Can I be helped?

[Imipolex G]

Well I'm new here, thought I'd share my situation. I hope you will all be willing to sit through it.

 

I am 27 years old and have no sexual experience to speak of. Never gone on a date or anything. I have social anxiety problems and find it extremely difficult to even meet anyone who I could possibly have a relationship with.

 

I wish I had tried harder to do these things when I was in high school and college, since back then there were actually some girls who showed some interest in me. Now I feel like I've totally missed out and it's just not going to happen.

 

I don't really have any friends either. I spend most of my spare time alone, reading or listening to music or working on a book project I've been plotting for years.

 

Part of the problem is that my life situation is rather...uh...unstable, or maybe transitional, at this point. I have a lame part-time job but am still looking for something to do full time. Besides my inherent shyness, part of the problem lies in the fact that I have no particular career interests other than the writing project mentioned above. I guess I might qualify as a "starving artist" looking for a "day job".

 

So here I am, a social isolate. I am seriously afraid that I am going to end up being an old man who never got to have a girlfriend or any sexual experiences as it were. It's hard to see how I can avoid this fate.

 

Well, thank you for listening to my story. If anyone has any advice or would like further details don't be afraid to respond.

[Daddy Bear]

Hey, a lot of chicks dig shy, virginal starving artists. I'm serious. You're obviously intelligent and articulate; chalk up your slump to experience, get thee to a reputable dating service and sell yourself (but keep it real) to the best of your ability. After a few sweaty-palm dates you'll get into the swing of it and lose your inhibition entirely. Social isolation: done.

 

Well?? What are you waiting for??

[g1234567890h]

Hey, I was a shy virgin writer for the first 18 or so years of my life. I'm twenty now and I have a girlfriend. She came after me because I'm a writer. I'm not particularly shy, but I wasn't exactly planning on finding someone at that time. That's a different story.

 

Where do you live? I suggest getting a stable job and place to live, first. Girls don't usually go for guys your age who don't have their own place and a steady income.

 

Girls love guys who write. I'm an author. I've written ten books and I'm working on five right now. I'm twenty now so I'll write a ton more. My girlfriend asked me out because I'm a writer. She was specifically looking for a writer. I'm a preschool teacher, too, so you know you don't have to make a lot of money to get girls. Girls will talk to you about your books for a really long time. I'm also a published erotic author, so they really like that.

 

Have you been published? I show girls my short stories and I show them my novels if they're interested. Writers are really interesting people.

 

Tell us a bit about your book if you want to. If you want to pm me I'd be glad to let you bounce ideas off of me.

[tylercdurden2004]

I share you pain in terms of transitional period. I have been in constant state of transition over the last 5 years having moved around and lived in 7 different countries. Makes getting to know someone and establish long term relationships difficult when you cant get established yourself.

 

However it shouldnt stop you from getting out there and meeting people. You just need to have a little of the "I dont care" attitude.

 

Join a club of interest to you and start networking. Even if there is no girls in the club someone is bound to know someone.

[i1dr]

Time passes and so do phases. Dont' worry about it too much because I think that much of the anxiety likely comes from the worry - not the situation as the others see it. Dont' be too self critical there are women of all sorts of different values and many, many of them would find you a plum to grab. You should simply pick up interest, like what you already have and then find a way to join some sort of social organization that shares your interests. If you are interested in writing or the arts in general it's easy - go to readings, take a class etc. You will be around women with similar outlooks and interests who will value you for yours. Then simply talk to whomever sits near you until you find one to click with. Remember that many woman of similar interests as you are shy also - so don't be put off by little signals that they may not be interested. Simply enjoy their company under the auspices of doing your shared hobby - and things will work out. then there will be two happy people.

[Leonhart]

I don't really have any advice - sorry - except to say don't be so down on yourself over still being a virgin at your age. I think it's far more admirable than being a sleazeball who has slept with 50 girls. That, in my opinion, is nothing to brag over.

[Imipolex G]

I have yet to have anything published. I've been more or less working on this one project for about 13 years...I hope to have it finished within the next few months. It's my magnum opus, and it's not an overstatement to say it's my major reason for living.

 

I do think that it would help (or at least, help my confidence level) to have a full-time source of income...hopefully that will materialize before too long.

 

I have, of course, thought of dating services and/or taking a class...in fact, I was taking classes in multimedia technology last year...unfortunately that didn't lead anywhere, since there were only two young females in the class and they both already had significant others.

 

Somehow I've never had any liking for the idea of trying a dating service. Something about it just makes me very uncomfortable. I wish I could just randomly meet somebody in real life.

[Daddy Bear]

Somehow I've never had any liking for the idea of trying a dating service. Something about it just makes me very uncomfortable. I wish I could just randomly meet somebody in real life.

I hear ya, but let's face it - pretty much everybody cool is online nowadays. Something like, say, Yahoo! Personals or American Singles can be a good tool for finding single women in your area and an easy way to break the ice and get to know someone without having much to lose. It's like 'help wanted' ads with built-in email.

[Imipolex G]

Yeah...I suppose if I could get up the nerve I would try an online dating service. Somehow I just wish I could find some girl in real life, go up and talk to her, take it from there. But I don't seem to get those kind of opportunities.

 

I'm thinking maybe I'll try my hardest to finish and publish my book first...even if it isn't a big success or anything, it'd still be cool to be able to say I'm a published author. Maybe it would show that I'm not a total waste.

[scotty77]

Yep it seems to be getting increasingly hard to meet people these days unless you are 19 and drunk in some bar.I am shy,introverted and most friends have moved away,so I don't have much of a social network.If you live in a major city I think online dating would be worth a try.Waiting for that magical/mystical moment when you just happen to meet a woman naturally likely just isn't going to happen.

[Altruist]

If you take public transport, I dont suppose it would be hard to find a girl to chat up.