Slept with my best friend on accident...now what?? (long)

[greenmonster]

And if the two of you find that now you want something more? They say the first step to finding the love of your life, is simply finding someone that you like to be with more than anyone else. You've got that part down.

 

 

good lord...who knows...doubt that would happen...

 

she and i are EXACTLY the same on many things...music, food, movies, sports, booze, books, TV, sense of humor, scared of midgets etc...but we differ on a great deal too...

 

let me put it this way...we both have masters degrees from the same school...I'm an attorney who works with corporate clients on the accrual of assets and wealth, she is a bartender and a school teacher out to change the world....I wear a suit and tie every day, she never wears underwear, only wears t-shirts jeans and flip flops....she has like 10 tattoos and her nose and nipples pierced, I have never even been to a tattoo parlor....

 

we are like night and day on a lot of things....and people look at us and just question what the hell we are doing together...but its the fact that we are so different on some things that has brought us closer over the years...because we see learn from eachother, and grow as people by constantly exposing eachother to different things.

 

our friendship allows us to be close, but not so close as to ever try and change the other. and while her and I argue about stuff, its never a bitter or mean type of argueing...its more like very friendly debating...where we both know that we are never going to change the others view...but we just enjoy talking to eachother.

 

major things like religion, finances & children would be where a long term relationship between her and I would break apart. our differences there would definitely prevent us from the whole idea behind "forever"...but thats ok...because I enjoy having her for what she is to me...my best friend

 

weird...I've never actually thought this much about her in this sense...makes me think of the movie "stranger than fiction"...

[Locke2121]

Opposites attract my friend....and it sure as heck sounds like love to me. True love isn't two people changing to suit each other. True love is to people who are willing to stand together, differences and all, and walk side by side through life.

 

Well, whatever you decide, you first need to drop the gf...she isn't right for you and you know it. So buck up, forget about her tears and just do it. Its the only way dude.

[thyroxine]

I agree with just breaking up with your girlfriend. I know it's hard through all her tears, but it will save her from crying many more!

 

As for the friendship, it sounds like love but not all love can turn into a romantic relationship. It is very unlikely that my friend and I will be together. We love each other to death, but the friend zone is too embedded and we are very happy with that now. I just felt like reiterating that.

[Locke2121]

True...it may bring the two of you even closer together. Just take it one day at a time.

[Siriana]

Hehehehehe - come on: you have a gf - thats why she's avoiding you after sleeping with you.

She feels like she's done something wrong (well you both were not fair toward your gf) so she's taking a step back.

I think you should brake it of with your gf (without saying a word to her about cheating).

Than feel free to see if you've got the friendship with your best friend, possible love realtionship or nothing. As long as you're in relationship you have no right to ask anything!

 

You can't have a gf and stay friends with a girl you cheated her with!

Plus you don't like your gf so stop torturing yourself and brake up with her!

[Iceman26]

If you know you are weak and can't be strong when breaking up with your girlfriend in person, then break up with her over the phone. Seriously. If she is going to carry on like that I would have left. She'll get over it eventually.

 

Playing these games with her emotions are not good. You aren't doing her any favors by dangling this break up with her and then taking it away.

 

Your best friend will contact you at some point. She probably just needs some time to process what has happened.

[greenmonster]

I know...I gotta break up with her, and I'm going to, this weekend. but I'm not doing it over the phone, I think thats just rude & spineless....I'll have the strength to go through with it this time.

 

As for Jamie, I just want our friendship back & make sure thats all good again, thats whats most important to me...

 

thanks everyone for yer imput...really appriciate it.

[Locke2121]

It helps if you rehearse what your going to say over and over again. Imagine her crying, begging, saying she'll die if you break up with her..all that stuff. Tell her the truth, not some stupid cliche like "Its not you, it me." Simply tell her that your not in love anymore. Its not fair to keep stringin her along, accepting her affections, when you can't return them.

 

She's gonna cry, whine, beg and plead. She's gonna think that there is something wrong with her. The question of just a trial seperation will come up, don't fall for it. Simply tell her that you hope she'll be happy, that her calls, emails and so forth will be ignored, that you think a clean break is best, and wish her all the luck in the world.

 

Then just walk away. Don't look back, call her, accept any calls. Just let it go. Better to break her heart now that a year down the road. Its a crappy thing to do, but it has to be done...good luck dude.

[AwdreeHpburn]

GM - Just because I've been in a similar situation, I'm gonna give you MY opinion.

 

I think part of it IS because you have a gf - making Jamie not sure where to go from here. She's a little uncomfortable with herself as much as with you.

 

I doubt she actually has lost any respect for you that she hasn't also lost for herself.

