New and in need of help

[AndyHistory]

Hello everyone, this is my first time here.

 

I am in need of serious help, and I am pretty messed up in the head.

 

I am 18 years old, finishing up my senior year, and I don't think I am going to make it to graduation day.

 

I have a decent home life, its my interactions with other people that make me feel this way. I have an amazing girlfriend, but for the most part, it feels like I can't give her what she wants. She seems so distant from me most days, and she always finds excuses as to not hang out. I don't want to leave her though, I am a very clingy person and I can't stand the thought of being alone again. This has been going on for almost 6 months now, and its starting to drive me crazy. All her friends are * * * * *ing at me too, saying that I am "stealing her" from them, even though I see her about once every two weeks. I can't Take this anymore. I have tried killing myself several times, main method being overdosing on medicine in the bathroom cabinet, but that has never worked. And after each and every time I feel so terrible about myself, how I am letting everyone around me down, and how terrible I would have her feeling if I died. But thats the thing, I don't know if she really cares that much about me. I am going insane over her, and I feel like I am going to try to kill myself again. Maybe this time I will accomplish it....

 

I need help bad, I can't talk to anyone around me cause well....I really don't have anyone that would care. Thats just the way people around me are, they view me as second rate and not as important. Maybe they are right, maybe people would be better off without me in their way. Maybe she would be better off if she had a real boyfriend who wasn't a loser trying to kill himself all the time.

 

I am terribly sorry if I seem to be a nutcase, but that might be whats wrong with me. I have gone to my counsler, and she has pointed me towards some suicide hotlines, but thats just not enough for me. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

 

Sorry if you wasted your time reading this, I didn't mean to be a bother to anyone, but I need help fast.

 

-Andy

[isidore]

You are not a loser.

 

Reading this wasn't a waste of time for me.

Do you want to kill yourself b/c you don't want to lose her? I'm not sure I understand your reasons. You're going to miss out on a lot more women that are queued to enter your life in the years to come if you do this thing. I hope you will write a little more about how you're feeling and don't leave us all wondering.

[melrich]

Well everything is going to be alright if you allow it to be. You know girlfriends are important and I can understand how much this girl means to you. But is she so important, so critical to your existence that you would consider ending your life based on her behaviours?

 

If you try and put that into perspective, I don't think she is. Fact is girlfriends do come and go in our lives. It's great when they come along and it hurts like hell when they leave but that is just one of the many cycles of life we go through. And she hasn't even left you yet!! She's still hanging inthere with you.

 

You know, best thing you could do is shake this dependence on her. Be who you are and love who you are. You are a great person, that is why she is dating you. And if she decides not to date you or you decide not to date her, then you are still a great person. Your relationship does not define you.

 

You have so much to do.

[AndyHistory]

Thanks for the responses so far, it feel so good to know that there are people out there that actually care about me, this is probably the first time in my life that I have actually felt that. Nobody has ever taken the time to talk to me like this, even if it is on an online forum. I will post more about why I hate my life later on, I should really be getting to sleep.

 

I just thought about a quote from one of my favorite artists,

 

"Its disgusting what dreams can do"

[Maverick32x]

sad day..... well, lets see here... I guess the thing that makes me the sadest about your post is the thought that no one around cares about you... and thats not true at all!!!

 

You seem to have the feeling that everyone has already judged you as second rate, without even getting to know you.. and i don't think thats true at all!!

 

I feel like you need to start trying to get a better view of yourself and figure out what you like about yourself... and that way you can project that onto other people and you wont feel so second rate

 

So I guess I want to know somethings that you really like about yourself~

for me I guess it would be the fact that I can talk to people about anything pretty easily... sooo.. ya.. .try to think up soem good ones for yourself

[musicguy]

Dude, we at Enotalone care about everyone on here, no matter age, background or whatever. Even if your friends/family don't seem to care, all of us do. We are one happy, sometimes looney online family...oh yeah and people around you DO care about you.

 

As for your girlfriend, tell her how you feel about the situation, there's nothing wrong with doing that. Let her know what's going on and hopefully she'll understand and don't worry about what her friends say, this is your guys's relationship, not theirs

[Carl5000]

Nice post man,

 

Life is mostly about individualism and being completely dependant on yourself. Your asking for trouble, putting all your happiness, goals, wants, needs into another person. Your partner, should assist your life not be the essense of it.

 

Its just focusing on each day and being mentally tough. Man, i've got few friends, i've been single for 8yrs and it sucks. But, i pride myself on living through this life, i ain't going to be weak and look for the easy way out. I want to see it out until the end and i can take joy in the notion alone.....

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

Reading this was not a waste of time!!

of course there are people you can talk to and of course there are people who care about you. It sounds like you really like this girl, but maybe she isn't the right girl for you - to be honest she doesnt sound very nice if she's always making excuses not to see you. you deserve a lot better and there is the perfect girl out there for you.

[Bethany]

Have you talked to your parents about how you feel? Sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves and tell the people who love us unconditionally how we feel for them to help us. I am sure your Mum and indeed all of your family would feel absolutely devastated if one day you weren't lucky enough to survive and would feel alost to why you didnt turn to them. At least give them the chance.

 

You have made a start to that by posting here so well done for that, it's one huge step in the right direction and I'm sure you will receive the support of us all.

 

Also, have you talked to your doctor? It is very common for young men to feel the way you do, you only have to read this Suicide forum to see that, and there is no shame in needing a little medical help, the only shame is NOT seeking help when we know we need it most so please consider it.

[CrystalDawn]

Don't be afraid to ask for help alot of people do. I asked for help and I'm glad I did other wise I may not be here today to help others that are the way I was. I understand and alot people here understand also. Try to keep us up to date on what's going on.

[Drunk]

I know what you mean by counslers and stuff not helping, they never seem do what they are supposed to do. I agree with luvingx...maybe this girl isnt the one for you. you are still young. and she doesnt seem very nice. One thing i can say for sure is that there is no way that the people around you would be better off without you, just due to the fact that you care enough to try and get help, whether it is from counslers or GF or us here at E, you have a heart that is worth its beat! My advice, stay off the cabinet meds (trust me, they will screw your liver up bad! i know from experience) tell your girl you dont appreciate her shruggin you off all the time, and maybe rethink the whole relationship (if she obviously doesnt care enough to try to help you, then you shouldnt want her help.) Oh yeah, and pull yourself outta the suicidal thoughts due to a GF phase, you will realize your self value much better if you do. Good Luck buddy

[Daddy Bear]

Threatening suicide isn't going to make your girlfriend want to spend more time with you, and going through with it will wipe out your chances for happiness completely and permanently. Here's the plain truth: you need to stop wasting your time flirting with death and come up with a new and better plan for your life.