Do positive affirmations really work?

[Cyberchick]

Hey guys,

 

I'm starting the process of boosting my self esteem and on a lot of websites about it, they say that you have to replace negative self talk with positive self talk. One way to do this is to tell yourself 3 times a day you are a good, wirthwhile person. Another thing is to list your good qualities.

 

Does this actually work? Do you really start to believe it once you say it enough? For those of you who are raising your self esteem and exoeriencing success at it, has it helped? Wgat else has?

 

Sometimes I feel like a hopeless case, but then I've never made a concerted effort to raise my self esteem, so how do I know if I really am or not, right?

[Aurian]

I still feel awkward about telling myself positive things, but I noticed a HUGE difference in simply stopping the negative self-talk.

[Leonhart]

You could do it like Stuart Smalley in his Daily Affirmations, an older SNL sketch. He'd always say:

 

I'm good enough,

I'm smart enough,

And dog-on-it, people like me

 

lol

 

That's what I always think of when I hear the word affirmations. Does anyone else remember this? (Hopefully someone will.)

 

Anyway, I guess they might work. I don't know. I'd think stopping the negative talk is good, but I don't see how you could simply stop the negative self-talk without replacing it with positive self-talk. It is impossible to just shut the mind off, so might as well replace it with positive stuff. Easier said than done.

[Aurian]

Well, for me, it was a matter of simply stopping the negative talk. Some positive talk would filter in to replace it, but if I stop and actually TRY talk positive, it feels weird and forced for me.

 

Nevertheless, I feel loads more happy and confident now that the negative talk is discouraged and I actively rationalize with myself any that does leak through (usually I am feeling a bit insecure and the negative thing isn't true, so I acknowledge the insecurity instead of encouraging the negative thought that pops up - "i'm boring", "I'm fat", "he thinks I'm stupid..."). So I talk it out to myself and "prove" its wrong.

 

I guess in the absense of negative talk or reinforcement I do have more positive thoughts, but that part just came on its own.

[caro33]

I'm no new ager that believes that magical things happen if you speak mantras long enough, but there is some truth to the benefits of ceasing negative self-talk, and ideally, replacing with positive self-talk.

 

The human brain is pretty awesome and you are constantly re-training your neural pathways. Repeat "I'm such a loser" often enough and you strengthen these neural pathways and the statement appears to be true after a while. If you stop telling yourself this the connections wither over time.

 

You can re-train your thinking. Look at how people get brainwashed - say any belief/statement enough it can become true.

 

So even if you don't believe it right now, if you tell yourself (realistic) good things about yourself you will eventually come to see them as true. When I say realistic I don't mean you can say "I can fly" and delude yourself into believing that. I have to assume there's a reality switch there somewhere .

 

I would love to quote real science here and not look like such a...misinformed person. The best I could find was an article about how people can actually perceive pain differently based on their expectations. Oh well.

 

link removed

[Dako]

When I became single, I had little quotes on bits of paper all over the house. I never was into that self-talk, but it helped me immensely to focus and heal. Mostly teling myself I'm cool and groovy.

 

Later, when I visited my ex, she had similar bits of paper all over the house.

 

Right now, over the PC are two:

 

Some folks are stupid,

You aren't stupid,

So knock it off, stupid!

 

and

 

Are you solving a problem

or just worrying?

[Me and myself]

Affirmations are a thecnic to change you beliefs. You are always telling to yourself you're not good enough 'cause your mind is associating the outcome of a bad experience, and generalizing it to all the similar experiences you've had or might have in the future. Since that belief is installed in your brain, everytime you got yourself into a similar experience, unconsciously you "prepare" your self to fail, and you act accordingly. So you must change those beliefs by contradicting them by telling yourself the opposite (by saying the affirmations).

I got a list of affirmations which I'm telling to myself twice a day (sometimes three or four). They wark since you believe in what they say...even during the day you don't believe them fully, at least when you're saying them you must do an effort to believe in what they say.

You must do it consistently for a long time. I've been doing this for almost two months and I can notice my speech is different, I noticed now I'm more aware of what I really want to myself. But nothe this is a long process and it may take a lot of time.

[Cyberchick]

So if outright speaking to yourself positively doesn't necessarily work that well, how do you shut off the negative self talk? It seems like that's the key, from what you are all saying. I'm doing Ten Days to Self Esteem by Dr. Burns --- it's a workbook that helps you manage your self eseem. I've just started it, but I'm hoping to keep working on it and find some improvement. That should have ideas about this topic.

