bulletproof Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I guess the real question is, how do you know that the reason you're unsuccessful with women is because you're nice? What led you to that conclusion? Life isn't that black and white. There's usually more to it than that. Link to comment
Leonhart Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 It was a trick question. I'm not that 'nice' at all. lol Link to comment
bulletproof Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Actually, my question was for the o.p. Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Why do women say they weant a nice guy, but leave the nice guys behind for jerks. We nice guys certainly do finish last. Where can I sign up for Jerk101? I think it is time to a change. If you mean that a nice guy is somebody who's got a good job, ain't drink, smoke, do drugs & other stuff - you're right. But why do these poor guys ain't get any further - quite simple, often you may have an image in your head of how your partner may look like, or you're too attached to celebrities, you'll always be willing to get somebody who's the complete opposite of yourself... If you're nice, then search for a nice person and not something like a club chick or whatever... Link to comment
Anonybrit Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 No, the real point is that us men are human beings independent of our sexual value too - we all have our own personalities and histories, and so we all have our problems, whether we adopt a "nice guy" image externally or not. Everybodies got problems. Soulmates are supposed to help fix them, not demand they disappear before getting involved. I wouldn't want a girl whose perfectly confident, content with her life, completely secure and without any worries or flaws. Imperfection breeds intimacy, and gives relationships a purpose. We've been watching too much porn and TV dramas if all we're after is image. Link to comment
Salucious Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I have a theory that the more insecure a woman is, the more she'll want a man that is "exciting and confident" and will have more demands that need to be met when it comes to what they want in a guy. A woman who is comfortable with her life should want a guy who treats her the way she should be treated. Most women however won't settle for a guy that will treat them well; they need one that will bring excitement to their otherwise dull life too. Granted, yes a guy should bring something unique to a girl's life, but you should want a relationship for the companionship not because you're looking for something in other people that you don't have in yourself. But women who are looking for a guy to save them from their dull life, should maybe work more on themselves than trying to find gratification through someone else. "Nice guys" are the kind of guys who will treat a woman right. He doesn't try to overcompensate for the woman's boring life. He satisfies her need for companionship, and does things for her to improve her life, not invent it. The nice guy isn't boring, he makes her happy, and does fun things with her, to improve her life, not replace something that is missing. This is why most people don't get married at 18, they need to make themselves a real life and then find someone to share it with. I don't mean to be judgemental at women, I'm just putting my $0.02 out there... Link to comment
galaxy71 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 This message is for Anonybrit and Salucious. Dating is not fair. A bunch of guys competing for a girl is not the same as a bunch of guys competing for some merit-based civil service job. Women don't go over a bunch of applications from guys and determine which guys are the most qualified to be her boyfriend. I have seen plenty of unemployed, anti-social, dysfunctional guys succeed with women. On the other hand, I have seen plenty of educated, smart, cultured guys get passed over by women. Why should an attractive women give a damn about ethics and fairness when there are plenty of guys who approach her all the time. Instead of dealing with philosophy and ethics, nice guys are better off learning the psychology of women. What do women want? What are women attracted to? Once the nice guy learns about what women are attracted to, he can determine where he can improve himself so that women will become naturally attracted to him. Debating the ethics of dating and relationships will not help nice guys who want to improve themselves right now. On link removed's dating advice forum, I remember writing a lot of posts defending nice guys. Every time, I felt good about myself when I saw my posts defending those underdog, nice guys . While I was busy engaging in debates about whether women should approach guys, or whether guys should pay the entire bill for the first date, other "nice guys" were learning how to attract and seduce women on other websites. They were learning about the pyschology of women and how to interact with them. I regret wasting time defending "nice guys" on that forum, when I could have used that time improving myself so that women would be attracted to me. Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 What you do is what you are - if women see somebody who says he's a nice guy - he's just a nice guy and nothing else - he may have the job, he may not look like a monster, but he's just nice... Women are more attracted to those who are more social, do more activities than just working to earn cash for themselves... That's why I keep on telling that the youth should be rebellious (in a good way) - nice guys are often those who grow up with some kind of anxiety from their parents, that's why many of them are unable to stand emotionally on their own feet after leaving home... Link to comment
