recycled romantic ideas?

[nemo_lost]

Hi everybody. My girlfriend and I have been going for about 1.5 yrs now, so everything is pretty strong and secure. There is one thing that has been bugging me for a while, and I want to see what people think about it. FYI, we have an open relationship, and talk about anything bugging us so it doesn't get bottled in.

Everytime we want to do something, it seems that her ideas stem from her relatioship with her last boyfriend. For instance, when we want to go for dinner, we usually have thai food. But the thing is that she has mentioned before how happy she was her ex intorduced her to thai food and that its her favorite food now.

Other examples:

let's go on a trip?

she picked a place that she had a 2 wk romantic vacation with him.

ideas for a sunday?

taking pictures around boston harbor, which she has done before for fun with this guy.

go to museum?

see exhibits where the displays were designed by him (not the artwork, just the presentation).

watch a movie?

she has tried to make me a huge fan of a couple movies that he introduced to her and he loves.

SO ANNOYING! But I deal with it, and don't read into it too much. I don't always go through with the ideas, but it is starting to get frustrating. Any thoughts? Opinions? Thanks.

[mikeca]

what do you want to do? You gotta exercise your interests too or else this will just be one sided. Why dont you pick a place to go on a trip? Museum...nah goto a hockey game

[Maverick32x]

lol, i like how the canadian suggests a hockey game

 

But ya, you should stop letting her pick all the activities!!!!!!!! If you want to do stuff, DO IT!!!!! She probably had fun doing those things with other people, so wants to do them with you

[terk2021]

Have you said anything about it to her? These could be her true interests and what she likes to do. She may have learned them from her past, but she is not with him anymore, she is with you. Surprise her with some of the things that you like to do. Relationships are about give and take. Do you ever run into this guy at the places you are going to?

 

You could try and be discrete about it and ask her if there are other things she likes to do, or if she would be interested in trying something you like. If it becomes a real problem for you, I would be subtle about it and confront her. Let her know how you feel. You do not sound like the jealous type. It may be something she is not really aware of she is doing, or that it is bothering you.

[Orlander]

Nemo, it's time to talk to your girlfriend about your comfort level with seeing/doing the same things she used to do with her ex. There are three possibilities here...

 

1. she is not over her ex and is reliving her memories with him through you.

2. she is over her ex and just happened to always do the things she loved with him that she now wants to do with you.

3. she is using those activities, places and foods to disassociate those things from her ex and reassociate them to you.

 

Option 3 isn't that bad of an idea. Let's say you always loved going to a special restaurant with your ex but since you might have had a bad breakup, let's say you couldn't bring yourself to go back there. Well, you have a new girlfriend now and it should be easier to go back there because it used to be your favorite restaurant. By going there with your new girl it will help ease the pain and let you enjoy the place you loved so much.

 

Just my thoughts. You'll never know though which option it is unless you talk to her.

 

Orlander

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with Orlander, she may just be trying to relive those places with you so as to disassociate them with her ex. I've done that. My ex and I were very much into Ren faires and last year, I took a friend to a local Ren Faire that I had been to with my ex before. I did that so that I could disassociate hanging out at Ren Faires with my ex.

[Maverick32x]

I assumed your GF wasnt revisiting a specific ex's interests? but rather many relationships that she was in? or with guy friends?? If its with one specific relationships, i might worry a bit...

[heloladies21]

Read into things. She's notover her ex and that spells disaster for you. Answer is simple, stick up for yourself and what's right for you and tell her to get over him. If she doesn't agree, then you gotta dump her. But if you keep up the "nice guy" ACT, you will 100% for sure eventually get dumped yourself.

[MushroomGod]

I kinda agree with HL21. You want to call her out on it and tell her it bothers you. Tell her that you're not her ex and it bugs you that he is brought up all the time.

 

I had the same problem but I called her out on it early and it hasn't been a problem since. If she does it again tell her it bothers you.