Porn Addiction

[MissTee]

Or he'll just hide it from you & not tell you

 

As I said in another post, we live together and we share a computer. We also spend almost every second we aren't at work together.

 

I trust my partner. He wasn't looking at porn before, he isn't looking at porn now.

 

I am not an insecure person at all.

 

In fact, I have spent every moment on this forum giving advice not asking for it.

 

I don't "ban" my boyfriend from watching it because I'm insecure. I told him the standard to which I expect my relationship and home-life to be at and he, as a devoted and loving partner, has respected that and kept to it. Just as I have repsected his standards. It's all give and take.

[MissTee]

Because I really don't see what the issue is with a boyfriend of mine masterbating to some porn..

What is is that bothers you about it?

 

I've never seen my boyfriend masturbate. He doesn't need to. We have sex daily (as a matter of fact).

 

Masturbation is fine... but I know I am not fulfilling his needs if he needs to masturbate. I am a very attentive lover and I would never let his needs go unmet.

[Dako]

He sounds like a keeper. No troublesome habits.

[shikashika]

I've never seen my boyfriend masturbate. He doesn't need to. We have sex daily (as a matter of fact).

 

Masturbation is fine... but I know I am not fulfilling his needs if he needs to masturbate. I am a very attentive lover and I would never let his needs go unmet.

 

I think of masturbation as an added dimension to one's sex life. I think no matter how great ones sex life is... even if you have sex 3 times a day, there are always extra things one can do than besides sexual intercourse.

 

Why do you think that you are not fulfilling his needs if he masturbates AND has sex with you? Would you get turned on by watching him do it ( I know I love that in a guy! ) I'm sure he absolutely loves the sex with you.. but if he wanted to do it in addition ( meaning that it wouldn't take away from your sex life) would that bother you as well?

 

I guess its just something I get turned on by.. thinking iof my man and porn.. and me!

[MissTee]

I think of masturbation as an added dimension to one's sex life. I think no matter how great ones sex life is... even if you have sex 3 times a day, there are always extra things one can do than besides sexual intercourse.

 

Why do you think that you are not fulfilling his needs if he masturbates AND has sex with you? Would you get turned on by watching him do it ( I know I love that in a guy! ) I'm sure he absolutely loves the sex with you.. but if he wanted to do it in addition ( meaning that it wouldn't take away from your sex life) would that bother you as well?

 

I guess its just something I get turned on by.. thinking iof my man and porn.. and me!

 

 

Hah! I spose so... I mean, if he wanted to masturbate and maybe let me watch that would be interesting. Maybe I will try it!

[ScreenagerX]

I trust my partner. He wasn't looking at porn before, he isn't looking at porn now.

 

Yeah my partner of 10 years trusted me too. Didn't stop me from hurting her when she found my collection on the computer though did it.

 

I think of masturbation as an added dimension to one's sex life. I think no matter how great ones sex life is... even if you have sex 3 times a day, there are always extra things one can do than besides sexual intercourse.

 

I agree

[MissTee]

Yeah my partner of 10 years trusted me too. Didn't stop me from hurting her when she found my collection on the computer though did it.

 

 

 

My current GF & I also have sex daily (if not more) yet she still masturbates. In fact she tells me she does it more now that shes in a regular sexual relationship than she did when she was single as she likes to think about what we did the night/morning/afternoon before. I think its awesome!!!! It has also moved into our sex life aswell where I will masturbate her with her own toys. You don't know what your missing

 

 

 

I agree

 

1. You aren't my boyfriend. Don't compare him to yourself.

 

2. Masturbating during sex and hiding in the bathroom, with your laptop jerking off to some cheap, poor quality, downloaded porn, listening out for the front door so you can quickly "clean up" are completely different.

 

I never said masturbating was wrong. I don't agree with porn. I couldn't give a **** if my bf was masturbating. He likes to watch me masturbate, it turns him on. All I said was, I never see him doing it. I've asked him about it and he says he never feels the need to because we have sex so often.

 

Please don't lecture me about the variety of sex and "toys", I'm not a child... I do know and I'm not missing anything.

[Suesser Tod]

Thank God I'm not dating any of you, porn haters! I was actually laughing at all the prejudice in this thread, then I thought more about it, and felt a little bit sorry, but not too much.

 

 

My gf and I have integrated porn into our sex life, no problem about it. The same way as we have integrated sex toys, and I've never thought that she is cheating me with a dildo (I mean, come on!)

 

Yes, my gf and I, both of us, watch porn. Each one of us does it alone, when feeling like a little bit of solo-action, and we also do it together, for more ideas and maybe a turn on, or background noise.

 

 

 

 

+1 I couldn't have worded it better.

[Suesser Tod]

I've never seen my boyfriend masturbate. He doesn't need to. We have sex daily (as a matter of fact).

