FWB with an Older Woman

[Miss Firecracker]

She asks me when I will be arriving so that she can start making plans on where to meet. I don't know, why would a woman do plans for a guy who is 20 years younger than her? Just to be friends? I mean, it sounds odd to me but all people are different. Maybe it's because I have never been in this situation before.

 

Why? Are you seriously wondering WHY?

 

The woman is horny, that's why.

[Miss Firecracker]

She messaged me telling we are going to have fun so it sounds good, right?

 

Just don't take a lot of cash with you. In fact, don't take your wallet at all.

[Paulhasitall]

Generally when you have a person that much older then you her motives may not be that of Maid Marion. She could be in dire financial straights looking for a place to land or going to try and run a financial Con on you etc. I would meet her in a highly public place like an Applebys or a Fridays. Offer her a choice between the two. No bars or private places.

[Batya33]

No, she is not fake. She has all real photos and albums of her uploaded on Facebook and she has her friends and her commenting under them about the events. She even has a newspaper article about her saving a client's life, by calling the ambulance when he has a heart attack, while talking to her on the phone.

 

She messaged me telling we are going to have fun so it sounds good, right?

 

Right. It doesn't mean that that is the person using the account.

[Miss Firecracker]

I got a message from a Facebook friend. Opened the attachment and a Trojan attacked my computer. People have their accounts hacked all the time now. Currently there are hackers taking over accounts and stealing poker wins and such. I know someone on a forum that had her information stolen. Don't trust anyone on Facebook.

[adonis_boy]

I got a message from a Facebook friend. Opened the attachment and a Trojan attacked my computer. People have their accounts hacked all the time now. Currently there are hackers taking over accounts and stealing poker wins and such. I know someone on a forum that had her information stolen. Don't trust anyone on Facebook.

 

Well ok, you are trying to warn me that she might not be who she seems but she has sent me the pictures I liked via her e-mail, which is email removed. Can it be a coincidence?

[Miss Firecracker]

Well ok, you are trying to warn me that she might not be who she seems but she has sent me the pictures I liked via her e-mail, which is email removed. Can it be a coincidence?

 

It's highly likely she is who she says she is. Even if it is her photo and information, she may be a shady person. Just meet her and see, but I certainly wouldn't go off with her to a hotel or something. You really never know what someone's motives are.

[adonis_boy]

It's highly likely she is who she says she is. Even if it is her photo and information, she may be a shady person. Just meet her and see, but I certainly wouldn't go off with her to a hotel or something. You really never know what someone's motives are.

 

I appreciate your advice. I will first meet her at a public place, have some conversation and then see where it leads. It will most probably lead me to her place if she is horny though. :splat:

[Miss Firecracker]

I appreciate your advice. I will first meet her at a public place, have some conversation and then see where it leads. It will most probably lead me to her place if she is horny though.

 

Just don't do anything I wouldn't do.

 

Give us an update after you meet her. Hope it turns out safe and pleasant.

[adonis_boy]

Erm, she has sent me an e-mail with cute pictures from internet, congratulating my graduation. Does a woman who just want sex spend their time compiling cute photos from the internet just to send them to the young guy? Is she planning to make this sex cuter?

[Batya33]

Erm, she has sent me an e-mail with cute pictures from internet, congratulating my graduation. Does a woman who just want sex spend their time compiling cute photos from the internet just to send them to the young guy? Is she planning to make this sex cuter?

 

Sure, why not - don't you know of many people who spend lots of time, effort, money, seducing someone else into having sex with them? And maybe sex is her primary focus but she can't enjoy it with a total stranger, so she is trying to get to know you (or telling herself that she is trying to get to know you).

 

I also would be careful about safety - meet her in a public place and don't go to her house because you have no idea who else will be there or who else will come over.

[anggrace]

I would not tell her you're not interested in a friendship as was suggested. Just my opinion, but even if all she wants is sex, telling her you're not interested in a friendship could come accross as insulting. If you weren't interested in even a casual friendship, most women wouldn't want to have sex with you. By casual, I mean the slightest bit interested in their likes/dislikes, knowing about her, etc. That doesn't mean you have to be best buds or anything.