Pegasus Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Attraction is more than just looks. I am not saying that all nice guys are poorly dressed, lack confidence, AND lack social skills. Nice guys may have problems in only one area of their life(i.e. having a nice appearance, but lacking confidence), while other nice guys have problems with multiple areas(like my friend who looks nerdy and has no confidence) Some nice guys have a poor appearance. Other nice guys have a good appearnce but have problems with their confidence. There are still others who have problems with their social skills. Hm... you have to take into account that you can't really change the way you look (appearance) - at least not without plastic surgery or something like that. So the idea is to play the best you can with cards you got. Not fair but that's the way life usually is.... Link to comment
Leonhart Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Hm... you have to take into account that you can't really change the way you look (appearance) - at least not without plastic surgery or something like that. So the idea is to play the best you can with cards you got. Not fair but that's the way life usually is.... You're a realist, aren't you? Link to comment
Anonybrit Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 This message is for Anonybrit and Salucious. Dating is not fair. But this isn't about dating, it's about "love". Are we concluding that love is simply a sexual reward for meeting certain sexual and social criteria? I mean, that's fine if you think that, but that renders the concept of "soulmate" meaningless. Link to comment
Siriana Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 NIce guy is not the same as doormat, clingy, lack of self-esteem guy. There is a big difference. Nice guy who respects woman in the right extent and manner is a great thing. That means give what you get. Don't give too much to someone who still didn't deserve it in hope it will give you the same amount of attention back! Link to comment
galaxy71 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Hm... you have to take into account that you can't really change the way you look (appearance) - at least not without plastic surgery or something like that. So the idea is to play the best you can with cards you got. Not fair but that's the way life usually is.... Yes, you can change it. Some of the ways you could improve your appearance is through working out, buying new clothes, and getting a good haircut. Women improve their appearance all the time through makeup and clothing. Link to comment
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 Some mistake our kindness for weakness. So it must pay to be a jerk to avoid the confusion. Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Being kind is GREAT Pretending to be kind, but clearly showing that you're anxious - BAD & WEAK And from your texts I often see that you're already digging a grave for yourself only being in your 30's... I know a person who recently got married for the first time and gave birth to a daughter - she's 37... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Kyo- you never said- what makes you think that being nice is the source of your problems with women? Is that based on some feedback from a potential love interest, and if so, is she a reliable source? I ask because there are just so many possibilities as to why one might be having trouble, and being nice seems an unlikely cause. Link to comment
Honey_30 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 hmm..how about just being yourself ? What one person finds unattractive, ( nice guy, geeky guy, player, sex on legs whatever) is not necessarily what another finds unattractive. Personally i would rather have a man who makes me laugh, for me thats the best quality a man can have. I have heard girls saying ' he is so sweet as a friend ', same has been said about girls from guys, they like them, like hanging out with them, but just dont see them as gf material. whats so wrong with that ? I say be yourself, if the girl doesn't like you, being you, then she isn't worth it anyways, and sooner or later you will find a girl who does. Link to comment
galaxy71 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 hmm..how about just being yourself ? What one person finds unattractive, ( nice guy, geeky guy, player, sex on legs whatever) is not necessarily what another finds unattractive. Personally i would rather have a man who makes me laugh, for me thats the best quality a man can have. I have heard girls saying ' he is so sweet as a friend ', same has been said about girls from guys, they like them, like hanging out with them, but just dont see them as gf material. whats so wrong with that ? I say be yourself, if the girl doesn't like you, being you, then she isn't worth it anyways, and sooner or later you will find a girl who does. Being yourself will make people feel good. But it fails to address the fact that some "nice guys" suffer from a lot of complicated problems that hinder them from succeeding in dating. It's easy for a girl to attract a guy by just being herself. Guys have high sex drives. That's why women can sit back and wait for a guy to approach them. Even average-looking women get a lot of attention from guys(especially from online dating). On the other hand, guys have to initiate relationships. Guys need to have the personality and social skills to attract women. If a guy goes by himself and stands in a corner of a bar, he will probably get ignored the rest of the night. Some nice guys suffer from depression and social anxiety. Just being themselves isn't going to magically take care of their problems. Other nice guys don't have the right social skills to attract a women. Being yourself is only going to discourage some nice guys from improving their skills with women. It is insane to expect different results if you keep on doing the same thing over and over again. Using a cliche is not going to help some guy who has complex problems interacting with women. Link to comment
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