Neglected Toddler

[bouncingbabyboys]

I wasn't sure if I should post this here...or in the abuse section, but I'm trying here!

I am a mother of three little boys 8, 4, and 3 and I am also a foster mother to a 2 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. My problem is with my 2 year old.

He is developmentally delayed (16mo) in areas of social and language, but has caught up on fine and gross motor skills. He now says 5-7 words. The thought is that the delays are due to his neglect. He has been with us for 9 months now and I'm starting to get worried that there is a deeper problem.

For instance, if food is falling out of his mouth, he uses the side of his fist to brush accross his cheek and push it into his mouth, like a baby. He has learned to feed himself, but recently has begun refusing to do so. He gains a few words and then seems to "forget" them. He is two and cannot (or will not) repeat "mama" or "dada". He will ONLY repeat "more", "car", and "ball" successfully.

I'm getting frusterated because I feel I should be doing more for him. Currently, early intervention services provide speech and a para comes out weekly to work with him for an hour...of which only 15 minutes of his time will he part with! lol

I am constantly repeating words to him, encouraging him to at least TRY to say them..which he won't do. He constantly has his mouth gaped open and thus, drools. I've successfully made him aware of the drooling, so he will wipe his mouth, but it's just frusterating...I feel there is either something deeper wrong, or else we need to provide MORE for him--but I'm unsure what more to provide!

Anyone who has any experience with a child of neglect, please help. I have three boys, I use attachment parenting techniques, I homeschool, I'm a stay-at-home mom...I really feel like I have a large resource to pull from, but NOTHING is working to get this child up to speed.

He was 16 months when he came to us, could not even chew and swallow, tried to eat from the trash, would stuff his mouth, would eat until he would throw up, had to wear a bib at all times because he drooled so excessively, didn't know how to hug, didn't like to be held...a lot of this has changed or gotten better, but he's still not where he needs to be. Any advic?

[fnlyfrei]

In our state we have a program in our school district called "Childfind"....Registered nurses evaluate and refer children to whichever health care professionals they deem useful. They can screen for many, many different syndromes and hone in on what this baby might be dealing with...be it autism, brain injury, or behavioral issues brought on by his neglect...things like the trash and hoarding food are sure signs that the poor kid was starved. I commend you for taking this all on...you are an angel in my book. I grew up in foster care...there are good and not so good placements on both sides. You sound like one of the good ones. Have you ever read Dave Pelzers books? (A child called "It" was the first one) Or Tori Hayden...she is a former teacher who taught emotionally disturbed children in the 70's....I hope you are getting the support and breaks you need so that you can be the best and happiest person you can be. Try to remember your own needs so that you can be the happiest person...I hope you know how much of an impact you are having in those little lives....and it sounds like your heart is in it....

 

((((HUGS!))))

[southerngirl]

It sounds like there may be some other developemental problems going on here. Has his doctors evaulated him for other possible things?

 

Should be careful not to blame too much on the neglect he has suffered, could short change him on other care he may need. If say it was autism or some other thing. Now, I really do not know symptoms of all the world of things that can create challenges for children... so talking to his doctor may help.

 

I commend you for opening your home to children who need it. You are a wonderful mother and person for doing this. Thank you! Those children are our future... all of ours.

[rocio]

First, I want to say how much respect I have for you - 3 kids of your own and you took on 2 more. It's wonderful that you care so much about them.

 

You might like to check link removed

They have a forum on toddlers, another on adoption, and another on developmental delays.

 

Best of luck

[isisastaria]

Yeah, You're a world changer. You're working for the good of the world. Thank you so much!!!

 

It sounds to me that this is neurological. I would see if you can get him into a pediatric neurologist. they can be hard to even find, but my son went to one and was diagnosed in a week. We were taking him to everyone under the sun for aroun 6 years before his diagnosis. I am surprised that they have thus far blamed this only on neglect. I think the surest and fastest way would be a brain scan. Amen Cilnic in S. California does these scans and intensive research on the brain. I know you might have limited resources. But if you do have these capabilities I think you could get answers that will change his life and save a lot of heartache in his early years.

[confusedmama]

WOW you are a fantastic person, but remember you can't change all his problems quickly. If you haven't had him tested by a neurologist, then by all means do so, but over all I think patience is the main thing. As good as you are you can't wipe out all that neglect in 6-8 months. He was neglected over half his life and I've heard it said that for every day there is an injury it will take 2 days of recovery. Keep doing what you are doing and loving him as you are and take it day by day. I'm sure the frustration must be difficult for you but imagine what it is for him.

He is also, as you know, hitting those "terrific two's" where he will be testing and pushing limits and seeing if your boundaries are secure enough for him to be safe in your love. I absolutely LOVE this age child!!

Be strong, be patient, be loving and know you are doing a great thing!!