 

At the same time, honesty is very important. You don't want to mislead her. If you don't have the slightest interest in anything about her other than sex, don't pretend like you do. You don't even have to say it. Let your actions say it.

[adonis_boy]

I would not tell her you're not interested in a friendship as was suggested. Just my opinion, but even if all she wants is sex, telling her you're not interested in a friendship could come accross as insulting. If you weren't interested in even a casual friendship, most women wouldn't want to have sex with you. By casual, I mean the slightest bit interested in their likes/dislikes, knowing about her, etc. That doesn't mean you have to be best buds or anything.

 

At the same time, honesty is very important. You don't want to mislead her. If you don't have the slightest interest in anything about her other than sex, don't pretend like you do. You don't even have to say it. Let your actions say it.

 

I should agree. Telling her I am only interested in the sex part would make her think that I am only using her for her body, which is insulting and contradicts with the profile she is putting me in through Facebook and our chat. It is also against my moral values. Hence, I am not looking for a prostitute. I just want to have some casual experience with a woman without any strings attached.

 

I also would like to get to know her before because I think it might add a meaning to the sex following afterwards. My plan is to meet her, get to know her in person and see if she is wanting the same thing. If she is not, I won't be seeing her again. I will only be staying there for a month, so not seeing her again won't be that difficult.

[Miss Firecracker]

Erm, she has sent me an e-mail with cute pictures from internet, congratulating my graduation. Does a woman who just want sex spend their time compiling cute photos from the internet just to send them to the young guy? Is she planning to make this sex cuter?

 

She is trying to sell herself to you. It's like when you post a car for sale on Craigslist. You post one photo at first. Then when someone replies and you know they are interested, you send them 10 more to make them drool.

[Batya33]

I should agree. Telling her I am only interested in the sex part would make her think that I am only using her for her body, which is insulting and contradicts with the profile she is putting me in through Facebook and our chat. It is also against my moral values. Hence, I am not looking for a prostitute. I just want to have some casual experience with a woman without any strings attached.

 

I also would like to get to know her before because I think it might add a meaning to the sex following afterwards. My plan is to meet her, get to know her in person and see if she is wanting the same thing. If she is not, I won't be seeing her again. I will only be staying there for a month, so not seeing her again won't be that difficult.

 

Well, no it is not against your moral values because you are only interested in her if she wants to have intercourse with you and you are only interested in getting to know her as a person because it will enhance your sexual pleasure, and you are affirmatively not interested in getitng to know her if she doesn't want to have sex with you. So, sure, it's fine to finesse it in what you say to her and of course you don't want her to think you want to pay her to have intercourse with you but I don't see that your values in this situation are consistent with someone who wants to get to know someone as a person for its own merit - it's because you want to have sex and it's for the purpose of enhancing that experience and for no other reason.

[adonis_boy]

Well, no it is not against your moral values because you are only interested in her if she wants to have intercourse with you and you are only interested in getting to know her as a person because it will enhance your sexual pleasure, and you are affirmatively not interested in getitng to know her if she doesn't want to have sex with you. So, sure, it's fine to finesse it in what you say to her and of course you don't want her to think you want to pay her to have intercourse with you but I don't see that your values in this situation are consistent with someone who wants to get to know someone as a person for its own merit - it's because you want to have sex and it's for the purpose of enhancing that experience and for no other reason.

 

I want to have sex with her if only she wants to have sex with me so both sides will be beneficial. She gets what she wants and I get what I want and we do it with our own will so there is not a problem with morality. If she would be looking for a relationship or a friendship and I would be misleading her or forcing her to only have sex in the end, I would be using her for her body and that would relate to my moral values. That is what I was trying to explain. I do not know what your moral values are, every person has a different one.

[adonis_boy]

I write to her: "Those pics did not satisfy me. I hope you have good plans for me when I get there! "

 

and her reply is:

 

"Of course I can make one but you have to tell me: What do you like to do? Where would you like to go? What are your expectations? I need to get some details, otherwise I can make this the worst holiday of your life. Don't tell anyone but I am a witch!

