so messed up.....

[Vanesa]

allie,

 

really it is unbelievable that he would lie to you for ten years. With my H he pretends that he is not doing anything with the OW, I know for a fact that he sees her and sends her text messages all the time. I have copies of his cel phone bills, and even know the password to his cel phone and can see all of the text messgaes. He doesn;t know that I know all of this because i want to see hw long he will lie for and all the stories he comes up with, it's shocking, and has the nerve to look me in the eye and lie, lie, lie. What kind of person can do this. I understand there are times when one has to lie to protect another person, but not this. I mean this is cruel and just simply wrong, and proves that he has no respect for me. I can't understand why he would want to continue pretending as our marriage has come to an end. We barely speak, and there is really nothing to look forward to just an awful exsitence. I hate waking up in the morning and am so depressed by the end of the day. Every day is a lie. The OW even went so far as to claim that I am the one that is holding on to him and trying to take him for everything that he has because I haven;t left him, and in reality I have asked him to leave several times, and he won't. I mean the nerve of this OW to even feel that she has a right to say something. She hasn;t left her husband, look who is milking their husband. The whole think really makes me sick. I am still in denial that someone can be capable of such things.

[Hope75]

Vanesa,

 

It's really unhealthy that you are still living with him. It's eroding your self confidence and ablity to enjoy life right now.

 

I know you don't want to leave your house....but I wonder how much of this is stubborn pride now (trying to get him to leave first) rather than doing what is best for you emotionally and psychologically. Because if you were doing what was best for you it would be moving out until the divorce is settled and the property can be devided.

 

Why put yourself through this?

[CallingAllAngels]

Vanessa...

 

Gurl...we are sisters!

 

My husband's affair was BEFORE the big "cell phone" area, BUT, I had access to his email, so, I could read his emails...there was NEVER anything "definite", just "suggestive"...probably because they were at work, but ABSOLUTELY something that 2 married people should NOT be engaging in.

 

I printed them all. Still have them. The straw that broke the camel's back WAS a very sexually explicit one I found in 1999 that I printed out and showed him in 1999...he DENIED that it was ANYTHING other than "JUST INNOCENT FLIRTING"...SWORE IT...I told him to "get out of the house" and he sais he was going to tell her to NEVER l contact him again. And he did.

 

I KNOW THAT MUCH TO BE TRUE, because the going out stopped...again, we worked for the same company, and I would look out the window on break/lunch time like a spy. Yes, she might BE there, but the husband would stay as FAR away from her as possible. She would stare at him. He would not even look at her. I was satified that, "whatever it was" was over. Then she took the job transfer to another city shorty there after.

 

But it matters not.

 

Because he lied for TEN years. In December, in the middle of a heated fight, he blurted out, "yeah, I did have an affair...." after looking at my 10,000 over the past 10 years (BULIEVE ME, I NEVER LET THIS GO...I ALWAYS HAD A GUT FEELING) saying "Allie....no...I never touched her, I never so much as kissed her, ok? You are the ONLY woman I have EVER loved...." B**lSh*t.

 

The best advice I can give to ANY man or woman out there is this: TRUST YOUR GUT...if you THINK they are cheating, they probably are. MY GUT has NEVER been wrong. I wish I had listened to it 10 years ago. I would have lived my life so much differently. But I can't get those 10 years back.

[Vanesa]

allie,

 

you are right. My gut has been telling me since day one he started with this oW that something was up. He denied it so many times, and even told me I was jealous amd making it all up. If I think about all of the lies, and how he tried to turn it around on me, I am in total shock. I can;t believe a word he says. I try to ignore him now for my own sanity, and he tries to be nices to me. He still insists that he is not sleeping with her and only talks to her once in awhile and claims that he cannot just break it off and tell her to off. He said that she loves him, and never meant to hurt either once of us. But still claims that he doesn;t see her or talk to her often. He is such a liar. I have seen text message that say to meet at a certain place, and now have access to his phone bills, and can see how often he calls her. He was away on business a few weeks ago in the USA, and told me he didn;t want to call me becasue of the high roaming charges, but now that I see his cel# bill he called the OW every day. his whole life is a lie. I keep making smart as* remarks basically tellling him I know he is full of it, and he still trys to lie. I just don;t understand what he is up to. The OW is marries as well, but has not left her husband. What is she waiting for. I guess she is waiting for my H to leave me, which would be great, I have asked him to leave, and he won't. How screwd up is that????

[CallingAllAngels]

Oh Vanessa...I have SO "been there and done that"..OMG...I have been given and BELIEVED the SAME stories myself. I have a feeling I am older than you are...do you mind telling me how old you are? I'm 40...

[Vanesa]

Hi Allie,

 

I am 36. We are close in age. I guess the reason i am so upset is because I am in the middle of my life wanting a family, and he has ruined it for me. Now I have to start oveer, and the question is wil I find that person to have a family with. Will i be able to trust another man???? Will it be too late for me?

[Hope75]

Vanesa,

 

You still have a number of good years left to have a family should the right guy come along.

 

I can understand why you feel angry and betrayed, your ex treated you very poorly. But the good news is the sooner you get things moving along and get away from him, the sooner you can start over.