 

Masturbation is fine... but I know I am not fulfilling his needs if he needs to masturbate. I am a very attentive lover and I would never let his needs go unmet.

 

 

I rest my case about selfishness and insecurity.

[MissTee]

Thank God I'm not dating any of you, porn haters! I was actually laughing at all the prejudice in this thread, then I thought more about it, and felt a little bit sorry, but not too much.

 

 

My gf and I have integrated porn into our sex life, no problem about it. The same way as we have integrated sex toys, and I've never thought that she is cheating me with a dildo (I mean, come on!)

 

Yes, my gf and I, both of us, watch porn. Each one of us does it alone, when feeling like a little bit of solo-action, and we also do it together, for more ideas and maybe a turn on, or background noise.

 

 

 

 

+1 I couldn't have worded it better.

 

 

Prejudice?? Ummm... how did you figure that? It's called difference of opinion mate.

 

Alright, I think we should all just agree to disagree. Let's all just leave our sex lives private.

 

I don't think anyone's right. It's all a matter of preference.

[MissTee]

I rest my case about selfishness and insecurity.

 

Well, I'm not one who usually takes judjement from a completely stranger lightly, but in this case I'm just going to be the more mature one and let it go.

 

I'm far from selfish and I'm far from insecure.

 

My boyfriend has never even raised any issue about not watching porn. He doesn't care about it. And I know he looks at other girls on the street, what man doesn't? That doesn't bother me. I just don't want porn in my relationship. Get over it.

 

If I would like a personality analysis, I will let you know in future.

[justpaisley]

Kate 111 - I think you have your answer about your ex being addicted to porn when you say he left you to go pursue these fantasies. Every time an elevator opens and 3 Swedish volleyball players turned stewardesses don't walk out and ravish him, he's going to be disappointed. I replied to a thread earlier that I can't find now called "when sex isn't like the movies" all about when goofy things happen during sex (like my husband accidentally elbowing me in the nose) - when your ex has these moments during "wild" sex, he's going to be disappointed. He's also clearly a little immature. Let's face it, in long-term relationships, we don't have a lot of porn-style sex with our significant others, so if your ex is going to be looking for it the rest of his life, you're better off without him - imagine yourself at 60 trying to bend yourself into a pretzel because some porno queen did it. Good riddance.

 

MissTee - your boyfriend and my husband are similar, as are our expectations out of a relationship. Some people who can't or don't want to live without porn can't understand that some men simply don't want or need it and they think people like you and I are just cracking the whip making our poor widdle men stay away from that mean old porn. I, too, would not be in a relationship with a man who relies on porn because of my moral and ethical objections to it. Luckily, I found and married a man who is simply uninterested and really never has been, and we were friends long before we got into a relationship so I'd know if he were. Don't let these people call you insecure - for heaven's sake, YOU know what YOU want out of a relationship, you have it - if you're both happy, what's the problem?

[MissTee]

Thankyou so much. I just get so incredibly mad when complete strangers tell me that he's probably doing behind my back, lying to me, that I'm selfish, that I'm insecure and that I am "missing out on something".

 

I am ridiculously happy in my porn-free life.

 

I'm happy to see someone else is too.

[shikashika]

What i find interesting on this thread is that so many people talk about their MEN watching or not watching porn.

 

 

I hear way way way more often about women not liking their man watching porn... but i think I've seen maybe one thread about a guy not liking how woman watching porn.

 

So why do you think it is that women have deal-breakers when it comes to porn but men don't?

 

Many men think its hot /sexy if their women like to watch porn, or masturbate on their own... but many more women have trouble with their man watching porn.

 

In 'real' life my guy friends all think its great if their girlfriend likes porn... but there are more women who wouldn't stand for it.

 

I have to admit.. I like it more and more and watch it more as I get older!

[shikashika]

I still think the problem Kate was originally talking about was her boyfriends absolute obsession with porn. I don't think one person on this thread thinks that is a good or healthy situation. and I don't think anyone would agree that porn comes IN PLACE of real sex....

 

I would never want to be in a relationship where the guy watches porn over INSTEAD of having sex with me.

 

I think its quite different when its just in addition... and its not an absolute obsession

[justpaisley]

Thankyou so much. I just get so incredibly mad when complete strangers tell me that he's probably doing behind my back, lying to me, that I'm selfish, that I'm insecure and that I am "missing out on something".

 

It's projection, because that's what they'd do if they were with someone who refused to be with a porn user.

 

Missing out on what? Having my husband ogle other women and satisfy himself while lusting after them? Risk my son finding that crap at too young an age? (I found my dad's porn when I was 8 and was wholly confused for a long time afterwards.) Having my husband develop unrealistic expectations of our sex life? Mmm, good times.

 

Porn is not necessary, not always helpful, and frequently harmful to a relationship (as evidenced by the multitude of posts on the topic here on eNotAlone). None for me, thanks.

