Girlfriend got a tattoo without saying anything

My girlfriend got a tattoo yesterday on her arm without telling me. She just phoned me and said guess what i have had done.

I am pretty upset about it because she knows i really dislike tattoos and she didnt even think to let me know before she had it done. She said she deliberately didnt tell me about it because she knew i wouldnt be happy about it.

I know its her body and its up to her what she does with it but i guess i kinda feel like as a couple thats the kind of thing you talk about or share with each other before getting it done. I feel that if she can be deceitful like that over a tattoo then what would she be like with other things in the coming years of our relationship.

So....am i being silly or is it normal that i feel the way i do about it?

Yes, you are being ridiculous. She's not being deceitful about it at all since she told you right away. She doesn't need your permission to get a tattoo and you'll just have to learn to accept that. What it is about her getting a tattoo that makes you so upset? Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

You're being silly. It's her body, her rights, her choice. It's like saying she can't wear a type of clothing because it's the same idea of a fashion taste.

She knows you don't like tattoos and ultimately that is what she wants. If she told you she was going to get a tattoo and you said no do you think she will change her mind? Doubt it. Like you said its her body and you don't own it.

It's hardly deceitful behavior for her to want to do something with her own body, an expression of what she likes and wants, and choosing not to tell you until its done. I understand that it bothers you because you really dislike tattoos, but just because that's how you feel, you can't expect her to agree with you on everything and almost 'ask permission' from her boyfriend.

I have a rather large tattoo on my upper back, something I got when I was younger and kind of regret and now want to get it fixed the way I truly want it which means having to get more work done, and it'll span more surface area.

My boyfriend doesn't dislike tattoos, but also doesn't like them; but he doesn't look at me with disgust, he's not mad that I have one. In fact, he loves everything about me and loves my personality, loves that I do what I want to do and do so with confidence.

You should accept your girlfriend for who she is and what she wants to do, and not demand your approval on things she does with her own body. If it really is something that gets under your skin, then leave her before you begin resenting her.

While I understand why you don't like them as others have said you can't tell her what she and cannot do with her own body. I don't think it's the fact that you don't like tattoos is what's making you upset but that you feel like that she didn't respect you. She went ahead and did something she knows would bother you. How is your relationship otherwise?

She doesnt need your permission to get a tattoo......you are overreacting.

And this doesnt mean she is going to be deceitful....unless you continue to try to control her

I would be upset too. Her desires are more important to her than yours obviously. I do and don't do many things out of love and respect for my wife that if I we single I may approach differently. If she values her right to do what she wants above all else, good luck being happy in that relationship. Of course she can do whatever she wants, but it would be nice of she cared what you thought as well.

Yes, you are being ridiculous. She's not being deceitful about it at all since she told you right away. She doesn't need your permission to get a tattoo and you'll just have to learn to accept that. What it is about her getting a tattoo that makes you so upset? Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

The fact that the social circle i come from in rural UK does not accept Tattoos. My family is very affluent and the company we keep is as well. She has effectively made herself an outcast to my family and all the people we are surrounded by. I mentioned to her months ago that it wouldnt be well received.

I can understand why you would be upset about this and I do think she should have talked to you about this first. She could have set her hearts on getting that tattoo and was not going to change her mind and thats why she thought there was no need to talk to you about it.

She doesnt need your permission to get a tattoo......you are overreacting.

 

And this doesnt mean she is going to be deceitful....unless you continue to try to control her

I didnt want her to get my permission and i would never have told her not to get it done if she really wanted it I just would of liked to have discussed it before hand, at least that way she could of got it done at a proper tattoo parlour and not one where they messed it up.

Is that too much to ask?

I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. No, you're not entitled to decide what she does with her body. However, her getting a tattoo without even letting you know in advance is disrespectful IMO and shows a lack of communication for the relationship (in addition to the fact that you've told her you don't like them in advance). I think the people in this thread are being ridiculous.

While I understand why you don't like them as others have said you can't tell her what she and cannot do with her own body. I don't think it's the fact that you don't like tattoos is what's making you upset but that you feel like that she didn't respect you. She went ahead and did something she knows would bother you. How is your relationship otherwise?

