Boyfriend needed space.. Struggling with NC

My boyfriend and I were in a LDR for 2.5 years. We were so good together. We fought occasionally, but not more than most couples. We were each other's best friend and did everything together. We loved each other's families too and we were just such a great match. 9 months ago, we moved in together. I became "too clingy" because I was in a new state and that pushed him away. He was no longer happy. He had always said how he feels we are meant to be, though. We broke up about 2 months ago.

The only problem was, until I found my own place, I lived with him for about 2 weeks after the breakup. He has said numerous times that I'm his best friend, and he's mine, and he loves me so much. Just last week he called me saying how much he misses me, he hates not talking to me everyday, but obviously it doesn't matter since we are still not together and his words aren't backed by his actions. He even invited me over. I said no I do not think that is a good idea. But I told him I missed him too. We were sort of talking and he kept saying "if it's true love, we'll come back to each other one day" and how he was thinking that now that I have my own place 20 minutes from him, we'll get the chance to date that we never got to have (since we went from a LDR to living together), but he doesn't want to jump into things right away since we'll slip back into our old habits.

Then Sunday he was being offstandish to me and kept saying how he wants space, so I left him alone. It's Day 3 of NC and I feel sick to my stomach. Yesterday, I found out that he became FaceBook friends with his ex. They dated in high school and he was in a horrible car accident then, and she didn't even visit him in the hospital. He told me before how much that bothered him. They texted a few times during our relationship and he said how they've always just been friends and reassured me that he's not interested in her. Well, now they're FB friends which tells me they probably text each other, too. I'm probably over-thinking things as usual but I am just so nervous that now they're going to start something. She also lives two hours away from him so he would have to be in a LDR with her, whereas I'm only 20 minutes away. I want to text him so badly but I know that will only push him away more.

Here's the thing --- LDR are faux relationships. You can text and Skype to your hearts content, and live your own life. So, you go from that to living together.

Living together is REALITY. And not for the meek. And as you can see, it doesn't work if you haven't laid the foundation.

So --- your bf doesn't need "space". He broke up with you. And you are getting the "let's be friends and take it slow" speech. Which is code for ---- FWB and weaning off each other. And as you can see, as soon as he finds someone else that gives him the benefits without the commitment, he is off to the races.

So ---- leave him in your past and look to your future. With a guy you can see, and date, and get to know. And enjoy being single until that happens.

Forget his ex. He broke up with you. Stop Facebook stalking him.

I actually broke up with him because I told him he wasn't being fair to me with how he treated me and he was miserable and cried and said "well maybe I just need space". And I also wasn't Facebook stalking. It popped up in my newsfeed who he became friends with.. I have since blocked him and her.

I actually broke up with him because I told him he wasn't being fair to me with how he treated me and he was miserable and cried and said "well maybe I just need space".

My apologies for misreading what you wrote. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Since he asked for space, you should give it to him... and don't expect a miracle.

'I need space' = 'I don't want to be with you anymore but I'm too chicken to come straight out and say it'

No-one ever needs space from someone they are in love with, love and want to be with.

He told me that living together was "too much too soon" and he needs time to figure out what he wants

That isn't the case if he has signed up for 1,000 dating sites.

He didn't though? He has mentioned a few times possibly getting back together, he just wants space to figure out what he wants. He found out that I signed up for a few dating sites and got so upset saying "I can't believe you're moving on this quickly"

He didn't though? He has mentioned a few times possibly getting back together, he just wants space to figure out what he wants. He found out that I signed up for a few dating sites and got so upset saying "I can't believe you're moving on this quickly"

Sorry....was thinking about different thread. However...you have signed up! Lol.

Take plenty of space. Have a life...without him as the back drop.

Haha- it's ok, I was confused for a sec! I signed up because part of me wants to move on but the other wants him to come back so badly. I moved to a different state for him and really saw a future with him, and he said he did, too. But now he just needs space. So I'm giving it to him. Today is day 3 of NC.. I feel sick to my stomach because I miss him so badly and I want him to text me. I can't stop thinking about what he's doing or who he's talking to... I try to push the thoughts out of my head but it doesn't work. He's literally all I think about. I just hope he doesn't start sleeping with this girl or doing anything. That terrifies me so much. But I know I can't control it...

All of your feelings are understandable. It must be really tough to have made that move and then watch everything fall apart. It does get better though...just like anything else with time it gets better.

Its not a man thing. Its a "this isn't what I want" thing.

Moving in together wasn't a great idea. Insecurity isn't attractive. Relying on your SO for everything social in your life is overwhelming.

So...dial it back. Be independent. Date others.

