Opinions on pictures of ex?

[SherriLi]

Hi all

 

 

Ok... Say that your bf/gf is friends with their ex.. They had a long term serious relationship. They have limited contact. Your bf/gf asks their ex for pictures of him/her. He/She sends a whole bunch, like say 15. 1 of them kissing, and 2 others of them together arm in arm.

 

What would you think? Why would your bf/gf ask for them in the first place?

 

1. Is bf/gf still hung up on the ex? and needs visual stimulant every now and then?

 

2. Or is the bf/gf just sentimental and wants to keep the memories of that time in his/her life?

[gfein347]

It could be either one, or a reason you might not have thought of. If it concerns you (and I assume it does, since you made a post about it), why don't you talk to your SO and see why he asked for the pictures?

[FrancisHouseman]

You should ask.

 

I dont have any pictures of my ex, because when I was moving out with my present boyfriend, I threw all my stuff away, figured clean break. Now I am sorry I did that, because he didnt and I kind wish I had the memories. I have thought of asking my friends if they have pictures of us together, for me to put in my memory box.

 

I wouldnt let my boyfriend know, he might question my motives and they are completely innocent.

 

Having said that, found a stash of photos of my boyfriend and his ex and they made me feel a bit sick. With jealousy. However, he keeps them hidden and filed away, they are for memories only.

 

If I heard that he had contacter her and asked for some pics of them and she sent him ones of them kissing, I would feel totally within my right to ask "WHY?" and reserve the right to feel uncomfortable about it.

 

If you don;'t say anything it will build up and you may find (If you'r anything like me) you will have a few too many glasses of wine one night and suddenly say it in the wrong way, in the wrong tone of voice!

[Caterina]

They probably want them for fond memories...its a good thing...even if they don't want to be in a relationship they are showing you that the experience wasn't worthless.

[SherriLi]

Hi G.

 

I did ask him, and he lied about them. I asked why she gave sent them to him. First he said that he mentioned that he had no more pics of her. Then after we started arguing about it, he told me that he asked her for a few.

 

I asked him why, he said "so i could put them in my photo album, which i never look at"

 

We've had pasat issues with her, i never approved of their friendship from the start, and we actually broke up b/c of it and he moved. We got back together and LDRed it for 4 months. He just recently moved back here. AND he told me he onlly talked to her once in those 4 monthes. As he was unpacking he told me about the pictures she sent with a birthday card, and also showed me the xmas present that her parents sent him. So that alone shows that he was lying about their contact also...

 

I don't know. I'm just worried that he's still hung up on her. But am hoping that he isn't. So i guess that i just wanted other peoples opinions on what they would think. I sometimes i fear that i am letting my insecurities about the 2 of them get in the way and make mountians out of mole hills.

 

Any input would be awesome. Thanks

[Caterina]

If my boyfriend did that, he wouldn't be my boyfriend.

[i1dr]

In my case - it is none of those reasons. Even after moving on I appreciate that this person was a part of my life and we had a mix of times, some good and some bad. They helped me get to where I am today and in all likelyhood without some of those experiences I would not be in a position emotionally to be able to be with a current partner.

 

I don't throw that away as if it were last weeks condom! I keep these pictures, the good, the goofy - the painfull. It's not just about this other person who happens to be in the frames - it's about myself, who I was and part of how I got here. I plan to look at them wistfully when I'm 85 (If I'm still here) and I plan to, along with all thirty years of my love letters give them to my currently six year old daughter when she grows up. I want her to know her father - warts and all and know I lived life with passion.

 

It has nothing to do with wanting to hang on to the person or being attached in any way. It's just my life and anyone who would be insecure enough to be threatened by this history would get it explained as best as I can. But were she to demand that I destroy a part of myself I would have to conclude that she is not really the one for me and she would be asked to move on. Life is too short to focus on silly little insecurities. By the way ... I have no problems with any of my past GF's or my ex-wife of 19 years with the same sentimentality. In fact I would be mighty nervous about putting my trust into a person who when they are done with another - throws them, and any reminders fully out into the trash.

That is disasociating with your own self and never really necessary or good.

[SherriLi]

I did this already When he told me about them i asked to see them and the card. When i seen the one of them kissing i flung it at him he said something and then tore it up and threw it in the garbage.

[Iceman26]

If you don't approve of his friendship with the ex I would suggest moving on. It sounds like he is still hung up on her.

[SherriLi]

If you don't approve of his friendship with the ex I would suggest moving on.

 

He''s stopped MOST contact with her, because he realized that i was going to leave him because of it... Then he goes and asks her for pics? I don't get it.

 

We are planning on spending our lives together. I can't just leave him, and three years invested over it. He's the father to my girsl. I can't leave him over this unless i'm sure that he's hung up on her.

 

Which i'm not.

