calling off a "no label" relationship

I'm in a unique situation that i have not seen any of my friends in and i'm not sure how to deal with it.

I was not planning on writing a whole essay here but i felt like there were a few significant things that i may have overlooked but may b u guys can pick on em as essential cues and guide me thru it. i desperately need some help understanding this guy and wat to do from this point in our relationship. just for the sake of reference both my partner and i are in our late 20's.

I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. From the very start we both knew it was not guna last because I have to leave the country after a couple of months to continue my education. We both were fine with it, as"no label" and had loads of fun and great time. He wud pick me up after work, and take me to his place where we'd chill and hang out. I was more into prioritizing sex than he was, until he verbally said he doesn't want me to believe that he wants me for sex cuz sex comes with the rest of the package and that is not his first priority in this case. First two months were fantastic and then we started having some problems. I started seeing this other side of him where he was being flirty with girls we used to hang out with. I raised the concern and he told him that is who he's been ...its his nature etc. At that time i felt he was being considerate of my thoughts and feelings because he said if u want i will stop talking to that girl. ofcourse I said no. but anyhow that simmered down but that day wen we had that conversation he brought up a few things that i had no idea he was thinking. He said he wanted to be open about us cuz everything else is like an open book in his life. that he shud b able to hold me, hug me kiss me wenever he liked. there was this one point where he mentioned me as his "gf" to his cousin, and i (unknowingly) said something infront of his cousin that meant something like i'm not his gf, we r just casual.

Anyhow after that talk i started thinking he thinks of me more than just "casual/no-label".there were times wen he wud blurt out "i love u too" (i never said i love u...he'd b horsing around and say this in reply to a question i'd ask, but he'd say it under his breath). its just not one incident he used the L-word for me....it happened a few times and everytime i said "dont say it if u dont mean it". there was this one time he said "i dont wana scare u off but i wish i could one day have a family with u.u'll make an amazing mother".

i never said anything in return to these comments cuz i wasn't sure wat it meant and if he really meant them. but subconsicously i started thinking about him in a certain way and started falling for him.

I'm a well educated lady and i'm sure everything he did was just not my imagination that lead me to believe that he was falling for me fast and hard too , just as i was. one of his friends even mentioned it to me that he felt that it was something different with me and that he was falling hard and fast.

anyhow after the first couple of months, we met a new chic and she knew i was seeing this guy. her and my guy became close friends. at that time, i had a little stupid issue with this guy i was seeing, but instead of talking abt the issue with me and resolving it , he started ignoring me and started to flirt/spend more time with this girl. wen i finally got to bring up the issues (including her being close with him), he told me that he sees this new girl as his sister and that his other guy friend had already called dibs on this new chic so there's no way he's got anything for her. also, instead of making me feel secure and loved, he said i was being jealous and i felt like the whole convo backfired on me. btw just to put it out there, wen i said i wish he made me feel "secure and loved", i know its not his place to do so. but workin on things together does mean that the other partner says something or suggest something to make the other feel better abt the situation. my insecurity is mine to work on.. but i expected him to be a bit respectful of my feelings. which i felt he wasn't

the same day we talked abt us in the long run. he told me how he once fell in love with a woman like me...all was nice and dandy until she started getting jealous. then she stopped getting jealous and the relationship went on for 2 years. how he gave all into this relationship but in the end, the girl got jealous of a text msg that some ex of his texted him while he was seeing this girl. in the end he was hurt, and he didnt want it to happen again.

so, after this story i told him i dont wana be the reason for him getting hurt and going thru this again. we both ended up agreeing on keeping things as is and ending it wen i leave.

that issue aside, after i told him how i dont like him being close and flirty w/ other women, esp wen we r not at good terms and i see him happy with other women, i felt like he totally disregarded my feelings. i felt like he was disrespecting me as he continued to spend more time with this new chic and being close with her. so i ended up acting kool about it but for some reason i started distracting myself with another guy in our friend circle. this guy already has a gf , and by no means was i trying to get with him or anything. its just that to keep myself from feeling "jealous"(as he puts it) and noticing how my guy was exchanging eye contact with this new chic hes' been hanging out with. but obviously i felt like my guy felt jealous of me being "touchy" and interacting a lot with this friend of mine.

