I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back? Is this over?

[I'mNotYourBabe]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months and we spend a lot of time together. Almost every night after work and on the weekends sometimes..and we have a good time together. While we were in bed one night I told him I was in love with him...because well I am. He didn't say it back, he hugged me and held me through the night. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I started to feel bad about it because he didn't say it back. We talked about it last night and he said he isn't there yet and that it doesn't mean he won't ever get there but he doesn't feel that way yet. He said very rarely in a relationship do two people have the same exact feeling for each other at the same exact time. I feel weird now, like maybe I shouldn't have said anything, that I shouldn't have told him I love him. I have been reading online that women shouldn't say I love you first..men should because now the relationship is not even and one person has more power and that the woman should wait until the man professes his love...

Does this mean our relationship isn't going good?

[DN]

No, it doesn't mean it's over and the people who say women shouldn't say it first are wrong. Hang in there.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with DN.

And I don't think you should feel bad. You have been together 6 months, you say. That's a perfectly reasonable time to feel that and say that. You were honest about your feelings, and I think that is awesome.

Your bf was honest with you too. It may have not been what you wanted to hear, and that is very understandable, but I think it is pretty cool that he was honest with you at the risk of upsetting you or other things. Some people would have just said it, even if they didn't feel it.

Do you feel the relationship is good over all?

Then it becomes a matter of how long you feel is ok for you to be in this relationship without your bf feeling he is in love with you. That is up to you.

I think at 6 months it would have been foolish to just sit and wait and hope to hear it from the man. Better to know how he feels and to put your cards out there at that point, otherwise what kind of relationship is it anyways?

[Sparkly Eyes]

Do you know when he said that in his last relationships?

I couldn't say your relationship is going without knowing his type of personality. If I were you tho, I would act a little more casual now.

[I'mNotYourBabe]

He said it varied with each relationship, he said when we first started dating that he usually doesn't say it before a year....I guess I thought I was different or that we were getting along really well. Last night he said he cared about me a lot. I asked him if we were moving too fast and he said no but he did not expect me to day I LOVE YOU when I did. I thought maybe he is just not that into me. I mean I don't know how long I should wait for him to say it and I don't want to "act" any certain way like casual...I want to be who I am in this relationship and be myself. I don't like acting a certain way...if I can't be myself I would rather not be in a relationship at all.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Well, Are you gonna tell him you love him again and not hear it back?! Wouldn't that be being yourself?

[I'mNotYourBabe]

Well thats sorta why I was asking is this over? I don't even know how this works because in the past my boyfriends would say it right away. I don't know whats good or bad...I was trying to get some insight from you guys, from your experience.

[Case_1983]

How has his behaviour been after that night? The same? better? Has he been more distant? Does he ask you to come spend the night at his house or is it you that initiates it?

[I'mNotYourBabe]

Everything has been the same since I said it. Sorta better I guess. He calls me he spends time with me all that.

[Case_1983]

I would give it another 6 months.. i wouldnt say it again until he says it. I was in a relatiosnhip for 3.5 years when i was 21-24. I was worried after 1.5 years when he hadnt said i love you. I sat him one day and pretty much forced him to talk about his feelings, said i thought he didnt feel the same as me and then he finally said it. Im quite sure he said it to shut me up. After that it was easy for him to say, like saying Bless you when i sneezed.. lol
In the end i broke up with him because i always had the feeling his heart wasnt in it. Though he stayed with me...