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itsallgrand

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itsallgrand last won the day on October 30 2020

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  1. This is my favorite of sleep stories. It's the only thing that works sometimes. Might be something else for you but may as well share it in case. I strongly agree with the sleep hygiene your doc suggested. Also, I have a whole ritual I've honed over the years. I have big fluffy white down duvets, a special spray for the bed, special herbal teas (chamomile and sleepytime are my faves) for at night, and a stack of relaxing not hard on the brain books πŸ™‚ Treat yourself extra nicely, and hope things gets less stressful soon.
  2. This will do it. In my 20s and somewhat in my early 30s, I was sleep deprived a lot. Going without sleep can do some crazy things to our bodies and brains. One sleep doesn't mend that level of sleep exhaustion either, even a 14 hour one. It's going to take getting some regular good sleep before you will fully recoup. I find it's super common on North America for so many people, even professionals, to underlay the effects of sleep deprivation. We are all working so hard to try and succeed, etc. I hope you get some good steady sleep coming up.
  3. This is very common when people marry to escape an existing situation, especially if they do so young. You did not have your chance to feel safe enough to be on your own and grow on your own. You grabbed onto what lifeboat you could find at that time. And then slowly start to resent the person, even if you feel badly that you do have those feelings. What you did wasn't coming from a place of someone who has grown enough to be assertive about her needs and wants in life. It is more desperate flailing, trying to escape an existing situation by grabbing onto someone again. Whether you stay or you go, that will follow you around forever if you don't address it. And it has to do with how you aren't able to lean and trust in yourself enough to do what you need to on your own. I hope you don't self destruct.
  4. You won't like my advice probably. I think you should jump right in to online dating. Why? To get experience meeting men, having the banter, seeing what is out there. It's low risk to meet for a coffee! I honestly learned a lot about myself by forcing myself to take a super proactive approach to dating. I went on so many meets and dates through online, and yes, most weren't even close to a fit but I gained a tonne of perspective and imo learned to get a lot better at showing openess and grace in that area of my life. It's like anything else, you can gain skills and get better at it! That aside, I agree with kwothe that socially progressive orientated activities can be limiting, especially when combined with a guard up already. I'm not saying not to pursue what you care about. But maybe consider trying to put yourself in situations where you are having a blast as often as serious ones because imo that is catnip lol. I've met most of the people who became someone special to me in scenarios like this. And even my SO says he knew he was in love with me the day we first went swimming at a lake together. He saw my truly carefree and relaxed side for the first time, because in water and nature is my happy place. What makes you really happy?
  5. I can guarantee your husband loves your fire. He just wants it in check. And I relate to that. I've had to work very hard over the years to get my more emotional reactive side under control. I was still figuring it out at your age, you aren't alone with that. I'm still firey to an extent, but it much more in my control now, so it isn't causing issues. But my spirit has always been a bit scrappy. Some people appreciate it, like my SO. But same as your situation, not when it's destructive. And that's totally fair. You are self aware and you will figure out your way ❀️
  6. Yes! And that this approach from women is linked to hotness or beauty. It has nothing to do with that at all. It's just a toxic way to approach it all around. When I was in my 20s I had a friend who was preoccupied with her looks, other people's looks, her perception of how men reacted to her looks to a great extent. She'd make comments all the time about other women's looks, she'd do it to me sometimes too, "oh you are so lucky bc xyz" " oh all the guys see you first because x". She was pretty, but in her mind she was hotness personified. And she took everything through that perception, to the point of driving some guys away. But if you asked her, they were just intimidated. She'd say things like "all the pretty girls use x moisturizer". And that meant, if you didn't use that moisturizer, you wouldn't be pretty. This lady is selling the same kind of appeal to insecurities of people to push an idea/viewpoint/concept as fact. But it's not a fact that hot women are all like this. Not being drawn to insecurity doesn't mean you aren't pretty. Choosing to see men as some block of moral free clods doesn't make you pretty. It simply means these particular women are overly focused on what their looks can get them and so they see things through that mode of thinking. In other words, she's created a problem that doesn't exist to give a solution. Are you pretty enough to have this problem? Lol.
  7. I don't find her argument very solid. I think some people due to a combination of personality traits/values/etc. have a tendency to take more stock in looks and filter things more through that lense. I think a lot girls and women, stunners and more regular , have the experiences especially young of coming across boorish men hustling hard at you. It's offered up on a plate early and if you don't have a sense of self or you already lean towards viewing men and women in transactional ways, you are more likely to get sucked into thinking that's the way things work end of and better use your beauty as your main asset. And how beautiful or hot you are is actually irrelevant from my observations on whether you take this turn or choose to see men and women in a more balanced way.
  8. Years and years ago I saw his "30 days:minimum wage" and I was permanently put off by the man and his "work". It left such a bad taste in my mouth. Him and his partner could not have been more out of touch with the realities people who are not born to money live in. It was like a gross play at being poor for kicks, so detached! Bit of tangent there but it's all I can think of when he is mentioned ever since.
  9. You sound a bit obsessed, to be honest. She's not interested. You need to stop with this before it results in you finding yourself in trouble. Keep in this delusion and someone is going to snap you out of it for you. And it will suck, it won't be with her holding you tight and telling you you are everything she's ever wanted.
  10. Oh I'm so sorry. I hope you can enjoy the next few days and the little one is doing better. Not going to lie, it's kinda harsh that she was fine with everything being paid for but didn't jump in at any point to help. It'd be one thing if you planned the trip together and she was paying her way to chill with you all. But i can imagine that adding to the pressure for sure. I get irritated if we go on a trip or camp and someone decides to just lump it while others work! It'd be ten fold if I had a sick baby, I mean, that's just common courtesy. And working together is how you form those bonds, even if it isn't your favorite person...she opted out on that and it really sucks. Now go enjoy. Cuddle that family and pick your flowers πŸ™‚
  11. You aren't a diva you are a mom lol. We had lots of camping trips and such without mom, so she could drink a beer in the backyard without us for a weekend, I assume 😁 Maybe sis will help or is that a hard no?
  12. Yay Happy Vic Day! Relaxing working on my yard and BBQing πŸ˜ƒ
  13. I agree with the others. This doesn't pass the sniff test.
  14. My honest reaction? Hell no. Get the f out of here with bruising and hands around the throat etc. Not cool! People can like whatever they like consensually but this dude is an oaf and he's not paying attention to the other person in the room YOU. I don't like to hear that you are worried about him getting bored or fed up. It makes me worried for you that you are putting too much focus on pleasing him.
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