How to Navigate a Changing Relationship Between My Partner and Best Friend

Dear eNotAlone: My best friend and my romantic partner have gotten really close recently, and it's making me nervous. I know that it's perfectly normal and healthy for two people to be friends as well as lovers, but I'm starting to feel a bit like a third wheel, or like I'm not necessary in their relationship anymore. We used to do everything together, but now it's just them, and I'm feeling a little bit lonely. What should I do?

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It's natural for partners to form a bond with each other and for us to experience bouts of jealousy. This is especially true when someone's best friend and significant other have become close.

First and foremost, you must recognize your feelings, acknowledge them, and accept them. Doing this will help you gain some perspective and distance from the emotions. You can even verbalize these feelings to your partner and best friend. This will show that you care about the time and energy each of you puts into the relationship, and will also make sure there is no confusion about where you stand.

Moreover, it's important to recognize that you are still a vital part of your partner's life, and of your friend's life, too. Talk to them both, make plans, and ensure you all make time for one another. Consider finding ways to incorporate all three of you into more activities, since this will make everyone feel included. Malleable relationships take different shapes, and yours is apparently morphing. That's okay– it doesn't mean it's any less meaningful.

In addition, being mindful of how much time you spend with each other could be helpful. Relationship satisfaction is contingent upon balance. Unfortunately, we don't always have control over another person. But we always have control over ourselves, our decisions, and our interactions. If you ever need a break, that's okay! Taking time for yourself is an asset.

Although it can be hard to avoid comparisons, do your best to focus on the unique and beneficial aspects of each special relationship in your life. Understand that having multiple meaningful relationships at once is totally possible, and your worth is not dependent upon competing for attention.