Ex lied about why she dumped me and is ignoring me.

I met this girl in college class. We kept things friendly until the end of the semester and hung out off and on for a couple months afterward. Then I decided that I liked her and asked her out. Things moved very quickly after that and within half a week we were fooling around together on my bed. We did not have sex but it was pretty far. I'm also a virgin while she has had sex many times. I did not date her for the possibility of sex, I dated because I liked her. We had gotten to know each other pretty well through class so I think that's why things moved quicker than expected. Also when we first started dating I told her how old I was and that I was 30 while she's 19. She said that the age did not bother her at all. Then after fooling around she ignored me for a couple days and then told me via text that she could not do this anymore because I was too old and her parents would not approve. We stayed in touch via Facebook and texting for about a month and half afterward, then she got another boyfriend less than two weeks later. While we were dating, she had told me she was going out of town to see a male friend and although i didn't like this, we weren't dating all that long and she told me i could trust her. I don't know if this is the guy she's dating now or not but my gut thinks so. Soon after she became "Facebook official", She started to not talk to me as much. Then she started ignoring me altogether. I wrote her an angry letter but never sent it because i know that would only validate her dumping me and was more for me to vent my frustration. I'm convinced though that she dumped me for this other guy but have no proof. So I just deleted her number and unfriended her on Facebook. I did do something that I regret and that is that i sent a quick three sentence letter telling her that i hope she has a great life ahead of her and she has a wonderful heart (even though I didn't think this while i wrote it) and that i'd see her around. I didn't get a response but I still miss her. I know we didn't date that long and she doesn't owe me anything. It's been one week of NC as of today. I know that I'm better off because the age difference may not have been the real reason, but she wasn't mature enough for me and she didn't respect me enough because she broke up with me via text and jumped in this other relationship real quick. I just wish she would miss me or make contact but i know logically that won't likely happen. It's still just hard right now.

I'm just wondering, was it really a situation where she dumped you? If you had been on a few dates that doesn't mean you were in a relationship with her. If you were not "official" she was probably keeping her options open and decided that she had more in common or more reasons to date the other guy. Personally, I can't date multiple guys at one time even in the beginning stages, but a lot of people can and do, and until you are committed it's kinda a gray area.

I'm sorry you feel hurt, but I don't think you should feel like you were lied to.

I woke up one morning and the text was there saying "You're gonna hate this but I can't do this anymore, you're too old for me and my parents wouldn't approve." I know it wasn't that serious and she may have been keeping her options open as you say, but I'd never gotten that far physically with a girl before and we had gotten to know each other pretty well over the months. so i think that's why it hurts.

Yes, she probably lied to you to spare your feelings. We always say we want the "truth", but in reality, we don't. There's a reason the saying "you can't handle the truth" still lingers around. Was she seeing this other guy when you were dating her? Possibly. My question to you is, does it really matter? What would be accomplished by getting the real answer to that question? If yes, you'll be heartbroken; if no, you'll still be heartbroken.

She's dating him (or someone else now), and that's that. I wouldn't call it disrespectful on her part... It's unreasonable to ask someone to fight their feelings for someone just to make the person you dumped feel better. Perhaps she wouldn't even have considered you two to be dating yet. Besides, again, what's the difference? You'd still be just as peeved by this if she waited a month before dating this other person, wouldn't you?

You said it yourself, you're better off because she wasn't mature enough. The age difference is a huge factor when someone's 19, and she's still got a lot of growing up to do. Maybe in time she'll come back, maybe she won't.

You did all the right things by deleting her number and removing her from social media. With time it gets easier - believe me. I thought things were hopeless when my 3 year relationship ended, but almost 2 months later, I'm gaining my sanity back. Whatever you do, save your dignity and fight every urge you have to contact her. Let out all your emotions if you have to. Have faith that you will recover... We'll be here for you every step of the way.

Continue with NC and work on getting over her. You'll save yourself a lot of drama down the road. Just think, in a couple years she'll be old enough to hit the club scene. I'm your age so I can tell you now...idk about you but that's not a road I want to go down at this stage in my life. Not that age difference is a big deal but in this situation with her being the way she is and adding that into the mix....no thank you lol.

Good luck moving on and finding someone else.

Ps (man to man forum aside) Good god man get out there and loose that virginity brother! That should be your main concern right now.

Ps (man to man forum aside) Good god man get out there and loose that virginity brother! That should be your main concern right now.

PS. Man-to-man, forum aside, that is single-handedly the most immature thing (and worst piece of advice) I've ever seen given to someone going through a tough time, and that's saying a lot.

That means a lot Denguin, really. While we were still talking after she ended things, I always tried to keep things upbeat and encouraging to her. She works in the same field as me (human services) so i was always sending her encouraging texts and she always replied telling me that "it meant so much to read such and such, thank you!" Even while she was dating the other guy, i did that, but once she stopped replying, i knew i had to do what was right for me. I really have no regret with being kind to her, even though I was hurt. I just wish i had started NC sooner and quit lying to myself about the truth. I've had exes from longer term relationships get back in touch with me and my gut says this might happen here as well but it always seems to happen once i don't care anymore. Once an ex only got in touch again with me to tell me she was engaged haha.But by then i didn't care and less than a month later the engagement was off. Maybe this will be the same, I just want to get over her as soon as possible.

