I'm so upset with ex-gf. How do I deal with this?

She broke it off last month in good terms and we've been nc minus last week when I told her to meet me up and I ended up apologizing for my flaws. We spoke in good terms, caught up with everything etc, and she said to call her if I needed anything and I said for her to do the same.

Then I haven't heard from her until she texted me 3 nights ago saying she hates me so much for everything I put her through and hates herself that she still loves me. I responded the next day saying sorry for whatever I put her through and I still love and miss her.

I'm so upset that she didn't reply back and I shouldve said she ruined my life basically cause I invested alot in the relationship and to someone who I didn't end up marrying (I'm 27 now and it's gonna get hard to find the right one)and took 4 years out of my life and now I'm stuck here paying my credit cards off after I paid for almost everything in the relationship. I'm so tempted to text her again why she didn't reply back and I should be the one hating her cause she broke it off. How do I go on with this? This has been in my head for 2 days now and it bugs me.

It's over. Let it go. No good can come from texting her. Whatever she does, answer, doesn't answer, won't make you feel better

You chose to pay for things you really couldn't afford. The debt is on you, not her.

She didn't ruin your life. You are 27 ---- your life is just beginning. And it will be much easier to find the "right one" once you have a job and an apartment.

The best thing to do is focus this anger on becoming the best "you" possible.

It's over. Let it go. No good can come from texting her. Whatever she does, answer, doesn't answer, won't make you feel better

It's not easy to let this go. She left me and left me hanging with me saying the last words. I just feel destroyed to the point where I can't cope anymore

I'm in a similar situation. My ex broke it off a month ago, I have fears of finding someone new since I'm 30. She has contacted me since then, we have went out on a date to touch base. She is so upset with me because I had not lived up to her expectations of commitment. It's familiar to me man, and its all happening right now as well. Although every relationship and past relationship is different, you both have go to be in the same place emotionally. We are keeping up communication but we are taking it slow. As long as our feelings (both) can handle this then it should be fine. In your situation, it sounds like she still has feelings for you and wants to keep communication open. Well that's fine but if it hurts to much and that is something that you can't do then NC is the way to go. If you get to a point where resentment builds up in yourself or that your hurt supersedes your ego then it's time to go NC.

I learned that relationships have no direct answer. Things that work in one do not work in others. If we knew all the answers in life then there would be no purpose, no individuality, no decision making, it would in fact be pointless (at least for me). Take things slow, don't just jump back into it, although that's what our own ego wants us to do. Find out for yourself what you really want from yourself and your own life. Look at this point of time as an opportunity to find yourself again. You invested 4 years into someone, do you feel like you truly know who you are after all that time? If it goes in the direction where you must let her go... do it. Become stronger, more successful, make changes, IMPROVE... then when in time things cool down (months down the road) and you feel like you can approach her, text her, whatever, talk about how you have taken steps to improve yourself. She will be blown away. It might not succeed in a relationship, but it will show her that your no bloke and you have passion/ambition. And while your confidence increases, because it will - you are doing things for yourself and your own ego, then who knows, maybe you will find someone you are more compatible with, who makes your happier.

Sorry for any errors, I wrote this post quickly.

I'm so tempted to text her again why she didn't reply back and I should be the one hating her cause she broke it off.

Other than beating a dead horse, what would that accomplish? Your pain is understandable, but the truth of the matter is, if she wanted to be with you, she would.

It's time to be the bigger person, and move on.

This is why I met up with her last week. I told her I've been working on improving myself and finally got the promotion to a better paying field which will keep me financially stable. She was proud of me and she's doing the same. I'm just upset why she texted me and I said how I felt and she just ignored me.

She's the type of person who wants her guy to fight for her. Our main reason why we broke up is cause I didn't have my act together and was still in the same job after all these years. She wanted to get married in 2 years but she didn't see that with me cause of me not saving for the future. It was hard cause she always wanted to go out and she was high maintenance

Other than beating a dead horse, what would that accomplish? Your pain is understandable, but the truth of the matter is, if she wanted to be with you, she would.

 

It's time to be the bigger person, and move on.

I understand. I just don't know why she had to send that text that she still loves me. I should've been the bigger

Man and shouldn't have replied

I know you're hurting

But you will make it through this. It's just going to suck for a while. Trust me, nothing she says will matter at this stage. Best ro stay away from her and heal.

This is why I met up with her last week. I told her I've been working on improving myself and finally got the promotion to a better paying field which will keep me financially stable. She was proud of me and she's doing the same. I'm just upset why she texted me and I said how I felt and she just ignored me.

 

She's the type of person who wants her guy to fight for her. Our main reason why we broke up is cause I didn't have my act together and was still in the same job after all these years. She wanted to get married in 2 years but she didn't see that with me cause of me not saving for the future. It was hard cause she always wanted to go out and she was high maintenance

She does not want you to fight for her --- that is in your head, and it's wrong.

She "always" wanted to go out --- because you live with your parents.

You need to accept it is over. You keep rehashing this and trying to make her out to be something she isn't.

This is why I met up with her last week. I told her I've been working on improving myself and finally got the promotion to a better paying field which will keep me financially stable. She was proud of me and she's doing the same. I'm just upset why she texted me and I said how I felt and she just ignored me.

