'm sure there are plenty of males making OnlyFans/Twitch/wherever content out there. But we're more used to the idea of women being valued for their looks, so it's still more prevalent for women to do that and men to be the ones viewing.

People are going to think whatever they want to think, regardless of what you say or do. All you can do is do your job to the best of your ability and treat people with respect and kindness. If people want to make assumptions, it's on them and not much you can do to change their mind. So don't worry about it. If the guy is struggling with mental health, then he is probably looking to any friend he might have. By talking with him and listening, you've become the one he feels comfortable with. In his mind you are close so contactng a friend on Facebook isn't out of the ordinary. Neither is engaging in playful banter. It may be flirting, in which case it would probably be easier for him online. Or it may just be that he feels safe and comfortable with you so thinks he can message you and joke around. If he does something that makes you uncomfortable, then he needs to know. Say nothing and he'll keep doing it. That will make you feel bad. Try to ignore him, and he'll wonder what happened which would be bad for him. So just be honest with him. Decide what level of friendship you are okay with and what crosses boundaries you don't want crossed.

Maria, I'm sorry this happened to you. It is in no way normal and you were not to blame at all. No decent man would have done such a thing or tried to cover it up and throw it back on you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad people out there and you have to be on guard at all times. You are a strong woman. You are a survivor and a fighter. I hope you'll continue to get whatever help you need and will come out of all of this even stronger.

Last time I looked for work I interviewed with a company that give me similar feelings. The manager interviewing me tried to find fault with everything on the resume, including insulting my education history. He found time to express fustration and annoyance with the people working under him. He mentioned a turnover issue and problems he had inherited. I fended off his questions and even managed to silence his criticisms by my answers. But the second I had left the office I knew I was never taking the job no matter what the offer. If a company is already showing you disrespect in the interview, that doesn't bode well for how they will treat you going forward. The interview is supposed to be about putting your best foot forward. Remember, its not just them interviewing you, it's you interviewing them to see if this is the right fit for you. Already you are being asked inapproriate questions and being pressured into accepting their wishes. If people don't want to stay around for more then a year, that is probably an indication that they don't enjoy working there. Either that or there is little room for advancement, which is another problem. From the sound of things, the issues in the company are systemic and there might be little you actually could do to change it. We spend as much time with coworkers as we do with family. We should enjoy going into work. If you are already dreading the experience before you start, that might be a sign it's not the right place for you. If you can afford to hold out for something else, I'd recommend that.

Most of the time you don't need to read into signals. People are actually amazingly transparent and usually tell you everything you need to know. She does like you. She feels safe with you. She feels close to you not just physcially (kissing, cuddling, etc.) but also emotionally. However, at this time she doesn't want something formal as she wants to focus on other things. The question isn't what does she want, it's what do you want? Are you okay with this current arrangement? Or do you need something more official? That's something you have to decide for yourself. You need to do what is right for your heart and your well being. Once you decide that, then talk to her about it. Clarify both of your feelings and what is and is not acceptable actions for whatever kind of relationship the two of you decide on.

Did you enjoy traveling and playing your instrument? Then you did have fun. Fun can mean different things to different people. Some people have fun at bars and clubs. Some people have fun visiting new places. And some have fun staying in with a good book. As long as you enjoy what you do, then you are having the right kind of fun for you. As someone who did not go to parties or have a girlfriend in my youth, I can say its not wasted time. You said so yourself... You were bettering yourself. That will be more valuable then any party you could have gone to. The experiences you had, the skills you picked up, that's laying a foundation for figuring out what you will do with your life. It is helping you build your future. And socially, it gives you something to talk about. Use those experiences. Was there something you found yourself really loving? Find a group for it. If you like music, find others into the same kind you are. Go to local shows. See if maybe people would like to go with you, having a group meetup. Volunteer. People are around us everyday, talk to them. You've made friends before without needing a pub, you don't have to rely on them now. Just find something you enjoy doing and do it. Odds are there will be plenty of people interested in the same thing.

A weak person would not have faced their alcohol problem and stayed sober for so long. They would have kept turning to the bottle and drank their life away. A weak person would not have kept working for five years. A weak person would not have overcome their fears. You are far from weak. You are very strong. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Everyday can bring new hardships and struggles. Old wounds can still hurt for what feels like forever. I often feel tired and hopeless. I question if I'll be loved and understood for who I am. Sadly, a lot of people feel that way. You're not alone in your feelings. Focus on your positives, your accomplishments. Find the things that spark joy within you. Even in the darkest moments, there are things we can hold onto that shines light into our life. Find those lights. And try to be that light for yourself, believing that you are an awesome person, just as you are.

You are not a bad girl. You are not wrong. You are not responsible for his behavior. This is his doing, he is the one at fault. No one should be treated that way. And your family should be supporting you and putting a stop to it. Please seek help. As Jaunty said, if you are in school, go to a counselor/nurse/teacher, anyone who can help you. If you are an adult, there are phone numbers you can call. You don't deserve this. Hope you can find a way out. You are strong and can do it

In case Becky ever comes back to read this: From a male perspective, I wouldn't buy a ring unless I was sure what the answer would be and sure this was the person I wanted to buy it for. I wouldn't care how long the engagement was, or even if she said yes right away. I'd want her to take all the time she needed to be ready. I've already waited quite a long time, what's a bit more time in comparison to the rest of our lives together? Hopefully this guy has been just as understanding and that you've done what is right for you. Hope the relationship is going well, no matter what stage you've decided to leave things in.

