It def. leaves you with a sense of confusion when someone close to you knows this happened and yet does nothing about it. I tell people I never actually ASKED my mom to choose between him and me because I've always been the strong one in the family, the one who puts others feelings in front of her own. I witnessed the abuse my mom was put through when my dad was physically violent to her and I justified never pushing her more with that. Aside from what he did to me, he was good to my mom, and after what she had been through with my dad, I didn't want her to loose that. But years and years of therapy showed me that the fact is, she should have put my feelings before her own. She asked me one time, years ago (my ex was in basic training so probably 2006-07) for details. I gave her vague outlines but I apparently ended up saying something that I only could have known if it had happened. And she still didn't leave him.
I have very little contact with him now but he still does play a part in my life as my mom is still married to him. I'm not sure what I will do when he dies. I healed by disassociating myself with the events. I can remember every detail but theres really no emotion when I think about it and therefore there is no emotion when I think/look at him. It's a very weird thing. I know I won't go to the funeral but there is more because I couldn't hide my joy at him finally being out of my life and my mom will be grieving. And there I go again, right?
I def. think we survivors should talk about it. As Vic said, if we don't, it just remains silent. I think it's deplorable what they are trying to do to you. It's just like attacking you all over again.