Overcoming the Fixing Fixation: Embracing Vulnerability and Accepting Reality

In today's fast-paced and achievement-oriented society, it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to control everything in our lives. We're constantly bombarded with messages that tell us we can be whoever we want to be, have whatever we want, and achieve anything we set our minds to. While there's nothing inherently wrong with ambition and goal-setting, our fixation on fixing and controlling everything can lead to anxiety, stress, and burnout.

The truth is, there are many things in life that are outside of our control. We can't control the weather, other people's behavior, or the outcome of every situation we find ourselves in. And yet, we often expend a lot of energy and mental space trying to do just that. We try to fix our relationships, fix our finances, fix our health, fix our career, and fix everything in between. In the process, we may end up feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and even helpless.

But what if we were to accept our limitations and embrace vulnerability instead? What if we were to acknowledge that we can't control everything and that sometimes the most we can do is to simply show up as loving, grounded people with good boundaries? What if we were to recognize that being helpful doesn't always mean fixing everything?

To overcome the fixing fixation, we need to first accept that we are helpless to control things. This doesn't mean we're powerless or that we should give up on our goals and aspirations. It simply means that we need to recognize what we cannot do in order to free ourselves to do what we can. Instead of trying to control everything, we can focus on what's within our power to change and improve.

Secondly, we need to embrace unrest. This means being willing to sit with discomfort, uncertainty, and even pain. Instead of trying to fix everything, we can learn to tolerate the discomfort and find ways to cope with it. This might involve practicing mindfulness, meditation, or other relaxation techniques. It might also mean seeking support from others, whether it's through therapy, support groups, or simply talking to a trusted friend.

Thirdly, we need to accept that we are helpless over the outcome. While we can influence the course of events to some extent, we can't control everything. Sometimes things don't go according to plan, and that's okay. We can learn to let go of our need for control and accept that sometimes things will work out differently than we hoped.

Finally, we need to harness vulnerability to come to terms with reality. This means being willing to be open and honest about our struggles, fears, and limitations. When we're vulnerable, we allow others to see us as we truly are, and we create the possibility for deeper connections and understanding. By embracing vulnerability, we can learn to accept ourselves and others for who we are, imperfections and all.

The fixing fixation can be a challenging mindset to overcome, but it's essential for our mental and emotional well-being. By accepting our limitations, embracing unrest, accepting our helplessness over the outcome, and harnessing vulnerability, we can come to terms with reality and live more fulfilling lives. Instead of trying to fix everything, we can focus on being loving, grounded people with good boundaries, and trust that things will work out as they're meant to.