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Thread: FWB with an Older Woman

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adonis_boy View Post
    I met this woman who is 20 years older than me on Facebook. (I am 20.) We messaged back and forth and I discovered that she lives at a city I visit regularly every summer. I told her this and she said "We can hang out together and discover some new places! =)".

    I haven't replied to her yet. I do not know if her message implies something more than hanging out but I would like to make known that what I want is more than just hanging out, basically a fwb type of relationship. How can I test the waters without directly asking her and scaring her away? Should I do this on Facebook or wait for the moment until we hang out? What are your ideas?
    I would wait until you meet. You will likely scare her off if you start with that on the phone. Most likely she is telling herself you will just meet and tour the town. If she likes the way you look and smell in person, you're in! It's so simple, just don't blow it by saying something on the phone or in e-mail about sex if you WANT sex.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Blue Spiral's Avatar
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    In my experience, older (not old!) women tend to be more direct. When they've told me they wanted to hang out, they meant they wanted to have sex.

    I wouldn't suggest verbalizing it--let the subtext remain subtext. Just see what happens.
    “Never give up control. Live life on your own terms.”--Walter White, Breaking Bad

    I have a journal, now!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    She wouldn't want to tell you she wants sex because right now she doesn't know. All women want sex, but she can't choose to feel chemistry. It may happen and may not.

  4. #14
    Gold Member surfNski's Avatar
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    I dont know this woman and really either do you. She may want to get something going with you but she also may just want to flirt and have some company. I have known a few women who use the fact that you want to get them into bed to just have some fun company.
    Either way direct approach...bad idea.
    "20 years from now, you will be more disappointed in the things you didn’t do than in the ones you did do." - Mark Twain


    "So many cats, so few recipes" - Vietnamese lunch wagon I saw driving down the road.

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  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odysseus View Post
    Two approaches:
    1) Just come out and tell her what you are looking for
    2) go into standard flirting mode, and work your way up to it

    I'd suggest #2 has a better chance of success than #1, but it depends on the woman. How long have you been exchanging messages with her?
    Well, it has been like a week and it has been a total of 6 messages back and forth. It all started when I messaged her requesting her profile pic that I liked (which is not a pic of herself but a random pic from internet). She was very gentle and eager to send it to me and she sent some more I might be interested in. Then I sent her some I have. I added her as a friend and I had the chance to see real her. Then it came to the topic where we are at now.

  7. #16
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    Would you be interested in meeting her if all she wants is to make a new friend, no romance?

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 View Post
    Would you be interested in meeting her if all she wants is to make a new friend, no romance?
    To be honest, my priority here is enjoying sex since it will be a totally new experience for me and I would like to see my chances it if it is there. If this is not she wants, then I see no reason in not being friends with her.

    However, if she wants a long-term relationship, it's a no-no. I will be visiting her city only once in a year and I can't seem to find a logical purpose in pursuing a LDR with this lady when I will be starting my masters education in another country, in a few months. This is a decision I have set in my mind for all the women I will be seeing before going for study abroad, not only her.

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by adonis_boy View Post
    To be honest, my priority here is enjoying sex since it will be a totally new experience for me and I would like to see my chances it if it is there. If this is not she wants, then I see no reason in not being friends with her.

    However, if she wants a long-term relationship, it's a no-no. I will be visiting her city only once in a year and I can't seem to find a logical purpose in pursuing a LDR with this lady when I will be starting my masters education in another country, in a few months. This is a decision I have set in my mind for all the women I will be seeing before going for study abroad, not only her.
    So, you would be interested in being friends but if she definitely is just looking for a friendship it would be a waste of your time to meet her, right? Then I would be honest with her about your intentions so that you dont' waste her time. And, of course, discuss with her what she would do if a pregnancy resulted (even if you use protection), since it sounds like you want to be able to have a quick fling with her, no strings attached.

  10. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 View Post
    So, you would be interested in being friends but if she definitely is just looking for a friendship it would be a waste of your time to meet her, right? Then I would be honest with her about your intentions so that you dont' waste her time. And, of course, discuss with her what she would do if a pregnancy resulted (even if you use protection), since it sounds like you want to be able to have a quick fling with her, no strings attached.
    So you are saying that I should directly ask her "Do you want to have sex with me?", did I get it right?

  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by adonis_boy View Post
    So you are saying that I should directly ask her "Do you want to have sex with me?", did I get it right?
    I think you can convey the same message by saying something like "I'm really interested in meeting you and hanging out with you but I'm really not looking to make new friends or to find a serious girlfriend -- I'm hoping we can meet up, have some fun, and go with the flow"

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