Hi Victoria,
Just got the time to read your journal. I remember when I thought my younger autistic son could someday be ok. Then finally, at some point I realized I had been in denial all those years. So sorry you are having a hard time. You, Fudgie, and I all understand what it is like to lose someone while they still breathe. No way to explain to anyone, just no way.
Hopefully your son will qualify for disability support. Mine has been getting a monthly check for seven years now. His disability is classified as one not expected to improve. He has low IQ, autism, and schizophrenia. But the rules here say even so, he will still be reviewed every seven years. People who are likely to improve are done every three years. My son's psychiatrist is really the only one they have to ask, and he will support us all the way. I am still feeling uneasy during the process. The doctor has mailed the records, and I did my papers. Oh, what fun! It wouldn't have been quite as bad if they hadn't made me do that in March and then again in October. Apparently they just threw my first one in the trash.
Keep hanging in there, you are doing fine.