[Momene]

It's sad to admit but most of my memories with exes aren't good ones. It was usually the pain and/or awkwardness over the split I remember and not the good times.

[renaissancewoman101]

Why is everybody so ready to crucify her ex for asking HIS ex for pics of them? People like to keep stuff for memory's sake, not necessarily because they still have warm, fuzzy feelings for the ex.

 

I still have pics of my ex, his gifts, and some of his artwork, even though he broke up with me and broke my heart. I don't want him back but that was two years of my life, and it's good to have some memories of it.

[Iceman26]

Why is everybody so ready to crucify her ex for asking HIS ex for pics of them?

.

 

Because he is about to get married and should be thinking of his life with his future wife, not asking his ex girlfriend for pictures of them together.

 

If he already had the pics that would be one thing, but asking for them after the relationship is over indicates that he is still hung up on her. Why would he ask for pictures that he supposedly "never looks at?"

 

If you decide to marry this fellow, make sure you get this issue straightened out BEFORE you get married.

[Daddy Bear]

AND he told me he onlly talked to her once in those 4 monthes. As he was unpacking he told me about the pictures she sent with a birthday card, and also showed me the xmas present that her parents sent him. So that alone shows that he was lying about their contact also...

It still could be true that he only talked to her once. And if it was me, I'd want all the pictures with me in them that I could get, just to enjoy the memories. I sometimes look at pictures of me with my ex-wives, but it doesn't mean I want to be with them.

 

Be careful not to rush to judgment too fast without proof. Take it from me, you might accidentally screw up a good thing!

[SherriLi]

Be careful not to rush to judgment too fast without proof. Take it from me, you might accidentally screw up a good thing!

 

Yes, this is what i'm so scared of. WHAT IF i am just insecure? He's so set in his ways. And he thinks that if he gives in to me, about him giving up the pitures, that he'll look like a pushover and i will be controling him in some way. Its the way that he thinks.

 

But on the other hand, WHAT IF he is still hung up on his ex? I DO NOT want some one to settle for me because he can't have what he truly wants. I KNOW that he loves me, he loves me like crazy....... Ugh i wish that i could just come to some sort of conclusioin and stick to it.... and not change my view when things like this happen.

[Caterina]

Because he is about to get married and should be thinking of his life with his future wife, not asking his ex girlfriend for pictures of them together.

 

If he already had the pics that would be one thing, but asking for them after the relationship is over indicates that he is still hung up on her. Why would he ask for pictures that he supposedly "never looks at?"

 

If you decide to marry this fellow, make sure you get this issue straightened out BEFORE you get married.

 

I agree with this!

[Brooke657]

That's weird...why does she want them in the firstplace

[SherriLi]

That's weird...why does she want them in the firstplace

 

He said that it was because he could look back on that part of his life. I just talked to him about it. I guess that he only asked her for one, to put in his photo album. AND the b*tch gave him 20, ones of them kissing and such. UGH she is horrible.

[Iceman26]

I just talked to him about it. I guess that he only asked her for one, to put in his photo album. AND the b*tch gave him 20, ones of them kissing and such. UGH she is horrible.

 

She wouldn't have the chance to be horrible if he stopped talking to her. I wouldn't be blaming her at all.

[SherriLi]

I believe what he is saying is the truth. We talked about them further today. I asked him why. He gave me a good answer. I believe him and it was mostly because of you guys, and your opinions and advice Thanks.

 

I guess that i can't blame him that the b*tch sent so many right?

[SherriLi]

She wouldn't have the chance to be horrible if he stopped talking to her. I wouldn't be blaming her at all.

 

Well, i can see where you are coming from Iceman. But I have good reasons to call her horrible. That was mainly a vent.

 

He hasn't contacted her once since he's been back. She hasn't contacted him either. They used to call eachother 2 times a week, and stay on for 1/2 to 1 hour, always while i wasn't there. Which lead to a break up. We got back together and contact lessened between them. I can't say wether or not he was terlling the truth about their contact when we were LDRing it. But right now, i know that he's fulfilling his promise.

[Iceman26]

Well alright. I hope you guys have smooth sailing from here and just make sure you talk out all these issues before you get married....good luck!

[SherriLi]

Well alright. I hope you guys have smooth sailing from here and just make sure you talk out all these issues before you get married....good luck!

 

Thanks Iceman, you've been a great help with this. It really helps to talk about things... I always assume the worst, but posting it and getting peoples opinions gets my brain going, steering it down different paths instead of only the worst one.

[settinuplife]

Well there is a part of him that is not over her, otherwise he wouldn't be asking for pictures. If he was truly over her he wouldn't care about her pics. I think just cause they don't really talk doesn't mean they still don't have feelings for each other still. This is a tough situation for you. You could just ask him if he'd like to take a break so he can deal with any unresolved feelings toward her, and if he says he doesn't want a break then he may be 60% into you and 40% still into her.