 

What are you waiting for?

[CallingAllAngels]

Hi Allie,

 

I am 36. We are close in age. I guess the reason i am so upset is because I am in the middle of my life wanting a family, and he has ruined it for me. Now I have to start oveer, and the question is wil I find that person to have a family with. Will i be able to trust another man???? Will it be too late for me?

 

Vanesa....

 

No sweetie, he has NOT ruined it for you.

 

HE does NOT DESERVE YOU. YOU have to start believing that.

 

I just found out some additional DEVASTATING news about my husband that sent me spiralling to the floor, and that is why I have been away.

 

My husband, on Sunday, admitted to me, that on 2 separate occasions, he has met 2 woman from the internet. Both complete strangers. Both times I was out of town.

 

Both times he met them at a local bar.

 

The first one, they went inside and had a drink. Then they went outside to her car. In her car they had both oral sex and sexual intercourse. She brought a condom for him to wear. He did not know her name.

 

The next time, I was also out of town. Same deal. A woman off the internet. Complete stranger. Same bar. This time, however, they did not bother to go inside the bar. She had a van. They went inside her van. They had oral sex, and then sexual intercouse, WITHOUT A CONDOM. NO PROTECTION.

 

I AM SPEECHLESS. SICK TO MY STOMACH. He did not know her name either. Never saw them before or again. I have been hysterical since.

 

This makes his original "affair" look like child's play to me.

 

I spent the day yesterday getting all kinds of tests....HIV, Hepatitus, HPV, STD's, God only knows what I have.

 

Can you ever trust another man again?

 

That I can't answer, because, I highly doubt I will.

 

Allie

[Vanesa]

Alllie,

 

have you left him? My god what is wrong with your H. Not like mine is a saint, but without protection and a stranger??? I'm so sorry, I would be freaking too. Please do not have intercourse with him again. He is risking your life...My H tells me he choose to be with the OW because she was married and has not slept with anyone else except her husband, and thought that it would be safer that way. Do I know if he used a condom, NO, he claims he has, and the best part is that he claims they never had oral sex, out of respect for the spouses, what a bunch of BS. Respect, he doesn;t even know what that word means.

 

It is so sicking to hear what some men are doing, and that we have spent so much time with our husbands and respected them, and endured and tried for so many years, and this is how we are rewarded. I have given myself to my husband 100%, and feel that no one will ever know me this way again. How could I open myslef to another man again after all of the lies that my H told me and is caplable of, who callims he still loves me.. This is so twisted!

I wouldn't treat someone I didn;t like this way, nevermind a spouse.

 

I have asked him to leave now several times and he won't, and now he is trying to be nicer to me. He claims that it is over with the OW, and is only in contact with her from time to time to see how she is doing. I told him I don;t believe it and asked him to prove it. I asked him to show me his last cel phone bill, which he said he would, ofcourse he doesn;t know that I already saw it and could see that he is in contact with her almost daily. I am so tired of this, and I still can;t let go.

 

i don;t think that I can trust another man again, at least not for a long time. That is why I say that he has ruined my life. If I separated today, and had to start over, it would take many years to try and get to know someone well enough to trust them, and I'm sure the next guy won't put up with all of my questions, and mistrust because I won;t be able to trust anyone for a long time. And then what, maybe in ten years I will let my guard down and then I will be too old to have a family.

[CallingAllAngels]

Vanesa...

 

I left my Husband on January 1, 2007, when he claimed that he had an "affair" in 1999 with a woman he worked with...claimed he did "everything but" sleep with her. I did not believe him. The story kept changing. THIS Saturday, SIX MONTHS LATER, he admitted they got a motel room, and yes, they had both oral and regular sex, no condom.

 

Then, SUNDAY, ONLY because I told him I had been to the Dr. and had an STD, and the Dr. need to know the number of woman he has had unprotected sexual intercourse with, and the last time it was, as this was a "serious STD", did he fess up to meeting these other married woman via the internet, and just screwing them in the parking lot of a bar...one brought a comdon for him to wear, the other did not.

 

I am trying to "picture" this in my head. He said the first one had a car...they had oral sex, and then she got on top of him for sex.

 

The 2nd one had a Van...so it was easier. She did NOT have a condom, so they had unprotected sex.

 

He did NOT know either of their names, and they did not know his.

 

He never saw them before in his life...knows NOTHING about them

 

I have NOT been able to eat or sleep since.

 

YOU and I BOTH DESERVE BETTER.

 

DO NOT STAY WITH YOU HUBSBAND....AND CERTAINLY, DO NOT BRING A CHILD INTO THIS MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!

 

I understand the "wanting a child." I did to....but I did not have one. If my husband has not "killed" me with HIV, there is still time...I am only 40...women are having children well into their late 40's.

 

Vanesa....feel free to email me privately...YOU deserve better. I think I am a little further a head than you are.

 

My husand asked me to come back and live with him as "friends", because he loves me SOOOO much and he can't stand the thought of losing me. He says he's willing to give up sex forever. What a joke.

 

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than EVER see that man again.

 

Write me....

 

Allie

[CallingAllAngels]

Vanesa....are you still around?????