 

She's the type of person who wants her guy to fight for her. Our main reason why we broke up is cause I didn't have my act together and was still in the same job after all these years. She wanted to get married in 2 years but she didn't see that with me cause of me not saving for the future. It was hard cause she always wanted to go out and she was high maintenance

Unfortunately, for us both, a month of time is not comparable to a relationship of 4 years. The changes you are making are great, do not take it lightly. But understand.. the changes you are making should not be about her, they are about YOU and what YOU want out of life, if she is in the picture or not in the picture. It's hard to come to grips, but in a sense, you need to shift your outlook upon yourself and your needs. A month of change is great but it's only the start of something bigger. Real change takes time, hard work, and ambition. Things that might not come naturally or easily.

As far as your ex goes, she wants the communication open and it sounds like you have opened up yourself and your vulnerability. Understand that she holds all the cards and where things go from here. That's a little scary isn't it; keeping your feelings and self dignity on a string, because that's exactly what it is. She can yank and pull that string by calling and texting but each time that happens it tends to hurt, a jab here, a jab there. Right now your emotions are at a vulnerable state. It's easy to get sucked-in to only think about fixing the situation through desperation. But through your hurt, you have to take a step back, you have to get out of the tunnel vision, you have to look beyond this breakup. You need to look at the BIGGER PICTURE. The bigger picture is reflecting on yourself past this breakup and understanding what you want in life, with or without her.

I understand. I just don't know why she had to send that text that she still loves me. I should've been the bigger

Man and shouldn't have replied

3 nights ago saying she hates me so much for everything I put her through and hates herself that she still loves me

This is what she said. Not "she still loves me".

And love doesn't disappear in a day/week/month ----

I would focus on the part where "she hates me".

3 nights ago saying she hates me so much for everything I put her through and hates herself that she still loves me

 

This is what she said. Not "she still loves me".

 

And love doesn't disappear in a day/week/month ----

 

I would focus on the part where "she hates me".

Hates me for what? I didn't break her heart

Hates you for not being the man she wanted you to be.

Hates you for telling her you would change/grow up/be responsible ---- and then didn't.

Hates you for not being the man she wanted you to be.

Hates you for telling her you would change/grow up/be responsible ---- and then didn't.

I'm the man whose changing now. I already passed my exam and got the job promotion to a better stable field. She knows that aswell and she knows I'm improving myself to a better person.

Should I text her to see if she's okay? I don't want her to hate me and we still love each other

No, you shouldn't text her. You cannot say anything that will. Hangs anything.

BTW...she also hates that it took breaking up with you to get you off your buttocks.

Spoke to my counselor and she told me I already laid my cards on the table when I txted her I loved her still and miss her. I guess that is all I can do for now.

No, you shouldn't text her. You cannot say anything that will. Hangs anything.

 

BTW...she also hates that it took breaking up with you to get you off your buttocks.

Damn this feeling sucks. Now that I got my act together I'm missing her in my life.

She doesn't really hate you. She doesn't really love you. She really liked you, and really hoped that she could force you to change into whatever it is she thinks she's looking for, when the truth of it is, you were never going to be that person. You both invested a lot of time and effort (and in your case money) into something you both thought would pan out - the fact that it didn't is hard on both of you. Hold out for the person who loves who you are, not who they think they can force you to be.

So get your act together. Go through the changes that are right for YOU to make. Use the mirror that she was for you to see some of your faults as a springboard, but don't try to be her perfect man. Be your own perfect man. There is probably someone out there who is actually looking for him, and you will attract that person as you grow into who you want to be.

At 27 (I'm 31) I think we have a pretty clear idea of who we are, and it can be hard to change that. But moments of hardship can be crucial to letting us see that change is actually possible, and we don't have to stay in whatever box we have put ourselves in. I barely recognize who I was a couple years ago when a significant relationship in my life ended. Great job, debt free, cool friends. Ok, so I still don't have the GF, but I know that will come. None of this could have happened without two things - dating my ex, AND getting my heart broken. It takes some time but don't be afraid of the future or the time. The pain is really really hard, but you can get through it.

I'm tempted to text her if everything is ok. Felt like she left me hanging after my text

Thanks a lot for this advice. I'm taking these steps but I'm really hating her at the moment. Like I feel so much anger with myself and her to the point where I want to call her out on all this. I just hate being ignored so I'm trying to control myself and just be the bigger man to let this go and walk away.

I feel like I lost the battle when I texted her I love her and miss her back and didn't get a reply. I feel like I put her feelings before mine cause I didn't want her to hate me. Now I don't care about how she feels and this will turn out to a bad breakup after all

sounds like you really dodged a bullet...

I'm tempted to text her if everything is ok. Felt like she left me hanging after my text

Not replying is a choice. It isn't leaving you hanging. There is no requirement to reply ---- and that, in itself, is your answer.

sounds like you really dodged a bullet...

Oh trust me I jumped through hoops to keep her happy. She was a high maintenance one. Tons of all nighters to be with her and having to work the next morning at 5am while she expected me to make plans Friday night while I only had 3 hours of sleep. So much sacrifices made for nothing

Not replying is a choice. It isn't leaving you hanging. There is no requirement to reply ---- and that, in itself, is your answer.

Seems like you're always on her side