That sentence right there shows a lot about your character. Walk away from this with your head held high. It wasn't meant to be, but you did everything you could to be the best man possible for her. Have pride in that.

And don't worry, I won't just give my virginity to anyone. I'm no prude but I have dignity haha.

That sentence right there shows a lot about your character. Walk away from this with your head held high. It wasn't meant to be, but you did everything you could to be the best man possible for her. Have pride in that.

That's the mindset I'm trying to have. I wrote a lot of nasty letters but never sent them to her. More as a cleansing. I'm glad I was kind to her when I sent my last message. Maybe she didn't read it but maybe she did. No reply says a lot in and of itself. Thanks again for your kind words.

Oh god i remember saying something stupid in my last message to her. I told her "that if she just wanted me to stop talking to her, than she could have just told me and not ignore me. I would have listened." I'm such an idiot. She WAS telling me to leave her alone by ignoring me. Oh well, I just have to forgive myself for that and keep looking forward.

She's a coward, and handled things disrespectfully.

I agree. She is too young, and is quite immature. But hey, she's a teenager!

She's a coward, and handled things disrespectfully.

 

I agree. She is too young, and is quite immature. But hey, she's a teenager!

Thanks Holly, I keep telling myself that so that it's easier to move on. I would never call her a coward to her face but it helps to know I (mostly) did things the best i could.

PS. Man-to-man, forum aside, that is single-handedly the most immature thing (and worst piece of advice) I've ever seen given to someone going through a tough time, and that's saying a lot.

You sound like a really good guy! I also think you handled things really well!

Please try to find someone on the same maturity and character level - I will also apply it to my own dating situations

and that's the most exaggerated I've ever seen. We're really breaking some ground today.

I agree with Denguin. Are you a teenager?

Oh god i remember saying something stupid in my last message to her. I told her "that if she just wanted me to stop talking to her, than she could have just told me and not ignore me. I would have listened." I'm such an idiot. She WAS telling me to leave her alone by ignoring me. Oh well, I just have to forgive myself for that and keep looking forward.

Don't kick yourself over it. We all do things we regret when we get emotional. Learn from your mistakes and don't make them again with your next love interest.

and that's the most exaggerated I've ever seen. We're really breaking some ground today.

I won't even bother.

You sound like a really good guy! I also think you handled things really well!

Please try to find someone on the same maturity and character level - I will also apply it to my own dating situations

 

Thanks Holly, I know I may have made some mistakes (see above) but I feel good overall. I'm also determined not to date someone not at least in their mid-late twenties. It goes a long way in a healthy relationship.

Denguin, In the grand scheme, I'd say I did pretty well so I'll forgive myself for this. If she took offense by it after how well (I think) I treated her than that's on her but i won't likely ever know. Just gotta learn and keep going.

Loose your virginity when you are ready to (I think you know that, but just wanted to offer support). I don't know why man are pushing other man to loose it, while women are expected to stay virgins or have very little experience. You will know when the time is right and the person is right.

Loose your virginity when you are ready to (I think you know that, but just wanted to offer support). I don't know why man are pushing other man to loose it, while women are expected to stay virgins or have very little experience. You will know when the time is right and the person is right.

Thanks Jennifer.

It's very rare to get the truth and nothing but the truth, when a breakup occurs. The majority of the time it's a sugar coated version of the real truth, where it's pointless to ponder over.

It's very rare to get the truth and nothing but the truth, when a breakup occurs. The majority of the time it's a sugar coated version of the real truth, where it's pointless to ponder over.

Yeah i know. She might not think anything of it. I just need to hold my head up high knowing I treated her well and know that there will someday be another girl that will appreciate it more. I'm learning not to hold onto someone who doesn't care about losing me.

Just venting now. I remember texting her about three weeks ago. She mentioned that she was going on a few trips this year. I asked where and she said colorado and Norway. I asked if she was going solo or with family. She said she was doing both with her new boyfriend. It stung a lot but i said that I hoped they would have a good time and take lots of pictures and I was happy for her (even though i felt nothing like it). I should have just kept my mouth shut and she didn't reply to it so go figure. She did keep talking to me a few days later until she became official with this new guy. Maybe they'll go on the trips for real, maybe not. I'll never know. It just stung at the time and I needed to vent about it.

She also had two miscarriages. One from when she lost her virginity with her best guy friend at 17 and wanted to kill herself afterward. Then she was with another guy for a year and got pregnant again but lost that one as well. When she and I talked about having sex, she said she was on birth control by this point. One of the things that drew me to her is that she wants to have lot of kids because i do too. Maybe she'll get what she wants someday and I hope she does. but she was so young for these things to happen. Just some more venting. Not sure what to do with it.