so after a day or two, my guy wanted to talk to me cuz he said he felt some tension between us. he said "if u think i'm jealous of all this that ur doing, i'm not.but gods sake choose a man who doesn't have a gf, and dont ruin their relationship". i told him it was a reaction to wat he's been doing and by no means am i trying to get wid another guy. long story short, he ended up this "no label "relationship and told me that he's been "friends" with me since last week. i was shocked at wat he said cuz it wasn't made clear to me back then, even tho the night before this convo, he was clearly dancing with me at a party in a way that u could tell something was going on b/w us (not sure if that was to make this other guy know that there's something b/w me and my guy). anyhow, he also said a few hurtful things, like calling me "crazy" cuz i've been "jealous", and that the only reason he's not with this new chic right now * is cuz his friend has called dibs on this girl and guys dont do girls their friends have called dibs on. he also said that I expected u to be at this party where u shudve been at but this *new chic was there for him where i shud've been. I was shocked and hurt by all this. i wasn't sure if this is his reaction to wat i did or if he really means all this. [notice, he never really told me to be at this party where he said he Expected me to be there with him. so i didn't know wat he was expecting cuz to me, i'm just a casual girl not his gf to b making a presence at every party he's been at]

i asked him wat abt the things u said like u "i wish we cud have a fam together" and "i dont wana lose u"....he said "yeh i dont wana lose u as a friend. and i wish we cud have a fam together but not anymore"

again, long story short, he said he can't be in a relationship with a timeline. ( i barely talked throughout this part btw). he said "because u think i'ma cheater/player,u dont trust me with other girls...and i want a girl who trusts me so much that even if she hears anything abt me she knows that "my guy is doing it for a reason. so i trust him blindly". [mind u, for me this amount of trust doesnt come with default. it comes with time...and 2months is not enuff to trust someone blindly wen they haven't even worked on building that trust]. he then told me the reason he spends time with that chic (cuz she has some restraining order against her ex,and she wants my guy to b there to provide her some protection so her ex backs off---like seriously, she couldn't find somebody else?).

anyhow, so he basically he ended it. then later he sugar coated stuff like i dont want us to get hurt... i still wana stay friends and dont wana lose u as a friend.may be after u come bak from completing ur studies... (he left it at that). and said my house is always open for u,...wenever u need me i'm guna b here yada yada. i ended up leaving his place smiling,and hugged him and all. we joked abt doing "no strings attached" etc (but ofcourse that was a way of tricking my brain into thinking everything is fine.

so after that i saw him the next day wen i had to go see another friend of mine to give her some of her stuff that i had. he was playing his music at the cafe and continuously exchanging eye contact with me in a flirty way at some of the clauses of songs (that he used to play for me). then at night wen i left, he wanted to drop me home. i took the offer, but only because i wanted to apologize for my behaviour with this other guy friend of mine (the one with the gf). i also asked him on the way why he ended up things now than later (i still have two more months to leave the city). he said "if there's a dagger in ur chest and u keep pushing it deep and deep, i'm not guna push it further in ur chest. i'm guna take it out for u. u have friends here who can help u get thru it, but if it happened wen u left, u'll b alone in the new city and u wont have anyone to help u get better".

honestly i preferred us both coming to a mutual decision rather than him making a decision for himself and for me and then leaving me with hurtful words and things to think about.

he's been texting me for the past couple of days now. just general "hey...i just got to the cafe"...and "good morning". i dont know wat that means and how to respond but i feel like i need some time alone cuz i'm hurt and torn at this point. i felt like everytime i tried to talk to him, he tried to blame me for feeling a certain way and never took responsibility for his actions. let alone including me in his life/decisions/actions so i could understand him better where he was coming from and why he was doing wat he was doing.

also, i feel like he's giving me false hopes by telling me stuff that he wants to stay "friends" and see how things go once i come bak. also, he even mentioned "i'm not guna see anyone for abt a month cuz i need time"....this statement is making me not be in contact with him cuz i feel like i'll get hurt so bad if he starts seeing someone else. also it just tells me indirectly that he's guna b seeing someone soon, so perhaps he's just not into me anymore.

i would like your thoughts on this situation. i know its too long and prob a bit too detailed but there are little things in between that make me wonder if he really likes me and is afraid of losing me. or if he's just over me and just sugar coating everything.

also i feel like i was lead on by him cuz he came off very strong in the beginning wen i wasn't really into him that much. but once he got me falling for him, he kinda backed off because he didn't wana get hurt again. but i still feel like its very unfair the way he dealt with things. i rather he talked it out with me clearly and understood where i was coming from rather than just hearing wat i was saying and not actually "listening"

I'm in a unique situation

Let's see ...