Our relationship is really good other than this which just cropped up.

I didnt want her to get my permission and i would never have told her not to get it done if she really wanted it I just would of liked to have discussed it before hand, at least that way she could of got it done at a proper tattoo parlour and not one where they messed it up.

 

Is that too much to ask?

No it's not too much to ask.

I would be upset too. Her desires are more important to her than yours obviously. I do and don't do many things out of love and respect for my wife that if I we single I may approach differently. If she values her right tomdo what she wants above all else, good luck being happy in that relationship.

How are her desires more important than his based solely on her decision to do something with her own body without 'asking permission'? Her getting a tattoo has nothing to do with him. It cannot be linked to him in any way, unlike getting an abortion behind his back or something with her own body that pertains to him as well.

Is she supposed to agree with his views to no end? My boyfriend and I disagree on some things but we respect each other's standpoints. He respects my desire to have a tattoo (I don't like too many) and I respect his desire to never get one. You're speaking of respect but only demanding it from the girlfriend, and not from the OP.

She doesn't value what she wants to do above all else, my God that is a broad and slippery statement. The situation is far simpler and more contained than that given the information.

The fact that the social circle i come from in rural UK does not accept Tattoos. My family is very affluent and the company we keep is as well. She has effectively made herself an outcast to my family and all the people we are surrounded by. I mentioned to her months ago that it wouldnt be well received.

Is it on her face for pete's sake. Otherwise, why she should care about what your community thinks is beyond me.

The fact that the social circle i come from in rural UK does not accept Tattoos. My family is very affluent and the company we keep is as well. She has effectively made herself an outcast to my family and all the people we are surrounded by. I mentioned to her months ago that it wouldnt be well received.

Well that is the crux of it. I think you are more worried about your social standing than her.

Well that is the crux of it. I think you are more worried about your social standing than her.

Its not my social standing that bothers me. I just dont want her to be judged because of it and sadly that is what will happen.

It's not too much to ask her to discuss it beforehand, but it's ridiculous to call her "deceitful" for it.

I understand you would've wanted to talk about it first, and perhaps that's something you should talk to her about. Explain to her how it made you feel that she didn't talk with you first - not to keep her from going through with it, but because you felt disrespected.

If your problem is her not discussing it first, I understand and hope she is willing to listen to you (as she should) BUT IF your problem is her tattoo, then you'd be in the wrong to hold it against her. That's my standpoint.

Perhaps you two need to work on communication. Maybe she feels you're not a very understanding person and you need to cultivate that. After all, coming on here and immediately calling her deceitful, well... I'd think twice about calling you understanding. And she needs to work on being more forthcoming.

I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. No, you're not entitled to decide what she does with her body. However, her getting a tattoo without even letting you know in advance is disrespectful IMO and shows a lack of communication for the relationship (in addition to the fact that you've told her you don't like them in advance). I think the people in this thread are being ridiculous.

Thank you. This is exactly how i feel. I would never do something so permenant to myself like that without discussing with her.

But you were willing to judge her as deceitful even if she told you what she did.

Also too if people are more concerned with the fact that someone has a tattoo than what they are like as a person I dare say I would not want those people for friends.

Perhaps you two need to work on communication. Maybe she feels you're not a very understanding person and you need to cultivate that. After all, coming on here and immediately calling her deceitful, well... I'd think twice about calling you understanding. And she needs to work on being more forthcoming.

Maybe i should elaborate. Originally when we spoke about it she told me that she was surprised i was upset because she thought i would be fine about it and thats why she didnt tell me but she later said she did it without telling me because she didnt want me to know before hand because she knew i would be upset.

But you were willing to judge her as deceitful even if she told you what she did.

 

Also too if people are more concerned with the fact that someone has a tattoo than what they are like as a person I dare say I would not want those people for friends.

I agree but sadly i cannot change my family or the 100's of people in our social circle.

Our relationship is really good other than this which just cropped up.

I would let this go then and not see it as things to come.

Then is she the right girl for you if the people you hang with only judge people superficially? You better look at that. I do not think she is a bad or evil person, she just might not be the right person for the circle you have to be in.