Stuck

[jedifairy]

First Hi everyone I am new here

 

Ok here is my situation. I got married last may after being with my boyfriend almost a year and a half. Just before the wedding I did think should I do this. But I put that down to some medication I was on from Migraines. They made me feel hollow and distant. While on honeymoon I tried to aviod sex as I really didnt feel like it. The doctor did tell me the medication would do that but I had stoped taking them 3 weeks before. We decided that we hated london and bought a nice flat in Norwhich. The first 2 weeks were great we were excited having fun. But we still wasn't having sex. I know when you are with someone a while the sex gets less but we went from 2-3 times a day to once a week and now it is once every 6 weeks. Then about 2 weeks ago a guy at work invited me to join his judo club, which I did and love. This monday on a works night out we got drunk. I mentioned to a colleagues wife that I thought he was cute and the next thing I knew she had told him. I over heard him tell her that from the minute he met me he knew there was a spark and connection between us, which I agree on. Anyway he walked me home and because my Husband was away he came in for a coffee. We talked for about 2 hours and then at 1.30am he left. We had such a great time and it is clear we feel quite strongly for each other. Although since then he has distanced himself from me a little. But this could be because he knows I am having problems with my marriage. This guy has provoked such strong feelings in me. But I dont know if my marriage can be saved as there might not be anything left to save. I do care for my Husband dearly but I can not say if I am in love with him anymore as I don't know.

 

Any advice would be really helpful

 

Thanks

JF

[ghost69]

welcome to the site.

 

did you have this type of spark with your husband when you first met and hung out like this? just don't do anything with this guy that you will regret. your marriage might turn out better than you think. the not wanting sex thing is tough to fix though. if you are unattracted to your mate in life, it's hard to gain that back ever.

[Iceman26]

Is the current lack of sex with your husband still due to your migraines? If not, why do you feel the sex has decreased that much? How are the other aspects of your marriage?

 

Nice avatar. The Force is strong with this one......

[Jetta]

You could have your marriage annulled.

[jedifairy]

I felt very close to my Husband very quick but I did not have the same spark I have with this guy. But I am very aware it could just be because it is new. I would never plan to cheat on my Husband and I would hope that if the situation was thrust upon me I would not allow it to happen.

 

The sex aspect is a very strange one, it did start to go wrong at the time of my migraines but it is no longer the reason. I did think it was me changing, not wanting to be touched as I dont want my Husband to even hug me. But when this guy left on Monday he hugged me goodbye as most people do and it felt great. I feel dreadfully guilty, but don't want to hurt anyone incase it is a passing phase. To be honest I do find my Husband attractive and I perv at him all the time, but I would rather please myself then have him involved.

 

I must admit with this new guy I have got caught up in the excitement of it all as we do have a connection then on monday we discovered we are both huge Star Wars fans and have so much in common.

[Locke2121]

Sounds as if you and hubby are in a rut. This guy brought in a spark of excitment that your missing. My advice....VACATION! The two of you need to head to the mountains, the beach...someplace that you really like and try to have some fun! Get back a bit of that ol' swagger that brought you together in the first place.

 

As for the friend....I'd stay away for awhile until you and hubby are firmly back in sync with one another. May the Schwartz be with you!

[Iceman26]

Well you need to make a decision on your husband before you pursue things things with another man. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

 

It sounds like you have a resentment towards your husband. Perhaps going to marriage counseling might help?

[jedifairy]

Yes I think that could be a very good starting place. We have a holiday booked for a week on the lakes just the two of us. I was dreading it, but I guess a week with no distractions will be the best way to find out if we are still meant to be together.

And yes distance from this guy is needed post haste! Thank you Locke

[jedifairy]

It sounds like you have a resentment towards your husband. Perhaps going to marriage counseling might help?

 

 

I think I do a little, I have always been a free person and as much as life with him sounded great at the start now I feel I have no choice but to stay there and as soon as I feel obligated I want to run. I know most of this issue is with me as I cant really fault him so maybe counseling could be an idea.

 

Thank you my Jedi friend lol

[Iceman26]

I know most of this issue is with me as I cant really fault him so maybe counseling could be an idea.

 

Thank you my Jedi friend lol

 

Well, I think you married the guy for a reason and owe it to your marriage to give it a shot, but for your own sake I would suggest counseling even if it doesn't work out with your husband, because these issues could occur again and I am sure you wouldn't want that.

 

Search your feelings you know it to be true!

 

You are welcome young padawan.

[ghost69]

marriage is work. i haven't been married yet, which is good, but i see it with my friends all of the time. they feel smothered and look for a way out. some have ended up seeing another guy/girl on the side. it's horrible. i bash them for that. but my good friends stay by their woman/man and work through everything. those are the ones that will be together forever and i totally admire that.

[jedifairy]

Last night I told my Husband how unhappy I was. I suggested a walk as being indoors with a heated debate can be difficult. Well I started by asking him if he was happy how things are, he agreed with me that our relationship was at a junction and was starting to head in the split up direction. He asked if there was anyone else and I said that I have grown close to people since the move but things had not been right long before, to which he agreed.

 

He now wants to try and resolve things but I don't think there is a lot of point as I have got to the stage where I am happy when I think of being on my own. Do I owe it to him to give it another go or would I just be prolonging the breakup? I am 95% sure I want it over but I care about him loads and want him to be happy, is that a good enough reason?

[ghost69]

you don't owe him anything. you owe yourself happiness.

[Iceman26]

If you really don't want to be in the marriage, I think you owe it to him to be straight up and tell him you want out, to be fair to him.

[ghost69]

yeah, that would be the only thing you owe him. respect.

[jedifairy]

I know what you're saying but when you move a few hundred miles away from everyone you know and you buy a house together it is hard not to try and do the right thing by everyone and not just yourself. He will always have the up most respect from me. All I can really do is be honest.

Thanks guys