We've been on and off for over two years

[dreamer1977]

I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend and I don't know when I'll be able to move on if ever. We were an interracial relationship (I'm black he's white). Our longest phase of togetherness lasted for 6 months. He dumped me shortly thereafter for reasons unknown. The last two years have been a perpetual rollercoaster of ups and downs where we break up and get back together, usually with him vanishing and me turning on the violins to get him back. I love him so much, that I always manage to backburner my hurt about this in order to mend fences with him. Still, no matter how hard I've tried to stay with him, he never seems to put forth the same effort. To make matters worse, I think he's found someone new this time. He's told me he loved me, admits that I have been good to him. We used to talk about building a life and a family together. I thought he would've asked me to marry him. I've tried to move on. Nothing seems to work. I know it's unfair for me to measure people with his stick, but I don't intentionally. Besides, no one seems to compare anyway. I'm very lonely, ashamed and don't know what to do. I think I'm depressed about the whole thing. I thought he was the one. I've never loved anyone this much. I've tried to tell him, prove it to him even, but I just don't think he cares. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should deal with this? Any help would be appreciated.

[ladyspirit]

Hi dreamer1977,

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm trying myself to recover from a relationship where I was giving more than he was, and where I forgot myself a bit too much...From the sounds of it, you should forget him and move on. I know you're trying to do that...I know how it feels to still love someone and thought he was "the one". But if he had been the one, it would have worked out. It's cruel, but as simple as that. I don't think you should settle for anything less than someone who loves you as much as you love them, and acts accordingly to that.

 

Take care of yourself, see friends, stay busy, develop hobbies/talents,...just don't sell yourself short any longer. You deserve better. He's not worth it if he can't see how great you are, and does not work to preserve that. Be grateful you don't have kids with him: he would probably leave you then as well.

[Ferion]

Hey, welcome to ENA .

 

Alot of people have gone through what you are going through. It hurts alot, doesn't it? Believe us, we know. What you have to accept is that if he doesn't want it then it can never happen. And from what I've read i don't think it wants it. Sorry hun...you have to accept that. It hurts the most the first few days but afterwards I promise you slowly you'll feel better. You'll stop thinking of him and things around you will stop reminding you of him.

 

What you should do is go no contact. Don't call him/email him/msg him anything like that at all. Get rid of a few things that remind you of him. Surround yourself with a few of your friends and go out and have fun . Keep yourself busy. Do something you always wanted to do, but couldn't. One door closes, but many open up. Its not the end of the world sweetheart. I've gone through what you have too...but I guarentee it, one day you'll wake up and say to yourself "Wow, I'm over him."

 

Its painful sweetie, I know. Say what you need to, to him. Thanks for everything. Then don't speak to him for a long while. This will make you a stronger person. And eventually, you might even think this was the greatest thing to happen to you.

 

Good luck sweetie, we're all here for you.

[Diggitydave]

Hey just so ya know, you're a human. hope someone told ya this so everything you're feeling is OOO KKKK. I was totally being funny joking saying this with a smile a warm hug

[distroyed one]

Hey my dear, I hope that you are stronger person than I am and that you will be able to handle this situation the best way.. I also went through breakup, he also founded someone else and I'm here alone to try to build my life again.. No progres so far, but I hope there will be.. If you have some good friends or family members try to hang out with them, don't spend time alone, our minds can get really crazy when there is no one around.. Find a new hobby, start some lessons you maybe wanted before, another language maybe, yoga, keep yourself busy and one day you will wake up happy not missing him at all, with liberated heart so you can give it to someone that deserve it!

Best wishes!