 

It is my personal opinion that if you continue with your friendship as you always have, she, and you, will recover nicely from all of this. It will become a part of the past of your relationship.

 

It happened

 

It was bound to

 

You both know it

 

No big

 

Move on

 

If you treat it like its a big ugly, regrettable secret, it will be. Don't take it there. You've been friends forever, you have a special connection. You bumped uglies. Its the nature of a male/female friendship. You two will be alright with it in time. But DON'T stop talking to her or let her stop talking to you. Cos then it WILL be weird!

 

As for you current gf - yeh dude. Not cool. Break it off - that's all.

[sarge17]

Didn't read all the posts

 

BUT................Women are for companions, mates, sex, marriage, starting a family, partners, but not friends the way you are talking.

 

Things seem immature in a way. Grow a pair of kahunas.

 

You actually say you love this girl. Well, do what nature is telling you to do!!!

 

For some reason you are trying to change nature.

[Locke2121]

BUT................Women are for companions, mates, sex, marriage, starting a family, partners, but not friends the way you are talking.

 

I mean no disrespect, but thats the biggest load of manure I've ever read in my entire life.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Didn't read all the posts

 

BUT................Women are for companions, mates, sex, marriage, starting a family, partners, but not friends the way you are talking.

 

Things seem immature in a way. Grow a pair of kahunas.

 

You actually say you love this girl. Well, do what nature is telling you to do!!!

 

For some reason you are trying to change nature.

 

 

 

- I'm offended.

 

What are women for? I mean the way "nature" intended?

[Locke2121]

Well, I just got over a week-long ban Awdree, so I don't want to take any chances.

 

I personally think this guy has found a soulmate, but doesn't realize it. But its his life, so I'm not gonna tell him that!

 

 

 

 

Ooops.

[valiantv]

I would say don't tell her that you slept with Jamie. The reason being that that is not why you are breaking up with her, you've been trying to break up with her for 2 months, long before you slept with Jamie. To tell her this will make things much worse for her. It will make things complicated for her, she will blame Jamie, she will wish and think that if situations had been different or if only that night hadn't happened you would still love her. It will be harder for her to let go.

If you are breaking up with her, tell her the true reason you are breaking up.

 

Having said that...

Jamie has NOTHING to do with why I want to break up with her

Are you sure? It mightn't be as direct as you think. OK so you aren't breaking up because you consciously want to get together with Jamie instead, but it's clear Jamie is occupying certain feelings in your heart, most of which should reserved for your girlfriend, making you feel less love for your girlfriend at a subconscious level. My feeling is that you love Jamie so much (however platonically), that no other girl could make you love them without reducing your love for Jamie.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Well, I just got over a week-long ban Awdree, so I don't want to take any chances.

 

I personally think this guy has found a soulmate, but doesn't realize it. But its his life, so I'm not gonna tell him that!

 

 

 

 

Ooops.

 

Good point Locke - I should be more careful as well....

 

I agree. Its not often people have someone - anyone - that they get on with so well and for so long. Strong connections are rare....

[sarge17]

To the 2 posters who " feel " offended or disrespected.

 

Please explain what offended you with all due respect.

 

This same thing can be turned around and a women say the same thing about men. It would not offend me!!

 

It is nature at work.

[Locke2121]

Awdree, I bow to your superiour postcount...take it away hun.

[valiantv]

BUT................Women are for companions, mates, sex, marriage, starting a family, partners, but not friends the way you are talking.

I don't agree with this! Women are for whatever they want to be for!

This same thing can be turned around and a women say the same thing about men. It would not offend me!!

That's because you don't come from a sex that has a history - and still is in most parts of the world - of being told what they are for!

 

It is nature at work.

What sets humans apart from the animals is that we are above nature!

[AwdreeHpburn]

...we're above nature?

 

 

sweet

[valiantv]

Well we have the ability of self-control, reasoning, empathy and consideration of unusual circumstances... I can't say "Nature made me bite that postman's leg" in the same way a dog can (though if a dog could say it he'd probably be intelligent enough that he couldn't say it! Ahh those poor dogs just can't win)

 

The point I'm trying to make is that we use toilets!

[sarge17]

I'm lost, won't be the first time or the last.

 

I was not labeling women as objects. If you took it that way thats your problem. You are taking my words way out of context!! Go down the list I gave it is all the ingredeants of a human " healthy" relationship.

 

The original poster has found his mate but doesn't know it because he thinks he's in the ''Friendzone"

 

I would still like the ones who are offended explain the female, male relationship without a bunch of hockey-pokey feminism.

 

Where above nature. please elaborate.

[greenmonster]

Didn't read all the posts

 

BUT................Women are for companions, mates, sex, marriage, starting a family, partners, but not friends the way you are talking.

 

Things seem immature in a way. Grow a pair of kahunas.