 

Does this sound friendly to you? I would like to reply in such a way that:

1. My reply won't mislead her and give her the thought of I only want to hang out. It will be obvious in a way that does not insult her as we have discussed in our previous posts.

2. If she is after sex and is trying to test the waters with me, what I tell her will not discourage her and make her think that I am after a friendship.

 

I would like to hear your advice. I was expecting to see what to do when we meet but this direct question from her caught me off guard.

[Batya33]

I want to have sex with her if only she wants to have sex with me so both sides will be beneficial. She gets what she wants and I get what I want and we do it with our own will so there is not a problem with morality. If she would be looking for a relationship or a friendship and I would be misleading her or forcing her to only have sex in the end, I would be using her for her body and that would relate to my moral values. That is what I was trying to explain. I do not know what your moral values are, every person has a different one.

 

My point was that you claimed to want to get to know her before having sex with her as part of your "moral values" but it sounds like your goal is to get to know her to enhance your own sexual pleasure (or to be able to get pleasure) - so that is not a "moral value" - that is simply thinking in your own best interests, sexually.

 

It sounds like she is not going to tell you directly what her expectations are - I would make sure she understands where you are coming from - that you are hoping to see if there is sexual chemistry so that you two can have fun together. Again, no need to be crass but you do need to be direct if as you say you don't want to mislead her.

[adonis_boy]

I replied to her e-mail asking my expectations with a closed form expression. I told her that I am expecting to meet her, chat, have a good time, go see some places and if there is chemistry and she has the same expectations, we might take things further and have a good experience without strings attached. I hope she gets the message.

[adonis_boy]

I got my reply. Here it is:

 

"Hi! In fact, I was very surprised at what you wrote. With asking your expectations, I entirely meant your expectations out of the holiday and how I can help you spend a good time. I have never looked at it that way until you told me so. I replied to your mails sincerely, thinking of you as a friend coming to İzmir for holiday. I don't think I gave the wrong impression. I rather like to talk about these things face to face instead of a biased opinion from e-mails. Actually, there is not much I can tell you about the experience things you mentioned. When you visit, I will help you spend a good time with all my effort.

 

I guess I answered very seriously Anyway, you come here and we can talk more... Because you left all the plan to me, a bad holiday awaits you! =)"

 

From her message, I can see that her intentions are purely friendly. However, I always believe that actions speed louder than words. I take her words for granted but I also realize that she is leaving an open door by still welcoming me, knowing my intentions and expectations. Maybe she has never thought about it but I might have planted the seeds in her mind, making her think about it until she sees me and also after she meets me in person. I am still willing to give it a try. (I am aware that what I am writing here might sound desperate/like a loser's diary but this is a whole new exciting experience for me and I want to live it for once in my life.)

 

I would like to take your opinions on this. A female point of view might also help greatly.

[Batya33]

I think that there is a minor possibility that if she is attracted to you she might be interested in being physically affectionate but I think it would be very,very surprising if she would be interested in having sex with you when you two meet.

[Miss Firecracker]

She just doesn't want to have a sex talk on her computer, that's what she means. I think it's cute because anyone can read between the lines. lol

[adonis_boy]

I think that there is a minor possibility that if she is attracted to you she might be interested in being physically affectionate but I think it would be very,very surprising if she would be interested in having sex with you when you two meet.

 

May I ask why?

[Batya33]

May I ask why?

 

That's my opinion on what she wrote to you in response to your suggestion that you wanted to see if there was a sexual connection as well as friendship.

[MalibuOne]

I think that there is a minor possibility that if she is attracted to you she might be interested in being physically affectionate but I think it would be very,very surprising if she would be interested in having sex with you when you two meet.

 

I don't often disagree with Batya, but this time I do. This woman is going through some personal effort to plan a visit with a man many years her junior. Having been approached numerous times online by younger men with goals similar to OP's, I just don't think it's likely that she's interested in a platonic visit. She is being discreet, I think. Maybe this is the first time she's considered being with a man so much younger and she's having a hard time in her own mind. I know I would.