blink_guy Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 sooo its pretty much in the same situation as thsi post... but the thing is im really starting to fall for her. sally's best friends kidna upset with her because she broke up with the guy and she wants them back together but sally doesnt want to be with him. so sally and i have been hanging out and talking quite a bit. shes been pourin her self out to me lots and her and i have really been gettin closer to each other. a buunch of us are hanging out for my birthday party tomroow and i was wondering if i should talk to her at all?? Link to comment
Bethany Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Talk to her by all means but as friends with some emotional distance. Give her (and him) some time to recover. If she likes you back, she will thank you for it in the long run. If you don't you risk getting used as a rebound or her saying that you took advantage of her when she was down and vulnerable.....Not good as I'm sure you'll agree. Link to comment
BManMcFly Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 If you want this girl, you gotta stop being her emotional tampon. There's no faster way to the friendzone than to be that nice caring guy that she can tell all her problems too... if she wants to spill it all out, tell her to get one of her gf's, that you'd rather talk about other things. If you keep on being the guy that she spills herself to, then you'll be scratching your head when you eventually go to kiss her and she says 'but I don't wanna ruin our friendship' or she'll start telling you about the next guy that she's dating. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 hmm i never thought of that... but the thing is with her ex when she told her that he liked ehr she said that she wanted to be closer friends first so they ended up not going out for another month and they were just friends...is that a little different than my case? Link to comment
BManMcFly Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Know that what women SAY about relationships, is NOT what women actually do. There are 2 dynamics that go on... the lover and provider (I'll keep it short) The provider is a stable guy that'll be good to raise children. The lover is the unpredictable, mysterious, usually dangerous guys that would provide sexy babies. The lover sleeps with alot of women and makes lots of babies for the womans providers to raise. The question you have to ask is, where do I fit in this, and where would I want to fit in this. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 well enither sound very good if its just one i dont think. isnt it better to be a mixture between the 2 of them??because you dont want to be someone that they get bored of but you also dont want to be someone they cant trust am i right? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 well enither sound very good if its just one i dont think. isnt it better to be a mixture between the 2 of them??because you dont want to be someone that they get bored of but you also dont want to be someone they cant trust am i right? you want them to trust you. Link to comment
BManMcFly Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Whether the girl trusts you or not is IRRELEVANT IF the girl is attracted to you enough. I mean, I dated a girl a few years back, that I cheated on, I told this girl about it she took off, and WITHIN A WEEK she comes crawling back to ME begging me to try and make things work that she didn't care about me cheating on her, that she just wanted to be with me. Could she trust me?? HELL NO! I'd flirt with other girls in front of her, and at most she'd glare at the girl to give her a hint that I was taken... What did I do? I cheated on this girl another 5 times, and another 5 times she left for a few days to a week, and 5 times comes back to me. That's why I say trust is irrelevant if a girl is attracted to you enough... This is an extreme example, but it's just to illustrate the point. Also, blinik, let me add to what I was saying before : If a woman (this is subconsciously) classes you as a provider that she is interested in, she'll do certain things to test that... things like, seeing if you'll buy her things, see how controllable/ stable you are, and also she'll hold out on sex. Where on the other hand, a lover either by design or by intent pushes those 'attraction' buttons in a woman, she will act very different... she'll test to make sure that you're not faking being a lover, she will allow things to escalate VERY fast, she also won't hold out on sex (except for a token resistance ie 'maybe we shouldn't', 'but we just met', 'I don't just wanna be a one night stand')... oh ya, these girls will often forget about boyfriends as well around this guy. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 If a oh ya, these girls will often forget about boyfriends as well around this guy. i dont quiet understand that one aprt. how to i become the lover rather than the provider?? Link to comment
BManMcFly Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 i dont quiet understand that one aprt. how to i become the lover rather than the provider?? I mean, start talking to a girl, make out with her, and start crying on the way back to her place 'I feel so bad, because I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.' (aka 'I wish my boyfriend would make me want it this bad') There is not a simple answer to this one... I mean you can take 2 twin guys, they are both good looking. One of them is a cool guy, he's talkative, confident, but there's something about him that's just a little bit off... and then the other guy that really gets what's going on, would just have that extra little something about him that makes him stick out, and people in general will be more attracted to him. So, it comes down to figuring out those small little tweaks to your personality that would bring out your more attractive side. Let me clarify, there is a difference between attractive and attraction. Attractive is about looks, where attraction is an emotion that draws a person to the source of that attraction. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 wait... i dont wana b the type of person that makes out wit a girl thats got a bf...that to me doesnt really defined as a lvoer but more of a scumbag... Link to comment
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