 

You actually say you love this girl. Well, do what nature is telling you to do!!!

 

For some reason you are trying to change nature.

 

 

wow man...thats sad that you think that women are "for" stuff... they aren't farm equipment...and you really shouldn't look at girls like breeding stock that you pick up at an auction.... modern day women can even vote, drive cars, expose thier ankles and all kinds of neat stuff stuff....shocking, I know.

 

Two of the three best friends I've ever had have been girls... I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

 

sure, I have many many guy friends....and I'm not just some afiminate guy, I played rugby all through college...I would do anything in the world for my two best guy friends too...I can honestly say that "I love them" too...but since none of us are homosexual...then the likelyhood of them and I sleeping with eachother or forming a relationship beyond friendship is out of the realm of possibility....

 

in all honesty, I just want things to be cool between me and my friend...if something more should develop from that then it will happen in due time...but I'm not going to sit here and say that just because we got smashed and had sex like drunken college kids that all of a sudden I think we are going to get married and live happily ever after

 

breaking the sexual barrier is something that I don't believe either of us intended to have happen, but deep down I think both of us knew that eventually it would. it just so happens that it came at and inconvenient time, and the fact that neither one of us remember most of what happened (what was said, who did what, why it happened, who started it) makes it even more weird. I firmly believe that her and I's frienship will get back to where it was, but as far as anything beyond that...I do not expect anything to happen and I am not going to persue trying to force something to happen.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm lost, won't be the first time or the last.

 

I was not labeling women as objects. If you took it that way thats your problem. You are taking my words way out of context!! Go down the list I gave it is all the ingredeants of a human " healthy" relationship.

 

The original poster has found his mate but doesn't know it because he thinks he's in the ''Friendzone"

 

I would still like the ones who are offended explain the female, male relationship without a bunch of hockey-pokey feminism.

 

Where above nature. please elaborate.

 

Hey Sarge - I guess I just took that to mean you had a particular image in your head of certain defined roles for women.

 

I'm not a feminist per se, although I do believe men and women are equal.

 

I don't think humans are above nature and I do think that hedrosexual men and women have difficulty remaining platonic friends a lot of the time. I get your points on that. I guess just the way you started your statement struck me as a generalisation as it did for others.

 

And I sort of agree that if we misunderstood you its our fault, sort of. In communication, we ARE all responsible for our intrepretations of things as much as we are for our delivery.

 

Sorry for MY end of the mis-understanding in your mis-communication.

[sarge17]

AdreeHpburn

 

Yes you are right everyone interpets things differently. Sometimes I get a little excited and get up on the edge of my chair and start babbling. I like good clean debate. Sometimes I might come off a little on the edgy side.....lol

 

I guess with the original post is what got me on the edge of the chair. I have women friends but would never say I love them. Thats reserved for my SO.

 

One other big problem was sleeping in the same bed almost a 100 times but has a girlfriend, this is what made me bring up the word imaturity. This is very,very disrespectful to his girlfriend. Why is he not spending time with his girlfriend instead of his friend. His post was hard to read to start with about like mine.............!

 

Like Superdave 71 said "an accident, yell right".

 

If the truth was known I feel he would rather date and sleep with his so called friend. This is why as a male you dont get deeply involved in the "friendzone" nothing good comes of it unless it is handled right. I would never sleep in the same bed with any of my female friends, probally not even in the same room.

 

For a male you have very limited contact, just enough to work out any problems you both might have. Sometimes a women needs a shoulder to cry on. You dont call everyday, maybe once a week. You dont allow yourself to get emotionally close or this is what happens. Again I think it has a lot to do with maturity. Just my opinion

[AwdreeHpburn]

AdreeHpburn

 

Yes you are right everyone interpets things differently. Sometimes I get a little excited and get up on the edge of my chair and start babbling. I like good clean debate. Sometimes I might come off a little on the edgy side.....lol

 

As do I in my responses....

 

One other big problem was sleeping in the same bed almost a 100 times but has a girlfriend, this is what made me bring up the word imaturity. This is very,very disrespectful to his girlfriend. Why is he not spending time with his girlfriend instead of his friend. His post was hard to read to start with about like mine.............!

 

Like Superdave 71 said "an accident, yell right".

 

I agree. And I think, some where in there, the OP does as well....

 

BUT - I think IDEALLY - we would ALL like to think the opposite is true. That women and men CAN be friends WITHOUT the involvement of a sexual element. Truth is, and we all know it, its very, very difficult....

 

Of course women and men can share the deepest of friendships, like any other two people of any gender. BUT as the GM found out, sometimes those emotional and sexual lines get sort of fuzzy - often times due to slapping on the beer goggles......

 

Peace Sarge - ?