Did he end things with me...in the name of God?

[amy99roo]

Need a little help understanding what happened!

 

Started seeing someone a little over two weeks ago. I have been acquainted with this guy for over ten years. We have been out a few times and spoke on the phone every day or every other day (he would call me). We went out on Friday and had a great time. After our date he asked whether or not I wanted to come back to his place (things got physical fairly quickly between us). I told him I would if he wanted me to (he had mentioned he was tired earlier in our date).

 

Things got funny here. He started talking about how he didn't know if he could raise children with someone who didn't believe in god (we briefly talked about religion) and that things happened very quickly between us and he has started relationships with people in the past where he got caught up in the emotions before getting to know the person. He told me my biological clock was ticking (Huh?). He told me he was attracted to me and was just worried if things would work. I asked him if he wanted to slow things down and told him I would be okay with 'whatever happened happened'. He wanted to slow things down. He then continued on to give me reasons as to why things might not work (distance, I might hear bad things from other people about him, etc. etc.). I told him I had been throught the limbo in a previous relationship and told him I was not willing to be confused again; asked him what he was trying to tell me. I asked if I was wasting my time (looking for a concrete yes or no from him because it sounded to me he was looking for excuses to 'end' things) and he said he didn't know. He said he always thought God would bring him the one. I responded with 'how can you know whether or not I'm the one in 2 weeks'. He said he knows in the first second...I asked him what he knew about me. Response: He told me he thought God had brought him a wonderful woman and that she didn't believe in God but did believe in religion and that God had brought me to him to show me 'the path'.

 

Okay, that entire conversation kind of freaked me out but that response floored me. This was in no way what I expected from him. Normally I would run at this point but I do like this guy and would like to discuss these things with him. I am not religious but am open to it (although not to being shown 'the path'). I left him a voicemail Monday night telling him I respect his beliefs and him and that those things are important to me as well. I told him I'd like to discuss these things if he was willing and I hoped to hear from him again. I have not spoken with him since Friday. I have not heard a peep.

 

What happened here?

[vdt]

I think he might wanna end things with you because you do not believe in GOD. You gotta know every devout christian or catholic would do everything they can to get you to follow their belief. I dont know , but it sounds to me that he is in love with his religion more than he is with you. For me, if love is not strong enough to even surpass religion then what will ? besides, you want to take things slow because of the scars u got from previous relationship, i would say follow your heart. it needs time to heal. And him saying his clock is ticking is just tacky.

[amy99roo]

it sounds to me that he is in love with his religion more than he is with you. For me, if love is not strong enough to even surpass religion then what will ?

 

Love is not an issue yet...it's only been a couple of weeks. I thought this was a pretty intense conversation for two weeks!

[amy99roo]

And him saying his clock is ticking is just tacky.

 

He said that MY clock was ticking (I'm only 26!)

[Jayar]

He said that MY clock was ticking (I'm only 26!)

 

That's even worse! LOL... Your clock is none of anyone's business but yours!

 

I dunno, sounds like he wanted to end it and was looking for any excuse that had nothing to do with "I am not into you anymore". What I see in your post is a bunch of ways he's telling you that you are NOT the one, he DOESN'T see himself with you, and he decided that very early on. In fact it should make it worse he seems to have known you weren't the one from the first second, yet STILL brought you into a physical relationship, which he HAD to know would hurt you.

 

Anyway, I'd say that he's probably not worth another thought.

[ghost69]

well, if he knows in the first second, why is he questioning 2 weeks later? this guy makes no sense. plus, he said your clock is ticking and he is worried about raising kids. i think he thinks his clock is ticking and he is running out of time. he doesn't believe in gosh but gosh has brought him a woman? wth? you see any marbles on the floor when he was saying this? cause he lost them. i'd be out if some chick started talking to me like this.

 

i've heard the 'it's not you it's me' line is the worst to tell women cause it still doesn't tell them WHY you are breaking up. but the gosh excuse? this is so crazy and fake sounding.

 

get out. NC, unless he calls you back. can you see yourself down the road with this guy? "gosh said we should have 6 kids and buy a boat." lol nuts

[shes2smart]

Sounds to me he hasn't taken the time to figure out what he wants and is (I'll be charitable...) confused.

 

I'm of the opinion that people should have at least a basic idea of what they're looking for before they jump into the dating pool. I'm talkin' very general ideas -- are ya looking just to date? are ya looking for a serious relationship? are ya lookin' for 3 weeks without a future? are ya lookin' for a spouse? If you don't have the slightest notion of what you want, you're only gonna confuse people and waste your time and the time of anyone else you encounter.

