Someone Please Help

[Cyprian]

I feel so horrible lately. I miss her more and more each day. I want to feel her arms around me, her hot voice on my neck, and hear her sweet words. I want to connect with her mind the way we always used to...so truthful with each other's words, so connected with our thoughts.

 

I hate NC. There is something totally wrong with it. I feel like dying. I just cannot stand the idea that soon she will be leaving the country, and then all of a sudden I will have lost ANY chance at seeing her one last time! She could simply never return, and then I would beat myself up over this decision for the rest of my life!

 

Yes, I was attached to her. Yes, I was dependent on her. Yes, I was not a full person myself, she completed me. Some of you may say that this is unhealthy...that we cannot lose ourselves in relationships. I think that people who have that view on relationships don't understand love on the level that I do...selflessly losing yourself in each other, and thereby creating a new entity completely: a Love entity...the melding of two people into one.

 

I digress though, I simply need help. I need someone to please help me make this decision...what do I do? Continue NC until right before she leaves the country, then have one last encounter? I know I won't be able to convince her to come back to me - she is only at the beginning stages of her fantasy life that she is attempting to create - but I still love her and need to see her.

 

I cannot even type whats on my mind...I thought this would all come out much better, but I guess what one thinks is not always what comes out of them.

[Daddy Bear]

I've felt like you do now, but I finally recovered and found love again (and again when that one ended). Eventually we all get tired of beating the dead horse and we walk on. Hope it happens for you soon; I know how much it hurts to be where you are at the moment.

[macgyver4ever]

Hey Buddy,

 

Here's my 2 cents, and I know it may not be "SuperDave Approved" but it what I think I would do if I was in your situation.

 

You love this girl, want to be with her, but right now she has the fantasy that she is going to run off to another country and live with this guy and it is going to be just like the movies. Happily Ever After. You know, and I know this probably will not happen, and if they don't live happily ever after, she will have to move back home. Even though we think this is a bad idea, and want to stop her from making a mistake, you have to let her, because there is nothing you can say or do to stop her. Just as the idae of her leaving you is consuming you, the idea that she is going to live this European Dream is taking over her life.

 

My advice:

See her, or at least talk to her a week or so before she leaves. Not the night before, that is too needy. Make sure you have your head on straight. No begging, no pleading. Tell her you will always care about her, and although you are disappointed that things have turned out this way, you know that she cannot pass up this opportunity. Say that you know it will take time, but you hope you can be friends someday.

 

Try to get yourself busy, go out, and have some fun, even if you have to fake it. Then you don't have to lie about going out. Show her that you are moving on, and you are strong and confident. What this will do is if things do start to go sour with Mr. Euro, she will remember the good things about you, and start to realize what she has lost. A good, strong lasting impression is your best bet. This will also leave you with your confidence and dignity. If you beg and plead, you will feel awful when she doesn't return your emotions.

 

I know this will be tough, but it is your best bet. As soon as she is gone, go to full NC and don't worry about her. The hardest part is waiting for her to leave, after that it will be easy. Trust me, I've been there. Now that I know my ex is sleeping with someone else, it is easier on me. I hate it, but there is no more wondering. Assume it is over, and move on. It's not fun, and it's not what you want, but it's something you HAVE to do.

 

Get out tonight. It will do wonders!!!

Take Care.

[Cyprian]

Thanks macgyver4ever. I was thinking of something along the same lines, but I'm not even sure if I will have the chance of seeing her once before she leaves...hopefully I will (i dont know what airport she is flying out of).

 

About getting out: thats about all i have been doing. I think i need to take a break...from going out and drinking that is. Its draining on my wallet and my body...

 

I'm gonna go bowling or see a movie instead for a good month or so...

 

I just wish I could fast forward my life...like the movie Click...ever seen that movie?

[DizzyDoris]

I think you should listen to mcgyver4evers advice. That sounds spot on to me.

