Hey guys, first time posting. I got my heart broken a week ago. And it sucks.
Well..I've been dating my ex for 1.5 years. And, yes she broke up with me. We were so close. We told eachother everything, and trusted eachother completely. Well, atleast I thought so. I guess I had a few insecurity issues. Though I wasn't a jerk about it. I still goto her house (is it really a bad thing?) and just hang out with her. We're...an odd set of friends. We like to get close. Cuddle. And, just last night as we were talking about why we broke up...I well we kissed. More than once.
Yeah weird, I know. But lets get to why we broke up.
She told me, it was her parents who pushed us over the edge (we're in our senior years at highschool). They restricted us from seeing eachother and really stressed our relationship. Watched us like bloody eagles whenever we were around. It had been going on like this from a while, when a huge incident caused kinda started this whole thing, and its been a domino effect since. We got farther because of the inability to see each other. She also said she felt like she never had more then 50% of my trust at anytime. I am still confused about this statement. She recently switched highschools, and I was asking her about her friends there, people that kind of stuff. Maybe my questions made her uneasy? Please shed some light on this fact.
Back to the kissing.
We kissed. We talked. She told me it was her parents fault we had to break up. But she really wanted to be with me. Just in the future where the parents wouldn't be a problem. And after a while of talking, I see a book lying open on her desk (she left at this point to go to the washroom) . You know what it was? It was her freakin' diary. With a heart and a name in the middle. It was not mind. And being human I could not resist the rest, so I picked it up and started to read. She's met this guy within the first two weeks of her new highschool. And in those two weeks, fell in love with him, kissed him, went out with him and is going a dance with him.
Okay, so at this point...my heart was shattered...again. I knew I should've not been so hopeful. But alas I couldn't do anything about it. Why was she leading me on? She told me what was afraid to tell me. Wasn't ready. But...like..what the hell? You guys feelin' me? It feels like she broke my heart twice. Within two weeks.
It also had a little article on the day she broke up with me. And...no, I won't hold back from posting it. Here it is.
(I am Jacob (not really my name for the record))
"Jacob and I are no longer together. We've split up. It's for the good. This is the end. We've been together for so long. He's been more than just a boyfriend. He's been my support, he's taken my hand and led my through that wretched year at highschool. He stuck with me through it.
He was a true love 100%. Happiness for the first few months atleast. Things got shakey after the blissful romance of getting together ended. But we survived that too.
He was so sweet. When I ran away (this is the incident) he skipped class and spent 12 hours looking for me. Not just anyone would do that. None of my friends did. Only {name removed to protect the innocent}."
It continues on with her finding somone new.
Yes..maybe I am being a bit jerky about posting a diary entry on the internet. But I really need you guys to understand whats happening...I feel like udder crap right now.
How did I get this entry? I was angry at this point. For feeling like she lead me on. So...I ripped the pages out of the diary. And said "We're gonna talk about this tomorrow". Put them in my pocket and went home. So today, if she doesn't try to avoid it, we're gonna talk.
Yeah. I do feel kinda bad about being angry, but the reason I'm angry is that, she kissed me. Lead me to feel that we still had something, when she had someone else. Told me that she would wait for a chance to get back together. I know, she broke up with me, but she was still wrong in her doing.
I'm hurt. Breaking up is the worst feeling in the world, ain't it guys? I've read somewhere that heartache has similar symptoms to an actual heart attack. Or did I make that up?
I need your guy's help. What should I do? I feel if I pull a NC, we won't talk entirely, even in the future after the NC period. I want this girl in my life. If she is my girlfriend, my wife, my friend. Whatever. She is important to me. Its imperative that we stay friends.
So here I stand. Heartbroken, and alone. Tell me eNotAlone, what should I do?
(Thanks for reading the long agonizing story. I appreciate it.)
Thanks for your help.