 

If it was me, I sure as heck wouldn't allow him to waste MY time while he tried to figure out what HE wanted.

 

As for this:

Response: He told me he thought God had brought him a wonderful woman and that she didn't believe in God but did believe in religion and that God had brought me to him to show me 'the path'.

 

Unless you were lookin' for date and savior all in one, I'd be movin' along.

[amtjrtcet]

Love is not an issue yet...it's only been a couple of weeks. I thought this was a pretty intense conversation for two weeks!

 

I agree, it was an intense convo for the first two wks in dating. But....personally, being a Christian, I wouldn't continue dating someone if I knew they didn't believe in GOD. I want to settle down with someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do. Not necessarily same denomination, but someone who does believe in GOD. That's what's important to me. So, I guess I can see where he'd be concerned that things wouldn't work out if that's something that is important to him.

[amy99roo]

I agree, it was an intense convo for the first two wks in dating. But....personally, being a Christian, I wouldn't continue dating someone if I knew they didn't believe in GOD. I want to settle down with someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do. Not necessarily same denomination, but someone who does believe in GOD. That's what's important to me. So, I guess I can see where he'd be concerned that things wouldn't work out if that's something that is important to him.

 

 

Although I do not not believe in God, I do believe in religion. I want my kids to go to church (probably whatever religion my partner is) because I feel it would be a cultural disservice to them to not be exposed to that. I will not try to convice someone to not believe and do not wish to be convinced either. That is not a religious or faith issue to me; it is a personal respect issue. I celebrate the major holidays (as it represents family time and my family believes in God) and want my children to do the same. I would be more than willing to be married in a church, go to church with my partner, and fully support their religious faith.

I was brought up in church and did personal investigation into eastern and western religions and came to my own conclusions. I fully respect someone who has come to a different conclusion. My lack of faith has zero bearing on my life and the choices I make. I do understand that faith can have a high bearing on other people's choices and would support a partner who holds that to a high importance.

 

So my question here: Would this matter? Or is the fact that I simply don't believe in God trump these things?

 

This is what I'd like to tell this guy...I guess it doesn't matter if he is non-responsive.

[shikashika]

I would get away from this guy right away.

 

I do not think he is wrong to think these things, its what HE wants. Just as you should be with someone who has the qualities YOU want.

 

I could never be with someone who their religion was too important too. They deserve to find someone who they connect with... but it would cause problems later on.

 

Just like i would not date someone who is a smoker... sure he might be loving, caring, kind funny etc... but that is a big no-no for me.

 

 

Oh yeah and about a biological clock ticking... who the heck talks about this after 2 weeks.... AND the fact you are 26 HA HA HA HA HA!

 

If it was me, I wouldn't stay, and more to the fact that he is bringing all this up after 2 weeks.. blah!

[ghost69]

i believe there is a higher power. not necessarily gosh(D). but i don't practice anything. does that count as believing in gosh? or does that have to be a specific person/entity?

[BellaDonna]

Please stay on topic and respect one another.

[amy99roo]

So...he calls. Let voicemail pick up. Says he needed some time to think about things and process his thoughts. Says he hopes to hear from me soon.

Do like him and guess I can tell him where I stand with the religion issues but...Wow, really soon for this. Anybody agree?

[Alezia]

Wow, I've had fairly serious relationships and I think you've went deeper into it than with the combination of the three guys I was with.

I'm kind of worried about his concern about wanting children right away/raised under god combined with the comment of "your biological clock is ticking". (Ok I do admit I've said that to my boyfriend because his hair is falling out as a joke, but we've been seeing each other for an eternity comparing to your 2 weeks)

 

I'm a bit worried that he's putting too much depth into a relationship that's not even formed yet. I'm known to move forward pretty fast and god I wouldn't even raise the issue of kids/ and partner's biological clock. Do you even want kids? He seems pretty focused on the issue...

 

I don't suggest you go on with the limbo-relationship, especially that you mentioned you just came out of one. I'd suggest setting a date where you would give him time and after that date passes walk away if he doesn't want to commit.

 

I don't suggest you telling him you're that willing to go to church every Saturday just yet.... eugh wait if he's catholic then it's sunday... I do have a strange gut feeling about this =\

[amy99roo]

I'm kind of worried about his concern about wanting children right away/raised under god combined with the comment of "your biological clock is ticking".

I'm a bit worried that he's putting too much depth into a relationship that's not even formed yet.

 

My thoughts exactly.