[Suesser Tod]

I'm laughing. You complain about "complete strangers judging"

 

Please go back and read your own posts, both of you, as you've basically disqualified and judged every "porn user". Nice "hollier than thou" attitude.

 

 

Either way, enjoy your ridiculously happy life, I'm enjoying my "porn tarnished" life too. LOL!!!

[Suesser Tod]

Porn is not necessary, not always helpful, and frequently harmful to a relationship (as evidenced by the multitude of posts on the topic here on eNotAlone). None for me, thanks.

 

Please show me a post where the problems were not related to:

 

a) Insecurity/low self steem in one of the partners.

 

b) Obsession in one of the partners.

 

 

Have fun!

[MissTee]

I'm laughing. You complain about "complete strangers judging"

 

Please go back and read your own posts, both of you, as you've basically disqualified and judged every "porn user". Nice "hollier than thou" attitude.

 

 

Either way, enjoy your ridiculously happy life, I'm enjoying my "porn tarnished" life too. LOL!!!

 

Wow. You are really mature.

 

Um, I don't know what posts you are reading but most of mine are basically me defending my beliefs, standards and relationship.

 

I haven't judged one person in this thread. I have just stated what I believe in. I haven't, either, labeled anyone or called them "selfish" or "insecure".

 

I don't know how old you are but your posts have been really unnecessary and frankly, quite rude.

[MissTee]

Please show me a post where the problems were not related to:

 

a) Insecurity/low self steem in one of the partners.

 

b) Obsession in one of the partners.

 

 

Have fun!

 

I think my ex had a porn addiction. He was constantly downloading porn, hada plasma, talked about porn etc.

 

For me, during the relaionship it was fine because I considered it fantasy. As long as he never touched another woman I was happy.

 

But towards the end of the relationship his character changed a bit. He would always make comments about women's appearance, talk about girls who got boob jobs etc. He started expecting me to buy more clothes, wear more makeup and told me I was "letting myself go".

 

I have a full time job so I couldn't devote my whole life to looking good and frankly I wasn't interested in it (and told him as such).

 

He kept going on about us having threesomes, sex with other couples etc which I told him I wasn't really into.

 

I'm now thinking he had a porn addiction. He now wants to chase chicks and have sex with them like in his movies.

 

Does anyone have any experience with porn addictions? What happens? Any advice?

 

 

 

 

............

[Suesser Tod]

MissTee, are you familiar with the concept of an obsession? Its quite clear that you aren't, so please go pick up a dictionary, and then look for a post that is not related to an obsession.

 

 

 

By the way, I apologize if I've come accross as rude. I'm just letting my thoughts out and I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. If my posts are too offensive to you, let me suggest the "ignore" feature.

[shikashika]

It's projection, because that's what they'd do if they were with someone who refused to be with a porn user.

 

Missing out on what? Having my husband ogle other women and satisfy himself while lusting after them? Risk my son finding that crap at too young an age? (I found my dad's porn when I was 8 and was wholly confused for a long time afterwards.) Having my husband develop unrealistic expectations of our sex life? Mmm, good times.

 

Porn is not necessary, not always helpful, and frequently harmful to a relationship (as evidenced by the multitude of posts on the topic here on eNotAlone). None for me, thanks.

 

paisley... thats a pretty big generalisation you're giving out there

 

I watch porn.. doesn't make me have unrealistic expectations of my sex life.

 

I like a nice glass of wine.. however if I choose to drink and drink and drink.. then it becomes a problem

 

i like to watch a good porn.. if I chose to watch it rather than spend time with my partner.. then it becomes a problem.

 

Porn itself isn't the problem.. I think its people who can't deal with it AT ALL.

 

When I watch a porn,i don't think about the man in it later and think "gosh.. he'd probably make a good husband.. I really wish I could shag him in real life, and we could take a nice vacation together'

 

For me its just something I like to do.. and I've never had a guy who's had a problem with me watching porn.. in fact they've all quite enjoyed it!

[MissTee]

I'm sorry I didn't realise that I can look for posts about porn that don't relate to obsession. Porn is porn. Obession aside... It's still porn.

 

And yeah, I know what obsession means.

 

Here's one for you:

 

Definitions of maturity:

 

-adulthood: the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed

-state of being mature; full development

[Suesser Tod]

I'm sorry I didn't realise that I can look for posts about porn that don't relate to obsession. Porn is porn. Obession aside... It's still porn.

 

And yeah, I know what obsession means.

 

Here's one for you:

 

Definitions of maturity:

 

-adulthood: the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed

-state of being mature; full development

 

 

Namecalling is your last resort? Talking about maturity...

[MissTee]

Just thought you might be interested in that definition... I certainly wasn't implying anything.

 

Suesser, That's all from me. I'm bored with this conversation and you just make me cranky.

 

Have fun with your porn! (Hopefully we won't see your gf on here, ey??)

 

Peace.