Slept with my best friend on accident...now what?? (long)

[sarge17]

Yes, peace Awdreehpburn.

 

I think you can have friendships of the opposite sex. But like you said there is that fine line and the googles. I think there can be no physical attraction between the 2 people. It will lead to the forbidden zone

 

For me I could never have a female friend whom I'm extremely attracted to physically. It will always come back to bite you. I think GM also used some terms about how hot she was.

 

If I asked a girl out who I was extremely attracted to and she said something along the lines of lets be friends. I would have to turn around and walk away. This is from my male point of view and I feel a lot of males would agree not all but most. I know eventually my physical attraction to her would cause a problem at some point. This is what I was trying to explain by nature at least from the male point of view

[midnightrambler]

i agree with this post 100%.

[AwdreeHpburn]

For me I could never have a female friend whom I'm extremely attracted to physically. It will always come back to bite you. I think GM also used some terms about how hot she was.

 

I just wish that weren't true. But is SOOO is. I have had this situation occur more times than I care to remember.

[Siriana]

Oh, thats the truth, that moment of lets do it will come one day for shure!

I have only one male friend who didn't try to sleep with me after some time! And that's because he's a virgin lol

[midnightrambler]

Oh, thats the truth, that moment of lets do it will come one day for shure!

I have only one male friend who didn't try to sleep with me after some time! And that's because he's a virgin lol

 

 

and you couldn't help the guy out? lol

[Siriana]

Well he didn't ask lol!

And if I have one time FBW it's better to be good!

hehehehehhe

[Iceman26]

 

If I asked a girl out who I was extremely attracted to and she said something along the lines of lets be friends. I would have to turn around and walk away.

 

Well said. I think a lot of men tend to befriend beautiful women who initially reject their romantic advances in hopes that they will "change her mind".

[greenmonster]

just to clear the air on this....I've slept in the same bed as Jamie 100 times or more over the last 6+ almost 7 years...none since I've been dating my gf(except for last week), and none when I was dating any other girls...

 

I guess I disagree when it comes to atractive friends. by that logic only ugly people would be friends.

 

I do think Jamie is beautiful, always have...but to be completely honest I don't sit there and drool over her and stare at her body every time we are together. the idea behind sex between her and I is a thought that just doesn't come into my mind. I think my little sister is beautiful too, but I don't think sexual things of her. I recognize the fact that the girl is hot, its not avoidable, but when her and I are together I don't see that, I don't see someone that I want to have sex with, I see my friend. Obviously in this case the beer goggles came on and her and I both stopped seeing eachother as friends, and for some reason we saw something more.

 

I don't know why, but for some reason or another, I've had very attractive female friends my entire adult life, and many that were not so attractive, its not like I seek out only the good looking ones. Most girls find me attractive, intelligent, fun, and very easy to talk to. and it stems from me having respect for them, being honest, open, and willing to listen to them. I've always played the roll of "Dr. Phill" since high school with my friends it seems, and whenever any girl that I knew had a problem with a guy I would always help her out by honestly telling her what the guy was thinking. I'm a very upfront and moral guy that doesn't stand for infedelity in a relationship, which is why I am so upset with myself for what has happened.

 

My older sister had a very key roll in raising me because my parents always had to work late. when she was in high school/college it always killed me to see that some guy had screwed her around, and she would be so depressed over it. I love my sister, and I know the affect that a guy can have on a girl, which is why I always vowed to never be one of those guys that sent someone elses sister home crying...also why I've always been more than willing to be there for my female friends when they needed someone.

 

maybe I'm just different, maybe my brain isn't set up like most guys, and in fact I know it isn't. but for me personally I don't have a problem telling a girl that isn't my significant other that I love her. I have told my guy friends that I love them as well, because I do. I don't believe that I can only love, and say that I love, just my family and significant other....just makes no sense. I've dated a couple different girls that had guys for best friends that they would tell them they loved them, and it has never bothered me...because I understand that relationship.

 

This truly was a matter of too much to drink combined with a momentary loss of controll by two people that led to something that most people would say should have happened over six years ago. I'm not saying that makes it right, and I'm not saying that every time her and I get drunk together from here on out we will end up sleeping with eachother agian.

 

Looking back I think that yes, this was probably bound to happen...I don't dissagree with that. but as far as moving forward goes, to me, the most important part of all this is making sure that her and I remain friends. anything beyond that I will leave up to fate and time...its not my goal to persue her sexually and run the risk of ruining what her and I have.

[Locke2121]

Sure...whatever you say hoss.

[midnightrambler]

Well he didn't ask lol!

And if I have one time FBW it's better to be good!

hehehehehhe

 

so have any of the friends who asked to sleep with you get to?