If there is family in the area, make it a two for one trip. It probably isn't a safe or wise idea to stay with someone you barely know and have never met in person. Unless you've been speaking to him for an extended period and feel you absolutely trust him, which doesn't sound like the case. Family gives you a built in escape plan if you need a break or something feels off. Its something anyone should be able to understand and be ok with. Ultimately, go with your instincts. As long as you stay safe, why not see how things go? But if you start to feel uncomfortable or just aren't feeling it, its fine to not pursue. Remember, this is supposed to be fun and make you happy. So go with what you think will make you happiest.

If there is something I like other then sad songs, it tends to be songs from sassy, take no nonsense women. I wonder what that says about me. 😁 Speaking of which, and since you two have me going back through Mariah songs, here's an oldie that still gets me moving. Though I have no idea why I related to this song as a seven year old that didn't have experience with unrequited love either.

I think it comes down to motivation. I'm a guy that is naturally on the sensitive side. I don't like seeing anyone hurt. I've always related better with women and been closer to them. Plus I was close to my mother growing up and know the things that she had to go through. So my instinct is generally to protect and help women. That's not to say they can't help themselves or that I'm trying to be the knight in shining armor. I have called out a woman for unhealthy behavior. I think for some people it's just a genuine desire to help a person who is hurting. Likewise, there will be men that do allow themsevles to be taken advantage of. They may lack self confidence. Their motivation might be appear the hero to get that boost of confidence and approval. Maybe they are more concerned with appearing like the strong male protector. I think they are more likely to fall prey to women using them. On the female side, it's the same. There will be women who genuinely appreciate a man who is willing to come to their aid when they need help. There will be women who try to manipulate men for their own benefit. There will be women who refuse any help from a man, thinking that makes them look weak. There are all kinds of women, each with their own motivations. Every combination happens, it all depends on the people involved. I like to think that in general, like attracts like. More toxic people who like to create drama will more often find themselves with other toxic people, creating the drama they both crave. The rescurer types will eventually find another rescuerer and they will mutually help each other. People will probably have to go through a relationship or two with their opposing kind, but in the end the universe has a way of balancing everything out.

My parents divorced after being together for 25 years. They essentially raised three boys - their child (me) and her two sons from prior relationships. They had been through a lot as well. Outside observers probably couldn't see all the problems that were there. But there were problems, believe me. And I think both my parents knew that, they just managed to avoid dealing with it for a long time. But at some point it gets to be too much. My mother was the one who saw she had to do something different. It wasn't pretty and all parties could have handled it better. But in the long run, it was better for them. As blindsided as you might feel by this, things haven't been well for some time. Sounds like you both avoided the topic. She shut down on being intimate or physical. You buried yourself in work. It masked the real feelings underneath. But again, it got to be too much. Things were bound to come out eventually. The question know is how do you both choose to deal with it? For your sake, and especially for your children's, please try to be mature and respectful. I can say from experience, that it's not good when people aren't. Acting out of pain, anger, and fear only creates more problems. It's okay to have all those feelings. It's okay to be hurting and confused. But you can't let those emotions control you. If you need to, take time to be alone and calm down. Then try to go over things peacefully. Figure out what you want and what you can handle. And yes, explore legal options as well. Right now everything is fresh and you're probably.feeling a lot of different things. Don't rush in any direction and do something you might regret. Take time to sort things out for yourself. And know that we want the best for you. I'm sorry you have to go through this at all.

Do you still see any way you could be with her, knowing everything you currently know? If you can, then try the counseling. Professional help would probably be able to help both of you understand and address the feelings the two of you are going through right now. It would probably be able to bring to light issues that the two of you might not be seeing. And even if things don't work out, it might be good to help you process everything. If you do go through with it, be clear that BOTH of you are going to need to approach it with full honesty and openness for there to be the hope of improving your situation. This is a personal choice though. The only one that can decide what is best for you, is you. If you decide you can't accept what she's done, then there is no shame in ending things. I understand that you are hurting and angry. I get that there must be a rage building up in you and that you probably want to scream and punch something (well, someone). But is violence really going to solve anything? Beyond that momentary sense of relief, does it make the situation better? She will still have cheated and you will still be faced with trying to figure out what happened. She will be more likely to defend him, using your actions as justification for hers and turning things back on you. He will get to play the role of victim, claiming you are a brute who just attacked him. He could claim that's why your wife didn't want to be with you. Even if it's all nonsense, you'd just be giving them material they can use against you. And sadly, a lot of people are likely to buy it. Even removing them from this, is that the kind of role model you want to be for the children? Teach them that violence is the way to work out there problems? That ego and proving your manhood is how to get satisfaction? Plus, who says he got aways with it? Do we know what his wife and children thought of all this? His wife might be asking him questions now and he might be having to answer to her.