How do I get him to not be lazy?

[sweptoffmyfeet]

My bf is at the point where he needs to start doing something with his school. He is a year younger than me and will be graduating hgih school in may. I am already at university (which he was thinking of applying to) and I think he could have a good chance of being accepted here if he applies now. (he doesnt have very good grades) He needs to apply to places, which I have mentioned to him before, but I dont think he is taking it very seriously. whenever i tell him he needs to apply to schools, he says he knows and that he will, but he still hasnt. I dont want to make him mad, so how do I get it through his head without aggravating/annoying him?

[Mun]

Hello there.

Well girl, you need to leave him alone and then watch what he does. I know you want the best for him, and for yourself, but you aren't his momma. The more you nag him about it the more he will resent it and probably not do as you want.

 

If he wants a college education he needs to come to that conclusion on his own. Only then will he appreaciate it and do the hard work to earn it.

 

You have plans, goals and you are on the path to achieving them...don't look back or let anyone drag you down.

 

Best wishes

[annie24]

I agree with what mun said. You aren't his mother. And even if you were, it's really his own responsibility, not yours. he has to decide for himself which path he wants to take, and his own goals will be his only motivations. You just stay hard at work with your stuff and if he doesn't get his act together and it bothers you, you should find a new bf.

[splashdown]

As an ex-lazy person, I can say with full confidence that there is nothing whatsoever that you can do to change him. He has to decide that it's time not to be lazy anymore. You can talk to him about it, and try to get him to see that laziness is not an option if he wants to be with you, but I have serious doubts that anything will change until he decides to change it.

[Drunk]

Yeah i am in the same situation with my guy, and I think just letting him do it himself is best. I try to mention it every now and then just to keep his mind on the subject as much as possible, but I dont push it too hard at once. Maybe just say something like every few days or something

[renaissancewoman101]

Don't nag him. Let him make his own mistakes. If he is lazy about getting up, doing things, etc., don't do it for him. Like if he is lazy about remembering to do stuff, don't remind him. Let him suffer the consequences. If he keeps suffering consequences, that experience MIGHT teach him to be on the ball more.

[annie24]

Actually, I don't think that him not going to college is necessarily a mistake. A mistake would be being unsure of your goals and then going to a $40,000 a year school and dropping out halfway because you realize you don't want or need a college degree. Don't get me wrong, i am a huge huge fan of college and higher education, but if he isn't sure he wants to go to college, then he shouldn't go. if he wants to just get a normal job for a few years while he figures out the next step, I think that would be great. I know many people who took several years off after high school, really thought about what they wanted, and then enrolled in college. I think that they were better students than people that went straight after high school and unsure of what they wanted.

 

PS - is the real issue here that you want him to apply to YOUR university, so you guys can be closer together? are you two in a long distance relationship now?

[emma34]

Oh my god this sounds EXACTLY like me a couple of years ago - lol.

So obviously I am bias but this is what I think. Don't push him...because if you push him, he'll go to university and it may not be right for him. Even though you REALLY want it for him, maybe that isn't what is right for him?

 

Ask him to be honest with you on his intentions - not about being with you - but about career/future/school plans...if he's totally obvlious, that's a HUGE red flag.

 

Many high school relationships end with exactly this story - one goes to university, other doesn't. I'm not saying that it is inevitable, but keep in mind that there are probably tons of good guys at your university too that are more on the same page as you as far as motivation and future goals if he is not.

[Zaphod]

My bf is at the point where he needs to start doing something with his school. He is a year younger than me and will be graduating hgih school in may. I am already at university (which he was thinking of applying to) and I think he could have a good chance of being accepted here if he applies now. (he doesnt have very good grades) He needs to apply to places, which I have mentioned to him before, but I dont think he is taking it very seriously. whenever i tell him he needs to apply to schools, he says he knows and that he will, but he still hasnt. I dont want to make him mad, so how do I get it through his head without aggravating/annoying him?

 

Nice idea, unfortunately not his idea.

[ghost69]

tell him that it's cool that he doesn't want to go to college. you can get a discount at mcdonald's because he will be working there.

 

.........................................................................................................................................................................................

[TheFoglifter]

It is not the message, it is the messenger. In all probability, he knows damn well that he needs to get moving. If you constantly nag him, all you are going to do is become permanently associated with the negativity of nagging.

 

What you need to do is enlist someone that he WILL listen to. If someone he respects tells him gently that now is a good time to get started, he will be much more likely to get in gear.

 

This is a lot like when your girlfriend starts to let herself go. There is really no way a boyfriend can broach the subject without becoming the enemy. The right messenger makes the difference.