Thank you. Yeah I think it is a man thing. He's always been like that. And ever since we broke up he's been saying "if I come back, I'll be serious and have a ring" and that he thinks this is true love he just needs "me time" and to figure things out on his own. I completely understand what you're saying. I just wish he was like me in this aspect and felt we were companions rather than needing space from me. But, I hope he comes back. And I hope he doesn't start talking to his Ex. She lives two hours away and he told me that they never were best friends like him and I were. And they dated a long time ago

I do understand that. And if we ever have a relationship again in the future, I will understand that and respect that. I never realized he needed all this alone time while we were dating, because he never told me, so as I felt him slip away, I clung closer and closer and it just snowballed. I'm just so scared that I'm going to lose him forever. I miss him so much and this is tearing me up inside. Today's day 4 of NC and I want to text him so badly. But I'm going to be strong and I won't text him, I just home he eventually comes back to me if I don't chase him anymore.

Take people who have advertising in their signature line with a grain of salt.

This isn't a gender thing --- and the advice you are getting is pop psychology. Tripe.

You relationship imploded because you went from LD to moving in. Too much, too soon. In addition, you had no interest outside of the relationship and no support system except for your bf. Too much. He is now feeling less stress ----- but he is gravitating towards his ex because....she is LD.

As my first post said, LD relationship are faux. Because you get to act single, and have a relationship thru technology and the occasional visit. Very easy to maintain for those who want to NOT COMMIT>

Take people who have advertising in their signature line with a grain of salt.

 

This isn't a gender thing --- and the advice you are getting is pop psychology. Tripe.

 

You relationship imploded because you went from LD to moving in. Too much, too soon. In addition, you had no interest outside of the relationship and no support system except for your bf. Too much. He is now feeling less stress ----- but he is gravitating towards his ex because....she is LD.

 

As my first post said, LD relationship are faux. Because you get to act single, and have a relationship thru technology and the occasional visit. Very easy to maintain for those who want to NOT COMMIT>

Right. I understand why the relationship failed. I want to know if it is possible to ever get back what we did have at one point.

No one here could tell you.

What we can tell you is that BOTH of you have to want it, and it appears right now, he does not.

In order for you to have a chance with anyone --- you need to have a life that has many friends and many interests. Not be that girl who only lives through a relationship. And the good thing that happens when you develop friends and interests is that you have an interesting life and you will attract people who want to share it. And if the ex comes back --- great. And if he doesn't ---- someone else will.

Take people who have advertising in their signature line with a grain of salt.

 

This isn't a gender thing --- and the advice you are getting is pop psychology. Tripe.

 

You relationship imploded because you went from LD to moving in. Too much, too soon. In addition, you had no interest outside of the relationship and no support system except for your bf. Too much. He is now feeling less stress ----- but he is gravitating towards his ex because....she is LD.

 

As my first post said, LD relationship are faux. Because you get to act single, and have a relationship thru technology and the occasional visit. Very easy to maintain for those who want to NOT COMMIT>

And by the way, it was LD because he went to college 4 hours away, but we saw each other every weekend (since I worked Monday-Friday anyway) and skyped, texted, talked, all the time

He still has plenty of time to himself and does not have to focus on the relationship. I did a LDR when my bf was in grad school. And you know what ----- they can be fun because when you are together, it's play time. And silly little disagreements can be pushed aside because "we only have 2 days".

Living together is reality. And being with someone 24/7 (except for work) is work. And you went from one extreme to the other. And ---- it was suffocating to him.

I realize that.. I'm just wondering if NC is going to work and if he's going to come back considering the history we have. I have blocked him from all social media sites, removed his # from my phone so it won't be as easy to text him, and he hasn't texted me. Today is Day 4 of NC. I'm just hoping he realizes what we had and wants to start dating again. Especially now since I have my own place 20 minutes away so we can get a chance to just date and have a happy medium rather than LD or living together.

NC doesn't "work" on anything but your healing and moving forward.

Stop worrying about what he is or isn't doing/thinking. He chose to excuse you from his life. He is feeling relief right now.

You need to focus on yourself and getting out and living and making friends in your new place.

I am focusing on that mostly because now I have no other choice but to do so. It's hard because I have talked to him everyday for almost 3 years and for now to all of a sudden be cut off is difficult for me. I can't just shut off my feelings for him and move on and not worry about what he is doing. He's my best friend (or at least was) and I am mourning over the loss of him. I want him back.

And that is part of the problem. You made him your world. And he maintained a life at school, and now that included you but was not only you.

Which is why he is having a less difficult time.

In order never to feel this way again, you need to develop a life and stop looking for a life preserver.

I'm trying. I really am. I've been taking kickboxing classes, going out with friends, etc.. Trying to get my mind off of things. I just can't help but wonder how he is and I know that he feels the same way (he told me he was miserable last week).. It's not that I'm looking for a life preserver; I've been asked out on a few dates by at least 5 different guys. I just want my ex. He's the only person I want and can think about.