Understanding and Finding Resolution After an Affair

People are complex; relationships are complex; affairs of the heart can be the most complex of all. Whether the affair was on-going or just a one-time lapse in judgment, it can be incredibly embarrassing and hurtful to a person’s sense of self and their relationship. Understanding affairs of the heart and reconciling them can seem nigh impossible, but even if it seems like you're dealing with something impenetrable, there is hope. It's possible to find resolution after an affair.

The urge to have an affair could come from a variety of places, including feelings of insecurity or loneliness, high stress levels, a need for validation, or a decrease in the feeling of being appreciated. An affair can change the course of a relationship forever. Both members of a couple may feel devastated; betrayed by one’s partner and distrustful of the relationship itself. But at the same time, it's important to not jump to conclusions and make assumptions as to why the affair happened. Without compassionate self-reflection, both parties can end up feeling more isolated and misunderstood.

An affair can bring up a wealth of emotions in us, some of which might be uncomfortable. We may feel shame and guilt, anger and hurt, embarrassment, sorrow, and frustration. With any intense emotion comes the risk of acting out those feelings in destructive ways. It is essential to take responsibility for our own behaviour and express our emotions in healthier ways.

One way to better understand and reconcile an affair is to talk openly and honestly with your partner. Developing strong communication skills can be difficult, but an effective way to do it is to be as specific as possible. In order to avoid misunderstandings, ask yourself if you’re being clear, open and nonjudgemental about your feelings. If not, take a step back and practice some self-awareness. It’s important to realize we may not have everything figured out either so carving out space for the other person to communicate their feelings without fear of judgement can help both of you gain insight.

It’s also important to recognize that an affair could be part of a bigger picture. Looking at your relationship as a two-way street and thinking critically as to how you and your partner can work together to improve the relationship would be beneficial. every relationship is unique; it's up to the two people within it to figure out what constitutes success and happiness in their partnership.

Affairs may be painful, but they don't always mean the end of things. It’s possible to create trust and intimacy within your relationship and come out of the experience wiser, if both partners are truly invested in finding resolution. Letting go of anger and distrust is a tall order, but it is possible. After an affair, seek out counseling, spiritual guidance or other sources of support. Resolve not to repeat the same behavior and invest in positive steps for the relationship going forward.

Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes in affairs of the heart. This is life. But with care and effort, it is possible to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships, regardless of the past. Understanding and finding resolution after an affair can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of your relationship, of yourself and of what really matters.