I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. From the very start we both knew it was not guna last because I have to leave the country after a couple of months to continue my education. We both were fine with it, as"no label" and had loads of fun and great time.

That part is clear, and not unique. Sounds fine, no apparent conflict or issues.

First two months were fantastic and then we started having some problems. I started seeing this other side of him where he was being flirty with girls we used to hang out with. I raised the concern and he told him that is who he's been ...its his nature etc.

Sorry, what? His "other side"? Did you think he was gay until that point?

I stopped reading here, especially because I saw how long the rest of your post was. That's a bit of an epic.

But back to what I did read. You entered a temporary no label arrangement with a guy because you're leaving in a couple of months, which is in your best interests, and you're getting annoyed because he's looking out for his own best interests? Which for him might mean a longer term relationship with someone after you're gone, or another short term relationship or relationships.

Have other men stopped flirting with you, sending you messages, etc? And have you blocked them if they do? I saw mention of one other male "distraction" for you somewhere in that post.

If you enter a "no commitment" type of relationship then don't expect commitment.

i would like your thoughts on this situation. i know its too long and prob a bit too detailed

No kidding.

but there are little things in between that make me wonder if he really likes me and is afraid of losing me. or if he's just over me and just sugar coating everything.

Ok I read the last paragraph also.

You won't know the answer to that unless you can read his mind, or unless he tells you (and even if he tells you, you still won't know for sure). Having an honest conversation with someone about that sort of thing is difficult at the best of times, and I think very difficult if the circumstances are still that you are leaving in a month or two.

How you and he behave with each other, and with other people, affects how you feel and how he feels. He will be afraid of losing you until he isn't afraid anymore. That fear might disappear if you aren't going to disappear (unless he doesn't want you to stay), or if he meets someone else. If you're leaving, you can't keep him all to yourself unless he's willing to be a doormat.

thank you for the reply.

this is exactly why i mentioned it in my post long ago that it was a no label relationship. and yes ofcourse i was aware of the "no commitment/no expectations part". but wat u're failing to see is that he is the one who started having expectations first and started telling me he wanted more. and wen i tried to be on the same page as him, he backed off. he wud always block off guys for me and say "she's taken" alll the time. so it was majorly coming from him for most part.

also, u got the "doormat"part wrong. that is not my intention at all. he's a man and i like him acting like a man

ofcourse i'm not annoyed for him watching out for his own interests. i myself wouldnt like hurting him in anyway. but i just fail to understand wat he wants at this point. shud i continue contact with him because he wants me to , cuz he isn't just ready to let go of me yet or shud i just cut off cold turkey so we both move on with our lives.

yes time was a major concern to start with, but sometimes the heart wants wat it wants. no matter how bad u try to control urself, u can't just hold off ur feelings for someone wen ur with them most of the time and are having an amazing time with them

he's had his fun, and the relationship expired like it was going to due to the expiration date. I don't think there is anything really special going on here.

He acted like I would have in this situation...had my fun, kept my options open, perhaps caught some feeling, but made sure I don't fall head over heels, so that I can keep dating when you leave.

The trouble with a lot of guys is that the "open" deal is a one way street in their mind. As in they are free to pursue other options, but they really hate the idea of you actually doing the same even if they pay you lip service and tell you it's fine. Their actions tell otherwise. However, you should never ever confuse being possessive with his toy with actually caring and wanting more.

Anyway, the fact here is that you are leaving. So there is really no the heart wants, etc. You simply got caught up the classic trap of open seemed like a good idea until it stopped working as planned and got messy. In theory it's a great concept, in reality very few people can actually handle that and keep it clean. My advice is instead of getting more muddled, start putting in some distance and focus on the upcoming move. In short, start disengaging and focus on what you need to do with your life.