Finding Strength in Numbers

Living a life without having lost your virginity at the age of thirty can be an incredibly daunting situation. It is hard to find people to empathize with because it is not a typical circumstance — most of us know someone who has experienced physical intimacy or are familiar with the journey. But there is still a deep-rooted stigma that comes along with being a thirty-year-old virgin. Too often, those dealing with the unique experience are met with judgment and condescension, even if they are completely comfortable with the path they have chosen. So how do we, who have endured such ridicule, succeed in breaking the stigma?

The first step to shattering the shame associated with a thirty-year-old virginity is to remember that you are far from alone. An abundance of others are also struggling with being a late bloomer, just like you. Accountability groups, online forums, and virtual support networks can provide much needed friendship and understanding for those navigating these waters. Not only can you relate to what others are going through, but you can also gain an education about the topic that may have been left out of our school curriculums. Having an online presence to address certain topics can be incredibly empowering. In the meantime, there are plenty of resources and stories available online from other virgin adults that can help give you strength, courage, and understanding. No matter how strange it may feel, you are part of a larger community who understand your struggles and joys alike.

In addition to finding strength in numbers, another great way to break the stigma is by recognizing that donning the label of “virgin” does not need to be a source of shame. While it is undeniably not as common as its peers, it is important to welcome the status and to perceive it as a positive and individual feature of sophistication. Mastering the ability to remain single in a world filled with romantic pressures and expectations isn’t easy; it takes strength and willpower, so it is important to recognize this and own it. Allowing yourself to be proud of the decision to remain a virgin is a great advocate for understanding, both self-respect and respect for others sharing the same unique life experience.

It is undeniable that there have been many stigmas and barriers placed on those who have yet to lose their virginity. It can be extremely difficult to come to terms with a situation that is faced with so much judgement and misconception, especially when it feels like everyone else is in a different boat. But it is essential to remember that you are part of a much bigger group, that sometimes being late to certain experiences is simply part of the process, and that valuing the wait is the best way to cherish the eventual experience. With understanding, respect and appreciation for ourselves and others we can, together, break the stigma of thirty-year-old virgins and embrace the journey.