"So...what do you wanna talk about?"

[desert_rose26]

I need some ideas or tips on what to do when 2 people who like each other very much run out of things to talk about. Here's my situation:

 

First of all, we haven't met each other yet. It started through lots of email then msn, video chat, and for awhile now, the phone. Sometimes we run out of things to talk about. Sometimes it just feels like another one of those days...dull and boring (mondays). We have a lot of pauses..I don't like pauses. Everything's ok, but how can I make it interesting the time we share? He is coming to visit me in 3 months. I'm very excited about it. I know we'll be fine until then.

 

we talk about 4-5 times a week. too much or not??

 

What options are there for us to turn it up a notch? What should we talk about? maybe I should talk about what we'll do when he comes?

 

for example: we can agree to watch the same movie for the week and then discuss it over the telephone. (i believe bill gates and his wife did this).

 

or, should we communicate LESS so we have more to talk about?

[unsureself]

I find that whenever I run out of things to talk about, I ask about what we can do together.

 

IE: Have you ever been to ______? Or seen _____?

 

Focusing on what to do next rather than what to talk about always works for me.

 

But your communicating through Messenger, Video chat and the phone, does this mean you have a long distance relationship?

 

If so, i can't help you there, I've never had one.

[HyruleGuardian]

Just talk about how your day went, how they're doing, things that happened during the day, etc. Build conversations off that. My ex and I used to talk everyday about random stuff that happened during our day.

 

But if you have nothing to say, then keep the phone conversations short. Just say you have to go do something. Relationships aren't based off phone conversations, they're just another nice thing to have.

[Dako]

So when you meet, what will fill the pauses?

[Daddy Bear]

When I run out of things to say (which, I admit, doesn't happen often with a restless mind like mine and the fascinating women I know) I declare that the conversation seems to have run its course and I say goodbye. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that.

[Aleadragonhawk]

If you're running out of things to talk about, I'd actually suggest getting more involved in your real life. Usually long-distance relationships will sap a fair amount of time, and you can find yourself focusing just on that person. If you're active and doing things in your real life, you'll usually have things that you can both share about what's been happening in your lives.

 

I personally didn't have this problem when in an LDR - my fiancee and myself both tend to be fairly mentally oriented, so we actually enjoyed the opportunities to have long conversations. Even now we'll rarely take along anything when we've got a long wait ahead. It's more entertaining to talk.

[Aurian]

So when you meet, what will fill the pauses?

 

In real, you can DO more stuff and not have to fill up every moment of your time together with chatter...

 

Perhaps try figure out some online activities - take some silly online tests together and talk about the results (or try pretend you're the other person and take the test for them). Try some online games, like MSN Game Zone, and play them together. Chess, Checkers, Othello... You can also buy some games and play them together through linking sites or chat programs.

[desert_rose26]

so, hm...I guess I have to work at it. It's extra hard when we both have had a boring day. lol. The games idea is a good one..I'll try to find one.

 

The tip about the asking about their day and "have you been to.." , "have you seen" is a good one too. thanks.

 

It's hard for me, coz..I'm not a great conversationalist!!! Ugh. I hope one day I won't lose him due to my poor communication skills. i really like this guy and I keep on saying the wrong things...I need to be more natural. I don't like it when there's a pause and then I end up saying the wrong thing just for the sake of filling the pause.

 

He just wanted to talk to me, more like hear my voice. Hearing his voice on the other end is..beautiful. I feel closer to them just because we are connected while the tick is tocking away. ya know?

 

But yes, I will try harder. HEY, I just got an idea, maybe it will help me to come up with interesting conversation by having a newspaper nearby??! (I know, this is sad and embarrassing).

 

Any other ideas? thanks so much. (btw, 2 months ago, we never ran out of things to write about in emails - twice a day, sometimes 3) I enjoy writing sooo much more than talking in general.

[desert_rose26]

So when you meet, what will fill the pauses?

 

well, it's not always like this of course. just sometimes...maybe because it was monday.

[Dako]

Just thinking about pauses as a natural event.

I enjoy shared silence, but I'm pretty odd.