pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 So, here's my situation... A buddy of mine gave my email adress to a female friend of his, because she is thinking about studying abroad at the same uni that I am currently attending. So, one day she added me on msn, and I initiated a convo to be friendly, and to help her in the planning for coming here. We talked about the university and the country I am staying in, and she told me she was going to visit her father here in some days (she lives in Europe by the way, and I (and apparently her father) is living in South East Asia). I found her msn picture quite attractive, and I was probably a bit flirting, but I didn't ask anything personal like her relationship status. So, a week later she arrives here, and immediately contacts me for introducing her to the nightlife of this city. I was excited, though I had a feeling that she was only interested in having a good time as friends. We met up, joined a couple of friends of mine, and went for a really good night out. When my friends had to leave she wanted to stay there just with me, and we laughed and partied until sunrise. I touched her on her back, but that was the most intimate we came.. So, this sound promising, you might say....... She has a boyfriend at home! While she was here we talked A LOT on msn, really getting to know each other faster than I ever have done with a girl before. Though I now had been informed that she has a boyfriend, I probably came off as somewhat flirting towards her, but she really didn't either tell me to stop or brought up her boyfriend while we were talking. So, the next day I woke up with an "instant crush", feeling really good about the night before and HER. We talked a bit on msn, and I told her to give me a call if she wanted to have a couple of beers later that night as well. She immediately said yes, and we agreed to meet up later. This night, we were only the two of us, and she had dressed up REALLY nice. We had long conversations (still without her mentioning the boyfriend), and hung out at a live concert until morning. The next day I was going with some buddies of mine for a daytrip to one of the islands nearby, and we had a really good time go-carting and swimming. When I came back to the city, I sent her a text to tell her I was back, had enjoyed her company while she was here (she was leaving the next morning), and that I was really tired after the exciting day at the island. She responded by saying "Oh, so that means you're not able to have a few beers tonight? ". I immediately gave in and told her I was going to take a shower and meet her later. The last night also was magical, we ended up walking the empty streets until 7am after all the pubs had closed, and it really became a kind of romantic setting... Still, I didn't attempt to hold her hand, kiss her or anything, and she didn't give me any hints other than being really sweet towards me and staying up all night talking. I could have made this story six times longer, because the memories of these days are surprisingly vivid to me (is it love? *lol*) but I will cut to my questions: 1) Considering she has a boyfriend, what do you guys interpret from her behavior? She has not initiated intimacy or conversations that would compromise her relationship, and I actually think that is admirable if she has some kind of romantic interest in me... (I like faithful girls *lol*) 2) What do I do now? She is in an other country right now (not at home), on a vacation with her family, and she seems very keen on talking on msn (she contacts me whenever she's online). However, still no "romantic" conversations, only joking and getting to know each other better.. 3) I do NOT want to break up her relationship, but I am VERY much interested in being her friend in case I get a shot in the future. Any suggestions? By the way: I am sorry this is written in bad English, as it is not my native language Any responses would be much appreciated! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 her behavior was inconsistent with having an exclusive boyfriend. I wouldn't chat/hang out with a man I never met before without making it clear early on that I had a boyfriend (and certainly before we spent one on one time together). If she does go out with you, you will be wondering what she is doing and who she is chatting with all the time. Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Batya33, thanks for your quick reply! I totally agree, but why wouldn't she be frank about her situation (she actually mentioned him ONCE on the second "date")? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Because she enjoys the attention from you. if she did mention him on the second date then that is sufficient - you are on notice that she is taken and yo proceed at your own risk. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 What are the chances you would have gone so far out of your way to provide fun, entertainment, and social opportunities in a new place for her if she didn't leave a little to the imagination. lol. Like Batya said, proceed at your own risk now. Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Batya33, I didn't want this story to actually be about my ethics, because I will probably not see her again since she's a 14 hrs flight away from me. I just thought it was a sweet encounter, and I wonder in retrospect what she thought about me My self esteem went up a few points, and I am just wondering if it had reason to Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Nothing to do with your ethics. For me, no it wouldn't boost my self esteem if a man who was involved with someone else flirted with me and enjoyed my showing him a good time. I would hope that if he were sincerely interested in me he would tell me the situation right off the bat, spend time with me platonically without flirting and change that behavior only if he broke it off with his girlfriend. It doesn't sound very sweet given her status. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 What are the chances you would have gone so far out of your way to provide fun, entertainment, and social opportunities in a new place for her if she didn't leave a little to the imagination. lol. Like Batya said, proceed at your own risk now. i agree. sounds like she wouldn't have had a nice tour guide for the weekend if you knew she was taken. maybe she felt there was no need to tell you. anyways, it sounds like nothing can happen here, so I'd forget about her and move on. at least you had a fun weekend. Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Except from hanging out exclusively with me throughout her whole stay in the city, I really felt that she was honest with regards to her boyfriend. She didn't initiate anything romantic, but my gut feeling tells me she wouldn't have spent so much time with me if there weren't some physical or mental attraction... Or am I totally wrong? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 If it helps your self esteem to have some woman find you attractive -- whatever her status, her motives, her character/integrity -- then yes, she probably found you attractive. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I don't know, pokerface. You had a good time. Sounds like she had a good time. Now you know she has a boyfriend, and you won't be seeing her again. So why not just leave it as "Good time had by all". From a distance, you are certainly free to any interpretation you desire! Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Of course it does helps my self esteem I found ENA after being heartbroken after a five yr relationship. Now, this girl has made me feel that I can be charming and attractive again.. I know the odds are working against me, but it felt good to be appreciated (and still does) Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 But seriously guys: What kind of girl engages in 5 hr msn convos every day with a guy she isn't interested in? Maybe her relationship is going sour anyway... My judgement is OBVIOUSLY clouded, but there has to be something there huh? Thanks for all your replies by the way! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 The kind of woman who is interested in the cheap thrill (cheap for her!) of being "wined and dined" by a man who is clearly interested in her and where she doesn't have to see him again because "she has a boyfriend." Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Batya33, Honestly, thanks for making my feet touch the ground again However, wish it could be different *arghh* Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Forgot to add a little piece of information: She is definetly coming here to study... most probably without her boyfriend... Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Forget her! In response to "what kind of girl engages in 5 hr convos by MSN with a guy she isn't interested in?".... A girl who is interested in getting all she can for herself without thinking and/or caring how it will affect others. It happens every day. Guess who will get hurt in the deal? YOU. Maybe her bf. Maybe others, too. It's time for you to stop thinking about only what you want, too. If you need motivation, think about being her bf on those nights when you were out on the town with her thinking god-knows-what. Link to comment
pokerface123 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Sound advice, and a good conclusion! Not sure I will forget her though *sigh* Thanks guys Still can't help wondering what she felt... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Sound advice, and a good conclusion! Not sure I will forget her though *sigh* Thanks guys Still can't help wondering what she felt... Why not channel that "wondering" energy into figuring out how to meet available women who are geographically desirable? As far as her moving here - sure, pursue her if you have a strong enough stomach to know she is flirting with and coming on to many others. Link to comment
jordan1234 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 To be honest, i can tell you a story.....When I was in school i had a long distance girlfriend. We would see each toehr maybe 2 times a month. I met this girl next door to me. she was amazing. We would hang out everyday for a year. It was awsome and i loved being with her. but i never considered her at all romantically. And she was attractive. I would look at her as a great friend and continue to enjoy her company. She might be verys ecure with her relationship which is fine. I wound certainly not push anything and i would not think about her in a romantic way. You'll only ruin what you might be ableto have...a great friend..... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 did you tell her you had a girlfriend? invite your girlfriend to meet this other person? Link to comment
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