[cristal]

Cyprian, I know that you are going through an intensely painful time in your life. It is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy. But my friend, you just have to hang in there, al beit by a thread somedays, but there is not much you can do. We have all been there.

 

I agree with Macguyver, that if you feel that you must release some of the pain, then speak with her just one last time and then literally go into hiding. Go total non communicado. Preserve your dignity at all cost, by refraining from any forms of contact, such as telephoning, texting, or e-mailing. Later when the pain goes away and you look back, you will be glad you did.

 

No Contact is tough, but remember that every step of this process is an opportunity to take care of and honor yourself. Every moment of pain, weakness and discomfort, puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition.

 

So hang in there and just give it more time. It will get better.

[Blazer]

I think Macgyver was spot-on with his advice too. On one hand it would be a shame to let her go without having made that last attempt and have to wonder ... what if ? ... but on the other hand you are exposing yourself to possible hurt. Protect yourself, don't raise your hopes too high and be in a mentally strong state of mind when you do contact her. Someone once told me ... Never ask the question unless you can handle the answer. I wish you the best.

[terk2021]

Thanks macgyver4ever. I was thinking of something along the same lines, but I'm not even sure if I will have the chance of seeing her once before she leaves...hopefully I will (i dont know what airport she is flying out of).

 

About getting out: thats about all i have been doing. I think i need to take a break...from going out and drinking that is. Its draining on my wallet and my body...

 

I'm gonna go bowling or see a movie instead for a good month or so...

 

I just wish I could fast forward my life...like the movie Click...ever seen that movie?

 

 

Cyprian,

 

That was a great movie. Most people that post out here are, or have gone through something very similar to what you are going through right now. There are probably no words that anyone could say would make this any easier for you right now. I went through the most painful break up of my life last year, and I still suffer from it. I probably will for a while longer.

 

Honestly, I did not care about work, friends, family, or really anything else at the time. When I reached out to this board for help, and advice, I heard about no contact, spending time with family and friends, and being good to myself during that time. I really did not follow. My situation is not exactly like yours, but I did, and was in the process of losing the love of my life. I continued to pursue her, and we did get back together, twice. Both times were short lived, and each time she left again, it just seem to hurt twice as much. It made me just want to work that much harder.

 

I did start to finally lean on friends and family last year. Those were the people who really loved me, and were, and always have been there for me. It's very similar to people on this board. It took me about 4 months before healing started to really kick in. There are 2 things that really stuck out to me as far as advice went. I was reminded that I went through a horrible breakup about 3 years ago, and at the time, it was the hardest thing I went through, and never thought I would love again. Well, I found someone else about a year after that one ended. After this most recent breakup (granted, more serious relationship), it seems to hurt twice as hard. The advice? You never would have found her, if you never went through what you went through before. My friends reminded me of the happy, confident man I was, and should become again, and continue to be for the rest of my life.

 

I am not the most religious person on the face of the planet, but my ex did go to church, and I started going with her. This is a non-denominational church, and I made some friends in there. You have probably heard it before, but basically, everything does happen for a reason. You should have trust that the right one is out there for you. This one may be it. From your post above, it sounds like she is fairly determined to make this move. You should move forward from this. I am sure right now it feels like the toughest decision you have ever faced. It very well may be the case.

 

I felt very much like you. I would hate to go through life wondering "what if".

That to me felt 10 times harder. Again, I did get her to come back to me twice, but it never fixed it. If you do want to have that last contact with her, then by all means, do it. If she comes back, that's great. No one here wishes anything bad to happen for you.

 

Personally, I would do it by email or a letter as soon as possible. It gives you the time to document your thoughts and present them to her on your terms. It gives her the ability to read it when she wants to, how often she wants to.

 

I do feel what you are going through, as many do on this board. I wish you the best my friend.

 

Terk

[brokenbird]

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[Cyprian]

Thanks for your replies. Thank you BB.