 

As I list my positive traits on paper, it's so hard to believe it. but I guess that's a funtion of all the negative self talk over the years. It'll be interesting to see how I really feel about myself once I have eradicated the negative messages to myself.

[Cyberchick]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback. MeandMyself, it's good to hear how the positive affirmations are working for you. Even after 2 months it's doing good things for you. I'm going to try it.

[Cyberchick]

Me and Myself, what do you say to yourself? Do you say them out loud?

[Aurian]

For me, I just try be aware of the negative stuff and when I "hear" one, I stop and say... why am I saying this? All I am doing is hurting myself. Does it even make sense?

[caro33]

Perhaps it depends how best you learn. For me, I learn best when I read something, and best of all if it's something I wrote myself. Was the only way I could get through exams as a student, by re-writing the textbooks! Other friends learned best by auditory repetition.

 

Cyberchick you're not going to believe this stuff for a little while, but the process does work. I would also think that saying positive things is actually really important, particularly as you have a gap to fill from all those negative statements.

 

To be on the safe side, why not write these things down, and put them somewhere prominent like Dako suggested. Then read out loud these statements to yourself first thing in the morning and last thing at night, at least. Go to sleep at night imagining the great you doing great things. It should have some positive effect on your self-esteem.

[Me and myself]

So if outright speaking to yourself positively doesn't necessarily work that well, how do you shut off the negative self talk?

 

Basically you just have to think positively everytime you start thinking negatively. That's easier said than done because you must always be aware of waht you're thinking to make the substitution (and your mind, is always, unconsciously, trying to make you think negatively).

 

Me and Myself, what do you say to yourself? Do you say them out loud?

 

I say them between teeth 'cause I don't want to be listen to my children...I don't want them to think I'm some kind of lunatic.

Some people say that the best is to say them loud, in front of a mirror.

[Hope75]

You know, I never did them before, but when I went for my National Licensure Exam to be a nurse, I posted stickies all over my desk that said "You can Do it" and "(my name), RN", and "I will pass the NCLEX", and so on. I looked at them and said them everyday, and at first I thought it was corny, but then I really started to believe them and say them with conviction. And I passed and am now an RN.

 

So I say, it certainly can't hurt!!

[Cyberchick]

One last thing: Do positive affirmations work when it comes to your perspective on your relationships? I spend alot of time worrying and doubting my relatioship with my bf ( part of my ocd, which I want to work on ), I spend alot of time doubting whether or not it's right. Alot of what I think about my relationship is negative and I minimize the positives, which is exactly what I do to myself. Can I turn my outlook around on my relationship with positive self talk?

 

Ultimately, I think once I build a healthy self esteem, not only will I view myself differently, but I will view my relationship differently. That's what a therapist told me once.

 

Tonight I started reciting affiramtions to myslef, making lists of my positive attributes. As I recited them, words took on a different resonance. It's weird to stare yourself straight in the eye and say all these things to yourself. I think they will sink in eventually.

[Hope75]

Sure, there's no reason you can't make a list of the positive things and announce them to yourself.

 

But just make sure that you are not blowing off what could potentially be red flags about your relationship. Make sure it really is you and not something actually going on with the relationship that needs improvement.

[afonselaca]

The statement must be phrased in the positive posessive.

 

For example:

 

I, Cyberchick, am worthy of love and valued by many people.

 

~not~

 

I'm not going to let myself feel unloved or unimportant anymore.

[kevin_18]

For me, I just try be aware of the negative stuff and when I "hear" one, I stop and say... why am I saying this? All I am doing is hurting myself. Does it even make sense?

 

Aurian couldn't be any more spot on with this. The more you hear the negative thoughts and challenge them, the more you will overcome your mind.

Wow- I feel like I'm in some kind of sci fi convention or something with this whole subject and everyone's futuristic names; Aurian, Cyberchick, Hope75, Caro33 (with galaxy as avatar)!

 

But on a serious note; don't let your mind and compulsive negative self talk take you over, even when you're in the pits.

[sddeaston]

You could do it like Stuart Smalley in his Daily Affirmations, an older SNL sketch. He'd always say:

 

I'm good enough,

I'm smart enough,

And dog-on-it, people like me

 

lol

 

That's what I always think of when I hear the word affirmations. Does anyone else remember this? (Hopefully someone will.)

 

Ha ha. Thats what I think of when I hear the word "affirmations". Funny you said something, I was going to mention it myself.

 

Especially like the line: "And dog-on-it, people like me." That segment was hilarious.

[skyblue1]

You should repeat affirmations at least 100 times a day, 3 isn't enough or even write them down 100 times.

 

I love and approve of myself

I feel good about myself

I am safe etc