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  1. #1
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Dumpers and Rebounders: Can you describe your "Relationship" experiences?

    I have been thinking of some questions geared towards those who've either 'dumped' and moved on or those who've had 'Rebound relationships' (moved on quickly into another relation after a LTR ended).

    I have seen a few stories lately from an occasional dumper or someone who thought they may have been in a 'rebound'. So, i'd like to ask you:?

    1) Is it more common for the dumper or dumpee to run into a new relationship? ("rebound").
    (were YOU a dumper or dumpee?)

    2) Can you describe what they are like? Are they good at first? For how long before you noticed changes?
    Did YOU feel like there was some kind of 'honeymoon stage' at first? For how long..

    3) During your time with the 'new' person, were you often thinking about your Ex?
    (when.. first thing in the morning? While driving..? or brought on by 'memories'?)

    4) Did you feel over time that things moved too fast for you- which made you question everything?

    5) How long in did you start second guessing the new relationship?

    5) Did you end it or them?

    6) Did yo go back to your Ex or consider it?

    Feel free to explain more further your thoughts/feelings on what you experienced or felt during this relationship time.
    I'm just trying to understand what goes on when someone enters into a new relationship, after their Long term relation just ended.

    As for 'dumpers', I understand, some were 'necessary' and some of you still 'felt a lot' as in loss or pain after your break up of LTR?

    TY

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Did anyone feel like their actual 'feelings' for their new partner were unreal (like love), and that it was actually what you were still feeling for your 'Ex'?
    I've heard of that before. Some guy explained it as he 'hardly knew her' and the 'love' he felt (strong emotions) were what he brought into his new relation- mistakingly and he ended that relationship and went single for a good while, so he could deal with what was actually going on.
    he said it all felt wrong.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    They enjoy the new relationship because they emotionally checked out of the old one.
    They are looking forward ----not backward.

    The best thing to do is stop thinking of your ex's new relationship as a rebound. It may be, or it may end in marriage. Whatever it is, however, has nothing to do with you any more.

    You need to start looking forward, because analyzing his behavior is looking in the past and you cannot change that.

  4. #4
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    ^^^^ agreed, 100%

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  6. #5
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    I was supposed to be a guy's rebound, he had been dumped after a 7 year relationship, against his will, and had trouble moving on. Then he met me, 3 months after the breakup, and we started going out (I didn't know at the time that I was a rebound, or I wouldn't have gone for it).

    In the beginning, he was talking about his ex a bit too much, which raised the red flags. He had lots of pictures of her in his phone (he showed them to me!), so I knew he still had feelings for her. He kept insisting he was over her, that he wanted to pursue something with me, so against my better judgement I continued dating him. Soon enough I found out he was still keeping in touch with her, so I decided to end things, because nobody likes to be second choice, right? Also, he wasn't my type at all, we had nothing in common and I wasn't that into him anyway, so the next time he told me he had talked to her, I used it as a reason to dump him. All this happened within about 2 months.

    Turns out he had actually developed real feelings for me. He begged me to stay, he admitted I had been a rebound initially, but then he fell in love with me, and realized I was a much better match for him than his ex. He deleted all of her pictures from his phone, he deleted her from his social media, he did everything he should have done at the beginning of our relationship - only too late.

    He had a really tough time letting go of ME, and his ex became history in his mind. He was after me for over a month after I ended it with him, texted me almost daily begging for another chance. He was prepared to do whatever it took if only I came back. To this day, he still tries to change my mind, he shows up in places he knows I go to with different women, to "make me jealous" (LOL!!!), and he seems to have a hard time moving on from me.

    So to answer your question, yes, it is possible for an ex's rebound to turn into the love of his life. He may think about his ex in the beginning, but if the rebound is a better match for him than his ex was, the ex will be soon forgotten.
    He may try to get back with his ex, IF the rebound dumps him (because she didn't want to be a rebound).

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    1) Is it more common for the dumper or dumpee to run into a new relationship? ("rebound"). (were YOU a dumper or dumpee?)
    It goes either way and I was both.

    2) Can you describe what they are like? Are they good at first? For how long before you noticed changes? Did YOU feel like there was some kind of 'honeymoon stage' at first? For how long.
    Fulfilling at first because I was using a person to help me overcome someone else. Keyword: USING. I dated on and off with different people to rebound.

    3) During your time with the 'new' person, were you often thinking about your Ex? (when.. first thing in the morning? While driving..? or brought on by 'memories'?)
    I was not over my ex until three months into the relationship with guy #2. I did not contact him at all while I was dating other people. I can't really remember when since it was several years ago.

    4) Did you feel over time that things moved too fast for you- which made you question everything?
    I purposely was moving fast just to keep my ex out of my mind. I even date hopped- went from one guy to another. It was fun for awhile. One of the reasons I broke up was so I can date around... but I later discovered I did not get over my ex that way.

    5) How long in did you start second guessing the new relationship?
    Did not apply.

    5) Did you end it or them?
    I ended it with two guys. Not only were they not compatible as I thought they were, but they just did not meet my needs and expectations at a "reasonable time."

    6) Did you go back to your Ex or consider it?
    As a matter of fact I am marrying him. It's funny how things work, but sometimes a break up can be for the best for btter changes. He got his stuff together in college finally and we rekindled after a year when meeting back up at a mutual friend's party. At the time I wasn't considering it until a few weeks after the party. I have no shame. :P
    Last edited by Snny; 08-16-2013 at 10:54 AM.
    No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you DON'T want.

    Give but do not allow yourself to be used. Love but do not allow your heart to be abused. Trust but don't be naive. Listen to others, but don't lose your own voice.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    I see, interesting, okay thanks ..

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