[greenmonster]

Sure...whatever you say hoss.

 

 

bah...

 

fine...

 

don't believe me...

 

I wouldn't be on here wasting my time making up a bunch of crap if I didn't intend to be honest...

 

I'm just providing you with enough real information and details so that you can form an appropriate conclusion....

 

I posted this originally to hopefully get some insight on what other people thought she might be thinking, perhaps get some understanding on this from someone who has been in this situation, and how I should go about making sure that she and I didn't loose anything from what we had.

 

if you think that I should persue Jamie now that we have broken the sexual barrier, and if you believe that this wasn't a mistake but a sign that there is something there that I should go after...I'll take that into consideration, because its a very viable opinion...and I thank you very much for your insight and consideration you have put towards this.

 

but don't think I'm just posting on here to tell some kind of elaborate story and lie to people I have no reason to...I came here for help...

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey GM - I think that's just their take on it.

 

Sometimes people DO deny how they feel or just aren't aware of it.

 

I don't personally think that is the case with you.

 

And MY advice still - is to carry on as always. I think the two of you CAN and will bounce right back from this but it IS going to take a little work initially because you are both feeling a bit awkward presently. But in time that will fade and you'll both be OK.

 

I think too - at least what I'm getting - that some people might be saying is, maybe take this time to acess your feelings. If you have and you know exactly where your truly stand - then so be it. I think people just don't want to see you fool yourself. But if you're not, great!

 

I honestly think she may just be acessing as well but I think if you keep in touch with her with the same level as always or maybe step it up a tad, you'll be OK.

[Siriana]

In that case, I am shure you'll hear from her after this situation calms down.

[Locke2121]

Hey! I'm not joking! I think the two of you could have something wonderful! But, if you don't think so, then whatever you say.

[sarge17]

GM

 

I think there is more here than you realize. This is my take And I dont mean to be degrading.

 

I feel there is something wrong when a guy says he's had very attractive female friends his entire adult life but is not dating one that keeps him interested.

 

I feel you put yourself in very frustrating positions. There is nothing wrong with having a female friend. You need to concentrate on women you can date and also be your friend. The ones you really click with, sharing problems, doing fun things together, having mind blowing sex, dancing the night away at a club, you know what I'm talking about.

 

I think in the back of your mind these attractive women who you agree to be friends with will change their mind and want to be your women.

 

You need to adapt to another way of thinking. If any women says she just wants to be friends move on. Keep moving until you find the one who wants to be your lover and friend. If Jamie wanted to be your girlfriend you would know it. Women with High Interest levels dont make you feel frustrated like Jamie.

 

Maybe give it a little time and see what happens, hell I would have an eye to eye, heart to heart talk with her then you know where you stand. But I say start dating around until you find the one. You will know it.

 

My attitude is when a women uses any line with friend in it. I walk, its not worth the frustration.

 

Dont you want a "real" girlfriend??

 

Good luck

[greenmonster]

Sarge...man...I know what your saying, and I appriciate your imput...but I think you got me all wrong on this one.

 

I don't go up to girls, ask them out, they say they wanna be friends, and so I agree and we become friends....most girls that I am friends with are just girls I have met from school, at parties, work etc...none of them are girls that I've ever asked out....

 

I have a girlfriend now that I'm getting rid of...and I've had different girlfriends most of my adult life...very few that I am still in contact with.

 

I've never had a girl go from being a friend into a girlfriend, and basically only one that went from girlfriend to friend...and that was like 4 years after we dated...

 

If I find a girl that I mesh with, that I find attractive, and that I think I would like to date, then I ask her out...if we go out or not, I'm not saying to myself in the back of my mind that if things don't work out then at least we can still be friends...its not like that at all...

 

I also don't make friends with a girl with the mindset of someday being able to date them...its just not me.

 

yes...the truth of the matter is that it would be great to date someone that I also had a tremendous friendship with...and maybe when I find that person her and I will live happily ever after...and thats honestly why I am leaving my current girlfriend because she and I are not friends, we don't have any chemestry, and its really better for the both of us....

 

I know this all prolly seems weird and odd....honestly the more i talk about it the more weird I sound to myself...and maybe your exactly right and I need to change around my mindset when it comes to girls...I dunno...

 

right now I am going to go on with life...I'm going to break up with my girlfriend, because that was my plan anyway before all this happened. I'm going to wait till Jamie gets in touch with me...give her some time and space to sort stuff out in her head...and when her and I do sit down to have that talk then I'm going to be very open and understanding about everything. I'm quite sure that she values our friendship as much as I do, and on her end she wants everything to work out too...but just like me...right now she is just a little shell shocked and confused...